My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimers 5 years ago, and now attends an adult day care center 5 days a week so I can continue working (I am 64) because we desperately need the money and health insurance. I also recently had a mastectomy and underwent chemo. I am my husband's only caregiver.His adult daughter lives 250 miles away. She is 57 and generally considers her life a failure (poor job, no money, living in a rental, never married), and considers it all her father's fault. She is demanding money from him (she thinks she is getting an inheritance and is tired of waiting), and she wants him to buy her an condo for CASH. (We still have 25 years to pay on our mortgage). How do I get her to realize that it is she who owes something to her father and not the other way around? and that he and I could use a little help at this point?
Something similar is going on in my family. A family member is trying to by-pass the "stepmom" to help himself to the family estate and, of course, not helping his father at all. Even if your step-daughter's claim that it is all her "father's fault" that her life did not turn out well, these are his assets and she needs to keep her sticky little fingers to herself.
Do you have your husband's "power of attorney" (both legal and medical)? If not, I would highly recommend it. Also, you should make up a will or a trust that spells out, in no uncertain terms, what goes where.
How dare these children, of any age, think that they are entitled to their parents hard earned money? Your S-D may have been using the "guilt card" all her life and has not grown out of that dependency. I do not think that she will offer support to you two in any way. Use her "inheritance" to hire an in-home helper once and awhile to give you respite. You need to protect yourself from her sense of entitlement (if she does not respect her father, I doubt she respects you.)
It is a shame that kiddos do not see the grace in being there for their parents in this stage of life. So sad.
Good luck to you....
Lilli
I don't understand why any child has that sense of entitlement about a parent's assets. That's a pet peeve of mine. My life situation is a lot like your stepdaughter's, but I don't see my life as a series of failures. Far from it. The freedom of being a single woman renting has allowed me to be available to help with Mom's care.
But I digress. I believe fervently that my parents' property and money are theirs. They have given me far more materially and emotionally than I would ever deserve.
And if they HAD indeed been abusive folks who screwed up my life, I would be far healthier to stay the heck away from them than to try to get their money.
You can't heal your beloved's relationship with his daughter. Maybe the two of them can achieve that. I hope so. But you can protect your husband and yourself.
Best wishes to you in a tough spot. Try to get out from between them as much as you can, I'd say, realizing that that may not be entirely possible. Good luck.
WHEN TIMES COMES FOR THE NURSING HOME THEY WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO SELL THE HOME IN MOST CASES
not sure anyone can prevent you from selling a home....as long as you have the deed you can sell...please check with an estate lawyer on your statement.
He probably gave her everything, which might explain her refusal to be self-reliant and blaming everyone else for her woes. Unless he has a Last Will and Testament drawn up that includes her, I believe YOU get everything after he passes. Tell that sorry a__, pitiful excuse for a woman to grow up and stop being such a blood-sucking leech.
I'm sorry, was that a supportive comment or did I just go West with your question? I haven't been my perky, objective self lately.
-- ED