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Put Mom in a SNF after a hospital stay for deconditioning and ongoing illnesses. She’s mid 80s I’m early 50s and can’t care for her on my own, and she REFUSES to pay for private care.


Her roommate screams all night in pain, it’s only been the first night of staying there, and she’s told me she won’t tolerate one more minute. I told her that I spoke to admissions and they will get her moved but the wheels are slow.


She wants to go to another facility but I know she will make it just as bad as this experience is. She’s experiencing a lack of control and doesn’t have her daughter running down the hall every time she rings the bell.


I suspect that on Monday things will be in full swing, the weekend is not the greatest time to be admitted I suppose, but any advice on this or insights would be appreciated. She can’t care for herself any longer and only wants me to do it. I still work full time and have a family of my own and the dynamic between us will not work.

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I assume that you mean that mom is in rehab at a SNF.

Weekend admissions are very hard. Usually no therapy, everyone else seems to know the routine and you feel like the new kid at school. She's scared and anxious.

Be patient. "Yes, mom; they will change your room". "Yes mom, I'll look into that". Are there others who can visit or call? Friends, family?

Find out if there is a geriatric psychiatrist who visits. Get her/him on board to treat what sounds like anxiety and depression.

My brothers and I all worked full time and would not have been able to care for mom in the manner she needed even if we hadn't. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about the fact that your mom is in a supervised placement with medical oversight.
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MajorLeague May 2021
I am the only one, my other siblings are out of state but have called her. I’ve told her a couple of times now that checking in on a friday was not ideal. The “usual” staff members are off for the weekend and I expect tomorrow, (Monday) they are going to start up with her, hard. PT and OT have been ordered. She’s already asked me to look at another rehab because this one so far has been so bad, and I asked her what if the next one is worse? “Oh well we’ll just have to see and if that doesn’t work out, I’ll leave.” “Who’s going to take care of you at home?” I asked her, and she had no answer.
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Where did she live before now? My advice to you would be to get her out of skilled nursing and into an assisted living community with an aging in place model that allows her to receive additional supports as she ages. Talk to her primary care doctor to arrange for a transfer out of the SNF to AL. My mom is at SNF now for health issue and I am working on getting her back to her AL with additional supports, as she will need more as she ages with her myriad of issues; she is 90. Physical therapy and daily activities, decent food, proper medicine pass—all necessary, but not necessarily consistent—is indeed a constant struggle. I am an only child who finds all of this all-consuming. I have a family and a job too. I understand how frustrating, maddening and sad all of this is. Hang in there. There are also care coordinators who can help you too at the hospital she left to change course. This pandemic has made it especially tough on seniors and their caretakers.
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A night with a roommate screaming would make me insane.

I’ve always had to sleep with earplugs. Is your mom physically able to use them, till she gets a room change?

If not, maybe headphones like one wears to mow the lawn?

When in the hospital, I’ve been even had my family bring a white noise machine to drown out hospital sounds.

Best wishes to you and your mom.
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MajorLeague May 2021
Indeed, there’s no question, but it seems like the roommate would scream and holler only when mom was in the room and when mom was out, the roommate stopped and was quiet- or so the nurse told me this morning when mom got moved. It sounds like things are easier today so I’ll hope for a nice roommate for her. And some peace in my life for me...
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