About six weeks ago (?) I posted a message about being an only child and how frustrated I was when my mother would say "You're all I have." I really appreciate the supportive responses I got, and just the general resource of this forum, which I'd already been following for a while (reading other people's situations/feelings was a huge comfort).
Anyway, I never responded to those comments because right after that, my mother got very sick with sepsis and died. I'm having a lot of super-complicated feelings about it, but I still find myself drawn to this forum, I think because it's a reminder that complicated feelings are human.
Thanks to everyone here, it's really a tremendous source of information, tough love, soft love, and moral support -- I'll probably continue to lurk for a while.
I doubt very much that you were a "LousyDaughter".
(((hugs))).
I am sorry your sweet mom passed. Wishing you peace and understanding that eases the difficult memories and brings the joy of happier times.
Thinking of you as you grieve this loss.
Most of all, I hope you will stay around on the forum for those of us on the cusp of losing our mothers. We’re going to need you.
My Mom passed 2017. I stayed on the forum because I felt I had something to give.
Yet and all I hope you will feel at least a little bit of the relief I felt when my parents, who I dearly loved, left. And for my brother who was so very ready to go and hoped he could beat Lewy's to the best last bits of his brain by grasping the hands of the Grim Reaper first. I felt relief for them that their torment was over. I felt relieved I no longer had to live in fear for them and in fear of standing witness to further losses for them.
Things ARE so complicated. Two things can be true at the same time. And a good Irish wake where they discuss the good AND the bad of a long long life, with laughter AND tears would go a way to help many in our time, though is--I am certain--no longer "woke" or "PC". Truth in all this is VERY complicated. So often there ARE no answers and we are left with "fix-it!" brains unable to fix it at all.
I hope you will stay on this forum. My brother died give years ago next May, and I remain here. I am an old bat of a retired RN who really, at 82, doesn't contribute much of any value to this world. Those I once cared for are all gone. But here I can either contribute or get my advice kicked to the curb (where sometimes he undoubtedly belongs).
Take good care of yourself.
No matter how "complicated" things are there are deep feelings when you lose a parent.
After reading our comments and replies to this and your previous post I hope you do not feel that you are a "LousyDaughter"
Please do "lurk" and contribute when you can when someone else posts that has the same feelings and circumstances you have had. We are on a journey some paths are different but converge at times.
I'm glad you were able to honor your mothers wishes in the end and that this particular burden has been lifted.
I pray that God's peace, comfort and strength will be with you in the days, weeks and months ahead.
I'm glad we were able to help and support you. Why not stick around and share your experiences with others?
Wishing you healing and grace for yourself as you move forward.
One thing, if it's helpful to anyone reading this, is that when we were in the ER, the doctor came in and told me she was septic, etc.,, and they could put her in ICU or take the comfort care measures she said she wanted in her paperwork and send her to a hospice facility. I said do the latter because she was really suffering (it was horrible) but the experience of hospice was absolutely incredible and humbling. I can't think those strangers enough for *truly* taking care of her, and although I have really painful feelings, I wouldn't have done anything differently