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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I have never understood this behavior in a spouse...is it posessiveness? do they find caregiving too "icky" to think about? do they, themselves, fear getting older and needing help? Who knows? Unless you are spending excessive amounts of time caring for your parent(s) and ignoring your relationship, then you need to sit your spouse down and have a good long talk. Make him/her understand that this is adding to your stress and, by making it harder on you, is just going to cause resentment. Caregiving is one of those 24/7/365 gigs. If there are weak spots in a relationship, the stress of caregiving will "out" them. Calm conversations by using "I" messages will help (ie: when I come home and you seem resentful, it adds to my stress levels." etc.) Counseling is a good option. Do whatever you can do to help smooth things on the homefront (heaven knows, caregiving stretches you thin as it is), but if the spouse does not respond there may be other issues to work on. (my type-A personality just wants to say, "Grow Up!" ....but that would not be "positive" would it? :O)
My Mom is 95 and she has lived with us for *15 years* NONE of us thought it would be this long including her! She is legally blind and has had some surgeries otherwise she is fairly healthy for 95. I took care of my Dad for 6 years before he went home to be with the Lord. My husband is a very good man and he has sacrificed so much over the years to allow me to take care of my parents. And yet, he has been jealous, resentful and irritated at times at all that it takes to take care of someone else. He has said things that hurt me and I know he said it because he is hurt or mainly disappointed that our life has not been what we thought it would be. I have gotten angry with him for making it even harder when he complains. I understand what he feels because I feel the same way at times. We know that this is the right thing to do even though it feels so unfair. It takes a lot of work to keep everything ok with every one especially when you feel you are in the middle taking care of mom and spouse. I do go to the Lord with everything especially my feelings because no one can help me with them except Him! He hasn't taken the issues away but I know He is with us as we walk through this part of our life journey. It hasn't been easy by any means and the best way to diffuse an issue is to pour on the love and express appreciation for all that they do. Sometimes you have to look hard to find something you think they are doing that is good, but if you want peace this is what it takes.
You need to explain to your wife that if you are willing to care for your mother, she has to know that SHE will always be taken care of!
I am sure others will add their 'wisdom' about how we 'leave out parents' to join with another, but in reality "WE" have to answer to our own conscience and help our parents as they have helped us.
Get into a couple's counseling group that deals with parents with 'care needs' and see how she responds/reacts. If she is unwilling to go, then there are issues in HER life that prevents her from allowing YOU to help your mother.
As has been said....your spouse has some issues of their own. You need to have an honest conversation about it. Why they feel the way they do.....they may not know themselves....and needs to be drawn out into the open so you can both understand. Are you 24/7 care? This can take a huge toll on a relationship. If it's all about your parent and none about your spouse they have reason to be resentful. How long is your spouse expected to wait for your affection? Are you being as considerate of your spouse as you are to your parent? None of this is fair to any of you....a middle ground needs finding in order to hold it all together. Have you put your marriage on hold? Be careful.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Unless you are spending excessive amounts of time caring for your parent(s) and ignoring your relationship, then you need to sit your spouse down and have a good long talk. Make him/her understand that this is adding to your stress and, by making it harder on you, is just going to cause resentment.
Caregiving is one of those 24/7/365 gigs. If there are weak spots in a relationship, the stress of caregiving will "out" them.
Calm conversations by using "I" messages will help (ie: when I come home and you seem resentful, it adds to my stress levels." etc.) Counseling is a good option.
Do whatever you can do to help smooth things on the homefront (heaven knows, caregiving stretches you thin as it is), but if the spouse does not respond there may be other issues to work on. (my type-A personality just wants to say, "Grow Up!" ....but that would not be "positive" would it? :O)
It takes a lot of work to keep everything ok with every one especially when you feel you are in the middle taking care of mom and spouse. I do go to the Lord with everything especially my feelings because no one can help me with them except Him!
He hasn't taken the issues away but I know He is with us as we walk through this part of our life journey. It hasn't been easy by any means and the best way to diffuse an issue is to pour on the love and express appreciation for all that they do. Sometimes you have to look hard to find something you think they are doing that is good, but if you want peace this is what it takes.
I am sure others will add their 'wisdom' about how we 'leave out parents' to join with another, but in reality "WE" have to answer to our own conscience and help our parents as they have helped us.
Get into a couple's counseling group that deals with parents with 'care needs' and see how she responds/reacts. If she is unwilling to go, then there are issues in HER life that prevents her from allowing YOU to help your mother.
God bless you for helping your mother.