The demands, do they keep getting worse?

I guess next time mom wants something right away she will pay for delivery and installation. Don't injure yourself or your husband picking up this appliance. Tell her to call the store back and pay for delivery.

And congratulations on using the word no and sticking to it.

I'm happy that you are doing better with boundaries between your mom's needs (her emergency is not your emergency) and yours.

I would like to suggest that regardless of your mom's personality prior to dementia, it will be unproductive for you to keep reacting to her as if she's her "old" self with her well-worn motives and manipulations. Dementia is robbing her of her ability to work from reason and logic, and any ability to empathize with anyone's circumstance, health, condition, etc. You may find that changing tactics will be less frustrating and exhausting for you. Feel free to use "therapeutic fibs" to get her focus off what she is stuck on: "Mom, I'm so sorry but the store has certain hours for pick-up and it can't happen right now. I'll call them in the morning to see when I can go." If she repeats her demand, just repeat the fib, and then eventually use diversion and distraction to change the topic.

I found this list to be very helpful in my own caregiving situation, and I think it will help you, too. I also recommend watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to understand what dementia does to people and to learn how to interact with them for more peaceful and productive engagement.

Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia:

1) Agree, do not argue

2) Divert, do not attempt to reason

3) Distract, do not shame

4) Reassure, do not lecture

5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”

6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”

7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”

8) Ask, do not demand

9) Encourage, do not condescend

10) Reinforce, never force


The overall goals should be to:

1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible 
     (because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)

2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people

3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing

4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive) 

5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)

The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.

"No, mom. Not today".

Love the above statement. Short. Informative. Assertive.

Maybe an add on?
Eg "No, Mom. Not today" with "I can't. You could ask *insert: paid caregiver's name* when they next visit. Don't worry, it will get done".

Kind of using Geaton's points 2) divert + reassure 4).

MDaughter50, one thing I had noticed with my own parents is that they still saw me as a "kid" and what do kids know.... [sigh].

My folks still viewed me as being 25 years old instead of 65 years old with my own age related issues. Even waving my own Medicare card and my AAPR membership didn't sink in.

When they asked me to change the light bulbs in the ceiling lights, they looked at me like my hair was on fire when I said I no longer climb ladders. Eventually they called an electrician who changed the bulbs.

Oh how I wished I would have set boundaries when my parents first started to need extra help, it would have saved me a lot of stress and health issues that I had developed.

Vascular Dementia is an insidious invisible creep.

There was a very l.o.n.g thread way back describing the daily demands from an undiagnosed MIL.

The intention of *one day of help offered per week* was good. Just so hard to implement. Constant daily calls, expectations & pressure would spill out onto the OP. When she said "No, not today..." then her DH, SIL or adult child would have been phoned (also busy) so added pressure to the OP "can't you just... Just this once.."

The "I forgot I need.." calls - when OP had done ALL the shopping the day before.

The "I need X. It must be today!" An assortment of things most folk buy in advance - dog food, printer paper etc.

"Did I tell you I have an doctor/heart/eye/foot/skin/hair appointment TODAY & I need you to drive me".

"I need the leaves raked up TODAY because I may slip outside!"

Add on time Mission Creep too +++

Grocery collect 1.5 hrs. Oh but get coffee, haircut, specially dog food store other side of town, now may as well buy lunch... then post office, few more shops, may as well order dinner for takeaway now to save cooking later, from that great place 15 mins away.. ok bye now I REALLY have to go. Be back NEXT week.

Then very next morning... ring ring.

Does it get worse you ask?

I think the best outcome is that you finally said “No Mom. Not today’. Say it again, and again, whenever you need to. Not an argument, not a shout, just ‘No’. Put the phone down, walk out. Don’t wait for the backlash.

She’s a tyrant and has probably used her rages to control people all her life. What would happen if you pretended to lose your temper right back at her? I mean attack as viciously as she does? She might be so taken aback that she’d be speechless. I’ve had to deal with someone who was eventually diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Rage Syndrome. It was like what you described. I wish I’d tried the raging right back at them, but I’m non confrontational and didn’t think of it. Mood meds might help your mother, so you could look into it. But don’t count on them working very well because IERS is a serious personality disorder. If you try the right-back-at-her technique, please let us know what happens. Wow, maybe she’d even fire you.

When my dad passed, we told my mom she should sell her house and move in with us....We've heard every excuse in the book and demands that are ridiculous. She told us our house isn't handy to anything, and we live right in town! She said our house is too dirty for her, too small, too this too that, just insulting and rude. Then on the flip side, she complains she's lonely and this house is too big for me....But when I say anything about moving in with us, the rude excuses start again. I heard this out of many other people, they get rude and demanding. We've made expensive updates to our home to accommodate her and nothing is ever good enough. So, I figure...when she can't walk at all, her views might change...I can tell she's getting dementia too and worry about her falling victim to scammers. God bless and good luck everyone.

Your mother sounds like she was spoiled and demanding long before she acquired dementia.

It doesn’t matter what her disease process is. You cannot allow yourself to become a slave to it. Tell her “No” whenever she makes an unreasonable demand and mean it; stay strong, and do not give in. If she begins to throw a tantrum, leave immediately.

The instinct for survival will result in accommodation, no matter what disease she has, until she loses contact with reality. It doesn’t sound like she is at that point. You might notice that she still has mental acumen sufficient to pick her targets. If she’s well enough to order gadgets, she’s well enough to bend to your demands for peace and reasonableness.

If she’s doing this to the caregivers, you also need to advise them not to bend to her unreasonable demands and back them up when incidents occur. It’s difficult to reason with any elder who mistakenly believes she is and always will be “in charge” so don’t even try. Just refuse without bothering to explain your reasons.

I started having similar problems with my dad when he was in the earlier stages of vascular dementia. He hadn’t even been diagnosed yet. We knew something wasn’t right. At the time I thought he was just being a jerk and I also got so angry it took days for me to calm down after each incident. Finally he had a very bad accident and almost died. He was then diagnosed while in the hospital and had to come live with me after that. Once I began to understand the disease (my dad wasn’t always easy to deal with before he had it either!) I understood he could not help the way he acted. His brain just could not function like a normal person who can filter things. In her right mind your mother might have been more aware that you have needs too, but in her present state everything she needs is urgent. I was able to go to counseling during that time I took care of my dad (I had also just lost my husband to a brain tumor so it was a very sad time) and it helped a lot in sorting out some of these things. My dad’s doctors also assured me (because he often got surly and insulting with them) that it was the disease and not him and they didn’t take it personally. I don’t know if this will happen with your mom, but as my dads disease progressed he actually got nicer! He’d say the sweetest things to me and he really didn’t appreciate my caring for him. It kind of helped put closure to things since we had never been close, as my mom divorced him when I was very young. So, get as much help as you can afford, get counseling if you can, and above all don’t take any of it personally. Remember the brain is an organ that controls everything we do. If it’s out of whack we are not going to be able to interact with sensibility.

My only experience with dementia is with my mother who has been living with me for almost 5 years - she's now 95 years old.

She is still just as demanding and entitled as she ever was, and I blame it on her personality and being coddled her entire life rather than the dementia. The dementia has only served to harden it and eliminate what ability she had to empathize with others and be self-aware.

When I was growing up, her job was the most important thing in her life and everything and everyone else came second. She forced me to be the housecleaner, the table-setter, the bed-maker. My now-deceased brother would laugh and say "you were her slave".

If I didn't abide by the chores and rules I would get screamed at and told that I looked like "dead flies are dropping off of you" and other charming comments.

We only had one shower in the house where I grew up, and no one - I mean no one - could shower before her in the mornings because she didn't like wet shower curtains. Just one of many demands that were met for her comfort.

And now here we are. I'm still her indentured servant at 63 years old.

Her demands are constant and relentless. If I don't answer or respond right away, she just gets louder until she's literally barking my name and demanding that I
"come here!!" Just yesterday afternoon as I was within 4 feet of her this happened and I told her - as per usual - that I will not respond when she speaks disrespectfully and she refuses - shakes her head no.

She's not going to change, so it's my responsibility to not be triggered and to give her whatever it is that she wants so she'll be quiet for a few minutes.

I have been in your boat, (as so many others.) When my mom had Alzheimer's, she'd want something right then and there. It was as if she were a toddler. If I was on the phone, and told her I'd get whatever it was that she wanted in a minute or 2, as soon as I was off the phone, she was very impatient. I understand about the dog issues too. My dog was diagnosed with tapeworms (a mild situation), around the same time my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Since they both had had other health issues previously, I took every health situation seriously. I even wrote a book about our travails with Alzheimer's called, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale."(We took care of my mom for 5 years). I thought of the title when I was driving home from work 1 day, and I realized that my once broad life was reduced to the pressing health concerns of my mom and dog. I had to force myself to remember that my mom's demanding nature was just the disease talking. Best of luck.

Good Morning,

Try to steam line everything. The good news is pretty much everything nowadays can be delivered--prescriptions, clothing, groceries.

If you need anything major (appliances) if you can wait til Black Friday--you can do all of this online. I'm not a big online shopper. I agree with Dave Ramsey "one click of button and there's a box on your porch". Buy only necessities.

With the elderly a little thing to us can appear like a big thing to them. My mother thought we were running out of facecloths even though we just bout a 24-pack from Walmart. They worry about these things. Just hold their hand and tell them your needs will be provided or sometimes I simply say to Mom with dementia--good thinking, we'll get more facecloths.

They think they are helping. Their brain is wearing out and they become fixed on one particular topic.

Good learning. Do it sooner and more often when she is difficult, before you get mad. She may learn some control, maybe not. But if you remove herself from her tantrums, it will help you stay sane. However, when she is pleasanter, shower her with attention. Even one cell organisms can learn from basic reinforcement. Try and keep things as calm or brief as possible. It would be useful for the caretakers as well when it is safe to remove themselves from silly behavior- briefly.

That is not just the dementia talking, that really part of her real demeanor. My mother was always like that ”well it’s broken, so let’s get it replaced now!” and she particularly wanted things done at her will, cuz she physically felt out of control that she couldn’t do it herself.

"No" is a complete sentence, further explanation is not necessary.

Sorry you are having to deal with this, it is all so hard. And yes, it just gets worse (my experience and still going through it).

Firm boundaries are key. My 85 YO mom in a nursing home now 2 years (dementia and a host of other mental and physical conditions), at first she kept asking for things over and over. Bring this or that, it was never ending: Me: "Mom, I already brought it." Her screaming: "No, you did not bring it. You never do what I tell you. You have to do what I tell you to do!" or Her screaming: "You brought me the wrong sweater, I wanted the blue one. You can never do what I tell you to do." (of course, she asked for the blue one....) Maddening. My solution to NOT bring anything further.....One day, I just said NO, nothing left to bring. Staff tell me if she needs new tops or bottoms, all have to be easy over the head loose tops and pull up type cropped PJ-type bottoms (cannot do zippers, buttons, etc now).

Do what one can to "not take it personal." This one is really hard to do especially if the abusive verbal, victimhood, guilt tripping, patterns were all there well before the dementia diagnosis. Often dementia (they loose their "filter" more and more as the disease progresses) just ramps it all up. Sadly, the abusive pattern (toxic frankly) was my entire childhood (that is another story).

Visit or call when it works for you and set time limits. I initially started with one call every other week and then on the opposite weeks a 30 min visit.

Go low or no contact, if you have to. Part of my low contact in year 2 was to block her number. I had set up her cell w/a picture of me to press to call me years before (oh, why did I do that). She'd press the image over and over all hours of the night. The calls never stopped. So blocking the number was the solution. I can then choose to see if she called (the call does not go through, but she can still leave a message.) Often there is no message, because I think she has forgotten she can leave a message. Sometimes, it is a rant. I look and listen about every 2 weeks. The nursing home will call me if there is "any change in status."

My mom did live with us (my husband and I and our kids) for a long while before the NH placement. We tried to handle it but it was NOT sustainable. She would fall, and I could not get her up. My husband (he has a back back) and I would struggle to get her up. The crazy rants, the nocturnal behavior, the refusal to take Rx meds (because she "didn't have that disease -- diabetes, heart disease, thyroid issues, high cholesterol, arthritis, emphysema). Me: "Yes, mom remember we just saw the pulmonologist for your emphysema and you need to take X." Her screaming: "I don't have that!" -- she's had it for 15 years, 3 pack a day habit since she was 15, only quit when she moved in w/us as that was a requirement -- no smoking allowed in my house.....)

So yes, it just got worse and worse. She is in one of the best nursing homes in our state, hates it and hates me for NOT allowing her back into our house w/the expectation I would handle all her care by myself. She had a bad fall, a collapsed lung, a resistant bacterial and also a fungal infection (IV antibiotics for 8 weeks) and a GI bleed that landed her in the hospital for 2 weeks. Post hospital it was off to a "rehab" hospital because of the IV antibiotics. Thereafter, I said NO to her coming back to our house. Her behavior only got worse and worse towards me. That is 2 years ago now and after going low contact, I am now in full no contact mode. Again, the NH will call if there is a "change in status."

Forgive me for pointing out the obvious that your own responsibilities are about all you can manage, especially in 100 degress weather, and that the word No should no longer be used with your mom. You are an over-and-above kind of person and you're over whipped, coming and going.

If I may suggest, everytime you're stressed, and about to check-in on your mom, imagine yourself appearing before yourself in your most peaceful and in-charge frame of mind (too perfect for even make-up, with your hair moving in a lovely ghostly breeze), acting like a beautiful Stop Sign blocking your way. Take a detour away from her direction, regroup, see her after you've well deservedly collected yourself and feeling 10 ft tall than her.

As you already brilliantly touch on and know, the world won't end. You are more right than you will allow yourself to acknowledge.

Take a day to relax after a hard grind and take care of what's important to you. If you can, go for an easy swim or something else that doesn't require much from you. Drive to a park if only to stare out while sitting on a bench. Peacefully enjoy sweet nothing youtime.

It's difficult to think when you're already spent, tired to death, riled with nothing left to give, and yet your nerves, and an unreasonable sense obligations will push you like a race car forced to take yet another lap (seeing your mom). In such a state self-protective thoughts are hard to come to you. The body and mind will keep speeding forward recklessly from the momentum and going reverse rather than striking a wall is rarely a considered option. Reverse is good and mind blowing.

Everytime your mom, the sad mental blank slate parrot, starts drilling, say; Yes, right away mom, or some other (I know you'll want to gag) affirming pleasantry, and/or walk out. Do what you can when you can.

Part of the problem is that we all, all, think deeply that we need a mother's validation. You were starved and you have to learn, know, understand down to your marrow that it's not "a score" to get validation from a broken person. Stop.

Get a delivery person to install the appliance. If it's not possible, then with your confident head up, and a wonderful "oh-well" breath out, think - "It'll get done. I am reliable. I am a charitable person. I give time, effort and serious concern even when I'm not with her. I am a caregiver."

You are terrific even though there is no appreciation and you feel like you're casting pearls to swine. You're very terrific. Who would do what you do?

Remember you have a reverse gear. Have fun with it.

I’ve learned you ABSOLUTELY have to set boundaries & stick to them (sometimes much harder said then done, believe me). There is nothing wrong with saying no. And you’re not obligated to give an explanation. You are only human. You bleed, you break, you get physically & mentally exhausted. There is nothing wrong with that. I don’t have the luxury of caregivers. I get hospice help with bathing twice a week. 99% of everything else rests with me 24/7. I change pads, deal with potty fiascos, 16 phone calls in a 8 minute period for absolutely nothing important (did I know it’s supposed to rain, another telemarketer called, her eye hurts, her nose itches). Even when you have extra hands, caregiver burnout is real. At the end of the day, there is so much resting on your shoulders between your mom & all her stuff plus your own life. It’s maddening. Sometimes taking a step back -literally & figuratively- goes a long way. In many cases, like mine, your loved one’s dying process is drawn out & dramatic. You feel like there’s no peaceful *anything* about the whole situation & the end will never come. Days seem like weeks or months. Months seem like years. Don’t feel bad about sticking to your limits because honestly everyone has them & going past those limits isn’t healthy for anyone.

I am 12 going on 70 and have no rights or privacy. But I am trying to not react to the demands and triggers.
Yesterday it was all about buying a golf cart (she can’t drive) and what money she has in the bank (none.) After driving her to golf cart stores around town all day she wanted me to help her on computer to see bank info ( it takes hours because she can’t do tech anymore but insists on doing it herself. I have health issues and had to lay down but no she kept pushing. So I went in my bedroom but she opened door to wake me up about 10 minutes later. I got up and beat her to the computer, wrote down bank balances and went back to bed with locked door this time. She found it locked and flipped out Bang on door, looking for key etc. Later all was fine.
Wasn’t till the next day I figured out why it happened and what I should have done. I should have acknowledged how frustrating it must be not to be able to do the things you used to like driving, using a computer. You’re really tired now which makes the frustration even worse, and all of it hard to understand. Why don’t we both take a break and work on this later.
Not sure it would have worked but would have kept me calmer!

You have to set boundaries that will work for YOU.
If they do not work for her she can hire someone to do what she "needs/wants" done right away.
YOU give her the amount of time and the day that works for you and your family. THEY come first.

Well, I appreciate your question so much, because the explanation of your frustration verifies exactly why I refuse to take my daughter up on her request that I move 1700 miles and live with her. I would rather tun myself over to the state for care first. At least their care givers go home and don’t feel on duty 24/7.
A possible solution for you would to be order. Schedule a time for things to be done, like Saturday mornings. Be sure that you keep the schedule, because if you don’t, it won’t work.
Make a list and put it on tve refrigerator for her to look at with time, day, date and to be done list, and when she ask again and again, point her to the list. Add things as she needs them.
Her world is changing, but something steady can help her to keep her place. She is scared. When we get old, we lose so much security and stability just because of age, if there is nothing else happening. I am soon to be 89, and my mind is still sharp, but my body unfortunately has many limitations.
Fortunately I have sons, and they work on my lists. For my hands on needs, we hire a care giver to come for a few hours weekly. It’s worth the cost. It’s somehow harder for daughters to not start thinking that they are the parent. My daughter has treated me like I was her misbehaving 3 year old since she was 30, so I thank God for those 1700 miles. Remember this, if you don’t die first, you will get old, and you will need help. Never forget that, and it will make caring much easier. She’s your mother, not your child. Her condition doesn’t change that, but you are now the responsible one. If you have children, they are watching you, and learning how to take care of a parent. God bless you.

Thanks for inviting us all to your pity party! Your mother has dementia. She is not in her right mind. She can not control her reactions. She is no longer capable of reasonable thought. She can not help it! YOU, on the other hand, do not have dementia and ARE capable of controlling your actions and reactions! Did she complain about caring for you as a baby?! Sorry, but I cared for my wonderful parents for years and I know it can be very difficult in so many ways, but now YOU are the ADULT so ACT LIKE ONE! Be grateful for your mother. Be an example for your children if you really are so selfish!

As it may be, they go back into being a child and dont care...You be strong and know that God is just a prayer away....

Sounds like you are in dire need of an assistant who can take your place when mom is in need (real or imagined). You also sound like you're in great need of a pampering vacation, maybe in one where you don't have to engage with others. How about a spa resort in Arizona..........go ahead, Google it!

In the meantime, you can interview some, "Visiting Angels" to spend time with mom and help her with her purchases, then you can be her visitor instead of her helper.

When my son needed help with doggie care, he hired helpers from CARE.COM - mostly students, but sometimes retired people.

Wow, our lives are so similar, except my shot was in the knee, no sick dog. My mom has vascular dementia too. The tantrums can be horrendous, but she has always been this way. The times that I threatened to leave have brought a response of either: she stops right away OR tells me "I hate you, I wish you had never been born." Then I leave. Do not reward bad behavior.

From my experience, yes it does

I am REALLY thinking of standing up for myself and going against these stupid arbitrary rules my mom has created because I am an adult but I dread what her reaction would be

"You did WHAT?!?" she would say

Then she would most likely kick me out of the house and right now I have nowhere else to go

It sucks

I have no real freedom or autonomy

I believe she has early stages of Dementia and she is just getting worse & worse!

This is typical behavior of someone with dementia. Don't take it personally. Also don't expect her to be different. Try not to argue with her (it won't help), and reasoning also doesn't help when a person has dementia. People with dementia lose the ability to think ahead, plan, learn, be empathetic and be patient. That's why they often want things done right away. They are living in the moment. Just calmly tell her that you'll get it for her as soon as you can. She was having a bad day. Maybe it's time for her to stop using kitchen appliances. You'll have to keep an eye on it. My mother, when she was still in independent living put inappropriate things in the microwave and blew it out. At that point, the socialworker there suggested that she go memory care, where they don't have cooking appliances (or sharp objects) in the room. All the best to you both.

MDaughter, I hear you. My mother wanted everyone to drop everything & get things done for her yesterday. Immediately wasn't fast enough, and she honestly felt entitled to such service, and service with a smile no less! She was always that way, but as she developed dementia, that entitlement issue worsened. She began treating my father like an indentured servant too, although she'd always treated him like garbage. Then when he died, she turned her wrath on me but there was only SO much of it I would take. She continued living in AL after dad died, so many of her demands were met by the staff there, on THEIR timetable, not hers, however. Which I got to hear the complaints about ALL the time, of course. She had no patience to wait one moment for anything.

The invalidation of your feelings is not okay, broken brain or no broken brain. It's very important for you to take care of yourself and your own health issues so that you don't find yourself incapacitated one of these days, God forbid. Learn to say No, as I did. Learn to put yourself first sometimes, and to put mom second. Realize that the earth will still revolve on its axis if she has to wait for something! That her life won't end even though she may tell you otherwise. Know that she can scoff and huff and puff and all the rest of it, but it doesn't really matter. She'll live through THAT too! Learn to tell fiblets when necessary, such as 'the store is closed' or "Best Buy ran out of that appliance" or whatever needs to be said to shut down the conversation at any given moment. Learn to postpone the demands until YOU are ready to address them. Set boundaries and stick to them.

I'm glad you were able to say No mom, not today. You lived through it and so did mom, yay! Keep practicing those words till they roll easily off of your tongue! You'll get to be an expert at it in no time.

Good luck!

I'm so sorry :( This is a very rough journey to navigate, there is no manual to help us. :(
It sounds like you are in that 'sandwich' generation...full time job, your own family obligations, a pet, along with the extra burden and obligation of trying to care for your Mom. The unfortunate thing about dementia or alzheimer's is that it can be unique to each person that suffers with it and trying to find the right words when you're already exhausted yourself can be very tricky, even when you think you found something that works. It doesn't always work the next time...so you'll need to find and load your arsenal of tricks to be at the ready <3 Finding the 'triggers' can sometimes be easy, but I think as time goes by, you'll be in for more surprises along the way. :(
Please try and understand that your Mom's lashing out at you could be her confusion of not understanding what is going on in her world anymore :( What once made sense to her is getting lost and she's scared...and the only person that she seems to take it out on is you :( Could be her medication (if she's on any) needs adjusting...could be that you'll find that barometric changes or the full moon will also intensify how she reacts to situations. Keeping track of when these outburst seem to be heightened might be helpful, so you can discuss things with her physician.
You also sound like you are experiencing, what is refered to, as 'caregiver burn out' and need to find that pressure release valve. If it's possible to take a weeks vacation, and do something fun...plan a few days away to a retreat of sorts..whatever makes you happy so you can recharge your batteries. And once you are rested you'll be able to create a plan that helps balance your needs and your Mom's care..you'll feel so much better.
I didn't read if you are the only child..are if there are other siblings that could share the load? It sounds like you are doing the best you can, feel good about that..it takes a special person to take on this role. Hopefully, you'll be able to find other sources of help for your Mom...and maybe the next time she needs to order something, *suggest* that she choose to have it delivered, that way she will be able to have it ready for the next step (putting it together, or plugging it in) It may give her a sense of still being able to hang onto something she has control over..and you wont be taking time away from your other obligations by driving to the store to pick something up.

One day, you'll only have memories to look back on...I can only suggest you try and make them happy one's if you can. If she has hobbies she can still do to pass the time. My husband is at end stage Alzheimer's and there have been a lot of peaks and valleys..but now, somewhere in that vacant stare, my husband resides. He too has small vessel cerebrovascular disease, making him more prone to stroke. It's been difficult and times, but we all do the best we can, to help them transition from one phase to the next.

Take care and I wish you all the best in finding that balance.

I don't get it. Your Mom get very upset when you say NO and there no way around the word so you keep saying the word NO.
------------- Silly Rabbit.