My 96 yr old mom has lived with me for the last 13 years. After a fall 2 yrs ago it was determined that she could no longer be left alone so I cut back on my working hrs and hired a caregiver for 16 hrs a week. However I am still finding it too difficult to do on my own. I have many siblings, 4 of whom live no more than 10 min. away. They are free to travel, spend time with grandkids and socialize. Most make a point of dropping in unannouced, once a week for an hr., but with no notice given I cant use that time to do more than make a quick trip to the store. I put my moms name on a list for a beautiful, new nh 2 yrs ago and Ive been told her name is now at the top of the list. Whenever Ive mentioned nursing homes in the past my mom always just smiled and said if she couldnt stay with me she would just move in with one of my sister.....they wont take her! They have suggested I just tell her I am moving, take her to the nursing home and pretend its our new apt. Mom does have some short term memory loss but she is well aware of her surroundings and will certainly know she was duped! She is always pleasent, and uncomplaining and I hate to tell her the only reason she cant live with me is the lack of support from her other children. I am heartbroken and so incredably sad for my mom, but I really really need my life back. Any suggestions on how to tell her.....the time is coming soon.
Making a decision for a Nursing home for your mom can be the most difficult choice. It was for me. It took along adjustment period for my mom. She fell in her apartment, couldn't get up to press the help button nor had realized that her pendant she had been wearing that she could have pressed. I had to take her to Ems for check of breaks. After 3 days and a subsequent care at rehab she the decision for nursing home was apparently what I had to face. Many family members did not disagree. You are choosing a safe place for your mom. And ther are many of your siblings that can visit. And the grandchildren. I had to remind myself mom is there for her safety not to be forgotten. Mom has been at the NH for 2 years. I still feel guilty, but I know she's there for her safety. My faith and my spiritual guidance reassured my decision. When you make your decision I hope you will find peace in your heart in due time. Take care of your self. You are a beautiful person to be with your mom. Be sure to have a Poa for your mom and health care advocate for many decisions at the NH. God Bless.
This situation is a team effort and your mother may be willing to embrace that concept. If not, then it's time for tough love. Emphasis on love. I find that my 95-year-old mother (who has dementia) is a lot more receptive when I come from a place of love rather than frustration.
Good luck and God bless.
She is scared to be alone and likes to be with me all the time. That just breaks my heart. She loves attention and would be okay if lots of aids and workers would be around her. I don't want her just sitting in her room all by herself. She also is scared to go to bed at night by herself, and I don't know how she will do at the memory care place. I usually lay down with her until she goes to sleep. I am so protective of her and I have been so upset about leaving her at the memory care unit. She never lived on her own and was independent. She always lived with family. She doesn't do anything at home except walk around and sit and walk around again. She mostly looks at her magazines and talks to the people like they are her friends. She is a very picky eater and only eats a handful of things I know that she likes. So of course I am concerned about her eating. Today she was drinking water and forgot how to swallow and scared herself. She was always social, but I don't know if she will be at the memory care. I just keep picturing her sitting in her room with nothing to do and feeling so lonely and crying and not really knowing why I left her there. This is so painful to me if I only knew she would be okay.
http://www.infolongtermcare.org/ease-the-transition-from-home-to-ltc-facility/
You may find it helpful in dealing with moving your mom to a nursing home
Can someone tell me what the staff in the Alzheimer's-memory care specialty units actually DO for or with the patients in the late afternoons when the sundowning kicks in? My mom is still very much ambulatory and has no physical problems to speak of. Would appreciate somebody elaborating on this; what's a day really like in these higher priced places for folks like my mom.