Is there a thread where those of us with skilled nursing facility or assisted living issues can vent, swap stories, maybe get feedback or advice? I thought of starting one, but I don't want to be redundant. Also I fear it might turn into my own personal kvetching blog.
I have mom in an SNF. I want to b*tch. Want to join the fun? :o
Some on the forum, like myself are no longer caregivers but stay to help others. My mom is now with my brother. Some people’s parents are deceased.
We will all listen to whatever is on your mind.
I've been caring for mom for years; in her home, in al, now in an snf. I've been alone in this - there are 2 older siblings, but their promises of help were empty. Actually, they are horrible, garbage people - I've mostly accepted this and get on with it.
Finances and disabilities dictated mom's current circumstances. Not eligible for community ma, but can receive it if she is a resident in an snf. We could no longer afford outside care or increasing health care costs. I was overwhelmed on my own - the stress took a toll.
I'm trying to establish context but I seem to be randomly babbling, so I'll just stick to the stuff that made me want to start a venting thread.
/rant
I'm so tired of the attitude, the hostility, the laziness. You are doing a job, this is what you are paid to do, it is not a favor. I'm always there, evenings and most weekends. I work as hard as you do. I do not expect special attention for my mom. I want her to receive the care that she is entitled to, that she is paying for.
I know this job can suck. I've been sympathetic. I've been fair. We all have our bad days, but this isn't really your issue. Hanging out, gossiping, extended smoking breaks - this is the focus of your attention. (Those in charge seem to know this - everyone gossips and there are cameras in the common areas. This might be my next rant)
In summary, if you have no patience for the elderly and disabled, if you are disgusted by feces, if you do shoddy, half-assed care with no concern for the comfort of the residents. please quit. LEAVE. NOW.
/end rant
ETA: It's not all bad.
I am sorry you are having issues with the facility. That’s sad to hear. I wish you luck in resolving it.
I hate if someone lies or denies their behavior. I can handle if someone screws up. Mistakes happen but by God, own it and show remorse. I am happy to work things out and forgive but the other side has to do their part. Otherwise, I want nothing to do with them and if they excuse themselves and try to blame me, I am done.
Here’s the thing though. It’s not that simple. You are dealing with a facility, with a chain of command. It’s not as simple as dealing with an individual. It’s frustrating.
I only have experience with a facility through rehab with my mom. Unfortunately, there were disturbing occurrences. I was very grateful that my mom told me about them. One was serious.
An LPN that decided to double dose mom so she wouldn’t have to return to mom’s room for the last dosage. Understaffed? Yeah. Lazy? More like, exhausted. Was I angry? I was concerned for my mom. Did I report it? Absolutely! Why? For mom and anyone else at risk.
Don’t know if my info helps and I am not telling you what to do. I was uncomfortable and I called my mom’s pharmacist to see if a double dose of her Parkinson’s meds would hurt her.
When I told the pharmacist that I wanted to report the nurse, she said, “You have an obligation to report it for your mom and anyone else she will hurt.” Then she said, “If she is overmedicating your mom she is doing it to others as well.” That sealed it for me. I reported her.
When I asked mom why did she take a double dose she said, “She told me that it wouldn’t hurt me.” Mom came from a generation that did not question authority.
The elderly are vulnerable in many ways. Even though my relationship with mom became strained I am not a petty individual. I absolutely did what was right for my mom and anyone who had been overdosed by this LPN.
I made an official complaint and I was satisfied with how it was handled. What is concerning to me is when people retaliate if they are confronted. That’s scary and horribly cruel.
Of course dealing with the elderly can be difficult. Some aides are reassuring while others are not. That and being told untruths is very disturbing. Hopefully this won't start a negative pattern.
I'm not new to the forum - I've lurked a bit and chimed in with a comment or 2. Lots of relatable situations. I haven't seen much about nursing homes, but that could be an oversight on my part.
We initially moved my mom to AL when we realized she couldn't live at home anymore.
It was a disaster. There were several other family members there, but we didnt get a proper assessment of what MOM'S needs were.
AL was the wrong kind of assistance for her. After an emergency hospitalization, we had her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist who gave us really good guidance about just what kind of support mom needed.
We moved her to an Independent Living facility and all was well!
Is there a particular thing you wish to vent about? Roommate issues? Staff? Food? Care in general? Or is everything okay but your parent’s behavior is the problem? Don’t feel embarrassed to say because we have all been through many different circumstances.
Then medical director told me 2 complete falsehoods about recent behavior in my mother. The first I could tell was false by looking at my mother and the other was disputed by the nurse practitioner who called me later that day. I feel I just should avoid them as much as possible as long as my mother feels and seems fine.
The massive sweep of rooms seems very punitive. I completely understand medication not being allowed in the room but this was not about that. One item was a roll on Biofreeze for the back. I was told to provide that. I don't get the relaying of false statements. The director told me my mother's condition had worsened greatly. The nurse P practically told me the opposite. It was clear my mother had recently showered as she and her hair were clean.
I suppose I could take it higher yet I don't want to create discord if it can be avoided. The whole circumstances seemed surreal. I am the first to admit my mother acting off or not being clean. She has been in this facility since December 2016 and I never had this situation before. I think one has to really investigate rather than just taking the word of staff.
My mom had been in an ALF. She hated it - so did I (I wasn't the one who put her there, but that's a story for another thread).
If my memory serves me, the ALF would do an occasional sweep of rooms looking for meds that were otc as well as cleaning supplies/chemicals. This could've been required by law - biannual sweeps to keep residents safe from potential "accidents" sounds plausible - but I'm not sure.
There were plenty of residents with bottles of otc meds like motrin or advil that, if mixed with their rx meds, could be potentially dangerous. The facility would want to remove these from easy access to prevent accidents and avoid liability/financial penalty/lawsuits.
Why they didn't return your things is weird. They misplaced it, or it was stolen, perhaps? We had major problems with theft at the ALF. And Biofreeze, which I remember well, was costly.
In mom's ALF, what a resident pays depends on the amount of assistance it is determined they will need (this determination is based on the initial assessment). There is a progressive rating system; the greater the determined need, the higher the monthly resident fee. The staff can decide at any time that the person needs more care, moving them up a level, thereby increasing the monthly resident fee.
I'm not saying this applies to your situation, but I witnessed this happen to a few residents. It felt like a sneaky, money-gouging ploy. These are just my experiences, which might be on the extreme end of the "unethical" spectrum.
The NP told me if I want something specific that is not taken orally I can register it with the nursing office and she can be allowed to have it in her room. I do question their methods but just plan to steer away from them and asked my mother to try and communicate with me more which she probably won't remember to do. I really sensed an attitude issue with their communication with me. I feel there could be a certain respect shown but I can't instill that.
Plus, hearing them cry that they want to go home really got to me. Or the people that had no clue about anything due to dementia. I would cry as soon as I got to my car.
My dad had heart issues and a stroke and mom had Parkinson’s but they did not have dementia. That would be the toughest for me. I don’t think I could bear seeing that.
My daddy always knew who I was. Mom too. Towards the end of her life, my godmother did not recognize me. I don’t do well being around that at all.
What about you?
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