She has not arranged for new housing, but insists she is "working on it." She has multiple physical and emotional problems: heart disease, pre-diabetes, fibromyalgia, hypochondria, emotional outbursts, depression, you-name-it, but has had no medical care for 8 + months. She takes some medication for heart, thyroid, and blood pressure, but also self-diagnoses and self-treats with vitamins and supplements - easily 25 or more pills a day. She is angry, opinionated, verbally abusive, secretive, frightened, and entitled. She is out of bed for 7-8 hours per day, at the most, and spends the majority of that time in the guest room with the door shut and locked. She is not a substance abuser, but spends most of her time reading or online. I am a single professional woman, still working at 66 in a job I love and intend to keep until at least 70. I also provide a home for our amazingly healthy mother. My sister has a minimal income, but a nice nest egg. She refuses to leave my home, and the situation is driving me and my mother to distraction. Any attempt to discuss the situation - even one sentence - is met with an explosion of anger and/or tears. She has said awful things to my mother and me. Legal action to remove her is hard for me to even contemplate, and would be hard on my mother, but both of us are thinking that this is the only option. We are worn out.
This makes you the accountable party when sis neglects to pay rent. Or causes a disturbance. Or doesn't take out her garbage for 6 months and someone reports the smell.
Not to mention, you'll be hard-pressed to find a landlord who'd agree to such convolution.
And -- just speaking for myself -- I'd be suspicious of a landlord who IS on-board with out-of-the-gate subletting. Low standards at move-in generally means no standards after the landlord starts collecting the money.
I love the concept. The devil is in the details. Keep thinking out-of-the-box.
And don't be afraid to come across as "mean" or "harsh." Your sister is passive-aggressively torpedoing your household and (at least) 2 generations of family harmony. THAT's mean. THAT's harsh.
Don't let sis gaslight you. Stay strong. Your house, your rules.
I agree do not let your sister's emoting stop your discussions/actions. She knows perfectly well what she is doing. Yes, she needs help, but she is also manipulating you. There are options like getting her an apartment and moving her out as suggested, or when she breaks down calling 911 and having her taken to hospital and refusing to take her back. You are enabling her by allowing her to stay with you. It is not doing her, or anyone, any good. If it has to be tough love, and legalities, so be it. Good luck and keep us updated.
But she needs to change, for her own sake let alone your and your mother's, because at the moment her life is 100% poo.
Hence the anger, the outbursts, the fear, the avoidance of anyone (doctors, e.g.) who might tell her what she needs to do. She is afraid and she is miserable.
Get tough and you will only be helping her.
"Sister you have stayed much longer than any of us expected, and it is now time for you to find a place of your own. If you want help searching I'll be very happy to help you. Or do it on your own. But I expect you to leave here by July 15th." [Or any date you feel is reasonable, of course.]
Meanwhile, research what the procedure for eviction is in your county. Let's hope you never have to go that far, but educate yourself on exactly what the requirements are. Be prepared to got through with the legal remedy.
It sounds like Sis could really use some help, medically and psychologically. But she isn't pursuing any help while she has you to sponge off.
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. There is a lot going on with your sister and it sounds like she needs some sort of intervention. Maybe Adult Protective Services needs to be called. It sounds like maybe she needs a therapist, social worker or a new doctor to help her manage her care as well. It is tough. I know you have been more then generous with your home. I hope a social worker can point you in the right direction.