Hello. Well my 94 year mother came out of the hospital after pneumonia and a urinary tract infection and into a nursing home for long term care. And after a few days in the nursing home they are recommending hospice! She is really in a bad way. Barely eats, dementia, can't hear well, stenosis, her oxygen is low, and blood pressure is low.
And the strange thing is the day she went into emergency for pneumonia, that afternoon I was visiting with her and she could carry on a conversation and walk, all very normal, just mild dementia!
I am the only family member and I feel like I've been run over by a tank several times. It's all very traumatic for me. I don't know what to do for my mother and how to handle the emotions. The nursing home is very good, highly rated. I wish she would pass on soon. I know she is suffering.
Can anybody give me some advice please?
My mother went on hospice care in her nursing home after the hospital stated that she would not live a week. Three months later she "graduated" off hospice, and lived another 2 years.
I don't mean to give you false hope. I am trying to reassure you that hospice is not a death sentence. People die on their own timeline. Hospice won't make it happen sooner -- they will just help with the process the body is going through on its own.
You probably could use something for your nerves so that you can talk about your feelings with the hospice support person. If not, you will end up turning these feelings inward which will drive you into a deep depression and you want to avoid that. If the support you get from Hospice is not enough, consider seeing a therapist to help you in your journey through this. You might not feel like it, but you will live through this. I will be praying for you.
Both my mother and my husband had dementia and neither one ever lost their ability to recognize loved ones. Your mother might, or she might not. Each case is different. Dealing with the losses that exist each day is more than enough to cope with. Try not to borrow trouble that may or may not happen in the future.
Also, it's extremely difficult for me to visit her now. And hard to even walk into the Nursing home and try to keep my emotions level. Thanks for all your help!
So sorry for your loss. You seem to have all the right thoughts. It is so hard to see them suffer. She lived a very long life and you had a mother you were connected with and that is such a blessing. You will be okay. Time won't make it go away but the sadness will slowly lift and you will remember the good times. You need a long rest but don't stay too isolated. Get out and walk and breath. Get good sleep. Eat healthy. A big hug to you.
Some people you talk to, uninformed people anyway, may find it strange that the death of a nearly 95 year old lady can come as a shock. But please do take extra care of yourself. Your mother's sudden decline, the extreme change from talking and smiling to being so ill, and your sister's adamant hostility, must have been a series of dreadful blows for you. You had no time to prepare yourself for any of it.
Grief counsellors are used to people who find it difficult to find words. Don't let that stop you reaching out for their help.
You are a strong woman and have already been able to face some struggles so rest now and and be thankful your mother is finally free of her own suffering. She will never leave you. Over time if you are receptive you will see small signs that she is watching over you. Blessings
I was mom's caregiver for four of her ten years of diagnosed Alzhiemers. My brothers were pretty non-existent the last three years. But I have received gentle pressure to get started on the rest of my life. I don't want to. I just want to be quiet and do what I want and feels right as the moments pass. You grieve the way you need to grieve. Take your time and make your needs the priority for now. Don't make any major life changing decisions. Let yourself cry or scream, you need to experience it and in time move through it.
My Aunt was in her eighties and her father had been gone over 40 years. But sometimes when she spoke of him she would still cry. The love and the loss is profound. It will never stop completely, but the pain of loss will eventually come less frequently. My heart is with you.
I will add Take care of you at this difficult time. I am glad you have supportive friends . Blessings