She is 77-year-old, her health is good other than COPD which is well managed with oxygen, etc. There is no dementia. She wants to be waited on--totally. Her main activity is napping and watching soap operas. There surely is depression going on--but she refuses to participate in anthing that will make it better. Actually she refuses to participate in anything and is very resentful if I participate in anything. She claims to be "sick", or says '"I "m dieing". My last visit to my sons was a disaster. (He is out of state--so I go for a week long visit about three times a year.)She tormented my husband who remained home to care for her--and when I spoke with her own the phone she would crie and sweaer she was dieng, etc etc. She is becoming so weak from just sitting in a recliner or laying in the bed that she has developed a stooped appearance when she does walk. This is awfully difficult for us.My husband is in very poor health, and needs alot of care, I am disabled from a birth defect in my spine that has left me with a nerve dystrophy and limited mobility. I just got out of the hospital today from a "cardiac event" that is about 100% stress. Can anyonme please share a thought on what to do with a parent who has decided to quit participating in life? (This is causing some huge problems in my home--not just our health--but our marriage is suffering, our kids are begging to really resent their grandmother, etc. It feels like she wants the nursing home care (someone to see to her every need) without going to a nursing home. Her selfishness is killing me. please help.
Time to take back control, enough of this nonsense. Take your husband away for a few days and put your heads together as to what to do with mom. A few days alone won't kill her right?
As long as you remain her willing slave, there's no incentive for her to get off her keyster and help herself. Make her an offer she can't refuse, and mean it: either pitch in or pitch herself out to assisted living or somewhere else where she can drive someone else nuts. ... Stop being a doormat and start respecting yourself again.
-- ED
Best of luck!
Hap
My mother complains about PT not doing anything for her, but the rest of the story is that she will not meet them half way with any effort and then almost has to be begged to participate which is self-fish.
See All Answers