I need immediate help, out of state sister coming with head of steam, and getting restraining order us. Advice?
Hello, its me in California, I am the respit person carrying for my mother, although I am the driving force, or the only force in getting her diagnosed, any testing done. Just real quick for those that dont know. I noticed 2 or 3 years ago something was wrong with my mother, (now 74), I reached out to my siblings to help with online research, starting with Parkinsons and Dementia. All I got was a visit from the same out of state sister, with the same head of steam. At the time I was a emotional mess, I had went back to my mothers for TLC, (well that didn't work), just discovered one month ago, My mother is a Narcisissistic Sociopathic Mother,(NSM) and the out of state sister is her cohort, Golden Child. (GC) So needless to say , the patient, my mother with dementia is running the show. Her lies are unbelievable and my OOSS (out of state sister) believes her. When she came out her in the begining of all this , I don't know anymore two or three years, all I remember for sure was March 13, I was totally traumatized. I was physically attacked my both Mother and sister, and didn't even defend myself, my other sister the FT caretaker stood in the middle.
So my mom pulled some crap on me last week, I was in the process of moving and had been there 4 days, (sleeping on the love seat) I am 5'10",(a pretzel LOL) and I told her sorry I couldn't come and take her to the store I had to get to the house and pack, So the next text I get is PLEASE, my neck burns, all down my left arm, so of course I go, and she is sitting there hair done and lipstick on, she is ready to go to the store. I told her no. I went out, and while out bought her the things she needed,. In the meantime, I needed the money I had spent and took the receipt with me and asked her for it $16.25. Keep in mind she refuses to assist in anyway paying my sister the fulltime person. So she tells me NO, So I said very nicely I am moving mom, and I have been here, spending my gas etc. I have missed three days of work running you around, which you know costs me money, about $ 250.00. I just need the money or I wouldn't even ask. I have spent way more than that many times, without a problem it is just I am moving, and had already been ripped off my someone who I had paid to help me move. Next thing I know she tells me to get the F out of her house she is going to call the police. So I left, a couple days later I get a call from my brother who too believes her somewhat, and says, Hey dummy ( he also a GC), what did you do now. ? what are you talking about, He said mom said you wanted her to pay you $250.00 for staying with her. What the hell, I explained the situaion. So now call this weekend there is going to be a restraining order filed when OOSS gets here. What do I do. I have the Documentation, I might add that has been a God Send, that my mother is truly a Narcississtic Sociopath. and she has lied all my life, and yes I could be whining about the abuse etc. I was a victim (though I never saw it, I just kept trying to please her to make her love me, sickness), See my thought is that I do know what is going on, and will not be their victim, but I am not angry with any of them, I reached out and asked my siblings to check it out, we were all a part of this, and it is time to let it go. Forgiving my mother was part of it too, matter of fact that is what I would say to my mom when she called me stupid or some of the other colorful things that came out, was I forgive you mom. Texas sister when I emailed her this open arms email, came back throwing so much garbage, like always, her and my mom always trying to keep my down, but I come back smiling, (i think just to irritate), no seriously I truly would have lost my mind and any strength I had had I not chose to smile and keep going,
So now what do I do. I have been the one talking to the Dr. they know it. I have all of it written down even if it was only my personal feelings to self, #1 God only knows what there plan is to take care of her, but even more than that, damn I have been through hell to get her this far, I refuse to let them stamp me with a possible time in jail (for one my daughter lives next door), but I don't deserve it, Do you think I could find a free attorney?
Thank you Help, I hope you understand, I am at work, and always I do have ADHD,
sorry,
Kelly
I have sent everyone in my family the docs I found on
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I am so glad you have decided not to continue to be a victim. Move on with your life.
(I have no idea why you think jail might be involved. A restraining order isn't about jail. If some accusation comes up in the future that would be time enough to contact a lawyer. For now, just obey the terms of any restraining order they might obtain.)
It sounds like you're still trying to prove yourself and your worth to a mom who will never be able to give you the satisfaction of seeing that or valuing your contribution. She's sick. She can't give you what you want because she doesn't have it to give you. So in that case, you need to learn the coping skills to be able to set clear boundaries and limits of what you will and won't do, so that you honor yourself and the wonderful person that you are. Once you start doing that, all of this other negative stuff with your mom and your siblings will seem much less consuming and important. Sending you hugs and healing thoughts.
Thank you