Any advice on how to take a car/driving away?

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Any advice on how to take a car/driving away?

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My aunt is in the middle stages of memory loss. Still physically very well. But she drinks a lot at night and then falls. She lives independently in a lifecare facility. I want to take the car away to control her alcohol intake.She recently fell and is recovering from breaking a rib. I am going to a meeting about her care Thursday. She will be there as well. And I would like to leave with her keys.

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If your aunt is in the middle stages of memory loss then she shouldn't be driving at all. The ability to make quick decisions and rational decisions fades and makes them not only a danger to themselves, but a danger to other drivers. Is she attempting to drive after she has been drinking? I hope not. Do you have POA? She must have some supervision from the care facility so you might coordinate a plan of action with them because aunt is going to be extremely angry when her driving privilege is taken away from her. But it is something that must be done. We had to do it with my mil when the time was right.....she "farmed" our back yard and didn't see a problem. It's easiest to just take the keys and give a simple explanation. No pleading for cooperation, cajoling, etc. Doesn't work and wears everyone out and causes hurt feelings. I like the saying "it's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission" and that applies in this situation. Others will tell you to have aunt's driving ability tested or have the doctor intervene.....well I have personally watched elderly people who couldn't tell the evaluator what a stop sign was on the test, being renewed after that evaluator gave them the answer.....and most doctors don't have time to plead with their patients to give up driving. Sometimes you just have to be firm and stand your ground especially when it comes to the safety of your loved one and others on the road who might be in danger.

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DMV has a form you can fill out for unsafe drivers. Print it out, fill it in and send it to DMV. You can request to be anonymous. In about 3-4 weeks your aunt will receive a request from DMV for her dr. fill out a report on her medical condition. She goes to the dr., he/she fills out the form and dr. returns it to DMV.Another 2-3 weeks go by and DMV will notifiy your aunt revoking her license based on the medical report from her dr. We just did this with our mother and when I told her dr. we reported mom to DMV, he informed the health department. He said by informing the health department, it will speed up the process. Good luck!

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Thank you. I took the keys Thursday. It was remarkably easy. I think she knew it was the right time. I also decided to take an "I" approach instead of a "you" approach. "I need you to stop driving because I can't worry about it anymore" left little room for arguing. She will probably ask about it again, and we still have to get rid of the car. Thanks for your help and support for what I knew was the right answer. I hope this will stabilize her a little bit and let her have a longer quality of life.

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We told my father-in-law that although it was our opinion that he should stop driving, he should let the experts test his capabilities and let the data guide his decision. We took him to an occupational therapist who tested him on the various skills needed for driving. The therapist talked to him about the results. He agreed to stop driving based on the results and the therapist's recommendation. Although we knew going in that he shouldn't be driving, it was more convincing to him to have actual data than to have only our opinion. While it was still emotionally difficult for him to give up the independence, the data made it easier for him to accept. He felt like it was his choice rather than ours and there was no way for him to argue with the data.

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We told my father-in-law that although it was our opinion that he should stop driving, he should let the experts test his capabilities and let the data guide his decision. We took him to an occupational therapist who tested him on the various skills needed for driving. The therapist talked to him about the results. He agreed to stop driving based on the results and the therapist's recommendation. Although we knew going in that he shouldn't be driving, it was more convincing to him to have actual data than to have only our opinion. While it was still emotionally difficult for him to give up the independence, the data made it easier for him to accept. He felt like it was his choice rather than ours and there was no way for him to argue with the data.

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After speaking to Mom's doctor when I went to an appointment with her, he advised her she should not be driving. She continued to drive. :-( We all worried. I contacted the doctor and explained how she kept driving. We thought we had all her keys....she found a valet key she'd stashed away. The doctor contacted the Idaho State Transportation Department. They issued my mother a letter stating that it had come to their attention that she might not be a safe driver. They gave her a list of things to do (doctor's note, eye exam, retake the drivers' exam, and schedule a driving test) and a deadline. If she did not meet the requirements by the deadline, her license was no longer valid. Mom was not able to handle setting up and doing the things on the list. Her license expired. She didn't want to drive without a license. "That would be illegal!!!! and her insurance wouldn't pay for any wrecks!!!" she exclaimed. Thank you, Dr. C. and Thank you state of Idaho Transportation Department. Check with your DMV and see if they can do the same for you.

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I went through this with my dad, he is mid stage dementia. After several calls from the local police department they urged him DMV all they did was send him a letter that he had thirty days to either mail them his drivers license or be retested and send those results, this was sent to my address because he wouldn't have shown it to me. I told him about it, after I made a copy so he didn't tear up the only one, I told him until he retested I needed his keys. I told him tat when he taught me to drive he did not give me car keys until he knew I would be safe, that is what I am doing for you, I want you safe. He never went and got his keys but I went and got them showed him I had them and told him we can go on Monday to test I would be there around 9. When I got there he didnt want to go. He knew he shouldnt be driving. What you could do is tell her her car is broken from her last driving episode, no one was hurt but the car is broke. Or, you could just disconnect something under the hood so the car want start. Good luck with this, it isn't easy, it is easier than getting the call tat your loved one has been killed or has killed someone else because we don't want to deal with them being mad. If all else fails don't ask for the keys just go get them, it's because you love her and your fellow man. I don't regret my decision at all.

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Your aunt may well need to stop driving due to her memory issues and drinking habits. I would try to address the drinking and limit it. However, in general everyone young wants to have the elderly stop driving by some age 70,80 etc. But as a society we need to give the elderly alternate ways to travel if we extract their keys.

Most suburban areas have very limited if any public transportation for elderly who can only walk limited abouts, can't stand on a corner waiting for a bus and may need a lift if they want to ride public transportation to run errands etc.

Too often family members want to grab the keys but will they make a schedule of family members who will take grandmom or grandad to the store, to church, to doctor appts, to get their hair done and on it goes. Most resent taking them to their appts.

I allowed my elderly father to maintain his driver's license to age 92 but he actually stopped driving about age 87. It made him happy to have a car in the driveway, so I maintained the car with car insurance until his death recently.
If it gives them peace of mind it is worth it. I told him he had "graduated" to the wealthy class and had me to drive him to all his appts. He was happy not having to drive but had he been ignored my me and stuck in the house --losing his routine he wouldn't have been very happy. In the end he wasn't up to travel without a medical transport but that was only for the last yr of his life.

Good luck getting the keys but I think she will resist and resent a grab of the keys unless you get her to do it willingly.

Elizabeth

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Hi We went thru this with my dad having demenia, we talked to the doctor and she by law has to let the secretary of state know there are possible issues. Then a letter is sent out for the individual to go to the dmv and taked all the test, driving, written & vision. Aftre 3 tries my dad said he couldn't pass it, on the 4th try they revolk the priviliges. I then brought his car to my home so he would not drive it. He then gave the car to my daughter. This is the easiest way. Best wishes and lots of hugs because there will he an angry aunt. But you always have to remember her safty and the safety of others. Ask her if sh would let you drive if you wre sick or unable?

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My friend was in a meeting w/alzhimer husband and financial advisors and they told him that if he got in an accident they could sue for all they had. He handed over the keys. The End! Now w/my dementia husband I drove to DMV w/him. We went in, I told them he had dementia and needed a to know how to get him not to drive (he probably would have passed a test at that point). He handed me a sheet and said have the Dr. write it is not safe for him to drive and send it in to Olympia. Faxed sheet to Dr. said what he said to say, she fased back, mailed it in and shortly received notice that after a certain date his license would be revoked unless the Dr. said he improved. While in DMV the man asked my husband for his license which he changed and made it ID only. Whwn we got to the car he said isn't it my turn to drive? I said no and since have had a few scares when I didn't take the keys out to get gas and he got in the driver seat and refused to move and I refused to get in. Called our son who talked him out of the seat. Was upset for short while and then forgot it. I must never leave those keys in the car. He knows if he did take off he would be lost w/out me and not know where to go. The Lord does take care of us.

Any advice on how to take a car/driving away?

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