I was just signed up by the va as my mom's fiduciary. She has cognitive impairment and my sister is taking advantage of that and trying to convince mom to send her money. She is trying to make me look like the bad guy, very hard to get through to my mom that this is not the case. I am also POA, for the last 5 years my sister and I have been butting heads. She doesn't want mom near her (fla.) only interested in money and her finances, doesn't trust me with anything. I can't get throught their heads that I have moms best interest. This very stressful and I want to give up, don't know what to do? Is anyone out there a fiduciary?
The things we learn about our siblings that we were blind-sided to before. I really thought my family truly was the 1950s June & Ward Cleaver, Father Knows Best, household. My parents were - but this society affected my siblings. Sister even married her 2nd husband, 17 yrs older than her, and all was well while he was able to travel & have fun together -- but as soon as he was headed for open heart surgery, she divorced him. How cruel & crass is that?!
So, I wish I had a helpful answer for both of you & me. Other than to hold our head up high, live our morals/values, and know that we'll get our reward, it all balances out in the end. And, the wheels of justice can tread too slow.
If you're her POA but don't have control of her money, take control. Keep your mom in the loop to the extent that she's able to understand, but keep a tight rein on the money. If your mom has shown signs of being vulnerable to scammers (in addition to her greedy daughter), she shouldn't have access to her money. Make sure she has pocket money to spend, and you keep control of the rest. Don't wait until it's too late.
You need to talk with your mother's doctor (s) about her cognitive impairment and then with her lawyer about setting up legal protection on her finances. Bank officials need to be notified also about who had access to accounts and for what reasons. Do not be embarrassed telling everything that is happening in your family regarding protecting your mother's finances as unfortunately they have heard it all before and worse. I've had to do this with my mother in case in the future my mom has any health issues.
Do your best for your mom, keep the best records of her assets and spending that you can and try to shut out the interference from your sister. Her not trusting you is probably just a projection of her own motives on to you. You do not need to answer to your sister unless she gets the court involved, and your records will protect you. I have been told that judges do not look kindly on siblings whose motives are so obvious.
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