Now my mom is on the waiting list to get in where they can help her with her needs with Alzheimer's. I am worried that my sister might want me out of the house. I am so stressed out over this. Mom is set, dad made sure she is well taken care of when he passed away, I did not sleep a wink last night.
Are you living with mom and caring for her?
Who holds mom's Power of Attorney for Healthcare and finances?
Can you start to make arrangements for someplace to live after mom goes into care?
But it is made after great thought and realization that:
1) This is a decision that is made with the best interest at heart.
2) It is made with Safety as a priority.
3) It is made with the understanding that your loved ones care has reached a point that they need more care than you can provide at home.
As to where you are currently living. Have you discussed with your sister what has to happen to the house?
Can you maintain it, keep current with all bills? (property tax, insurance, gas, electric and so on)
What was your understanding of what would happen when mom would have to be placed in care?
How long have you lived with Mom? Did you help in any way like paying rent? You maybe considered a tenant and as such your sister cannot ask you to leave without giving u a certain length of time. Maybe you can make a deal with Sis. Maybe pay taxes, utilities and upkeep on the house. Maybe rent and utilities. Better the house is occupied than empty. If she wants to sell, you can remain there till its sold. That gives u time to find a place. You can refuse to leave then she has to evict. But in the end, you need to find a place of your own or make a deal with her. And, put the deal in writing with u both signing and have it notarized to protect yourself.
You DO have skills. You have cared for an elder and that is a huge skill you can take to places that are scrambling to try to stay staffed. Speak with your sister about your needs for shelter. If she is not selling the home (I assume she is POA as she placed your Mom) then the home should not be left deserted. They deteriorate quickly and they require guarding and maintenance. Discuss with Sis how you can do that and ask for a time frame when you need to be on your own. Then hone your skills, get that job and start out slowly, first renting perhaps a room in someone's home.
I wish you the best. This is a lot to take on when you are grieving a real life change. Be reasonable and talk with your Sister. I hope you will update us on how you are doing.
You haven't said how the relations are with your sister. Has she been critical of you in the past? Your profile says that you work full time and are on-call for the company you work for. Are you paid well enough to be able to afford to live on your own?
Why do you think your sister might want you out of the house?
How long do you think it will take for Mom to get off the wait list? Are you assuming that sister wants you to sell the house to pay for Mom's future care? Do you have to do that or does Mom have enough saved up so that the house would not have to be sold immediately?
Do you have some significant obligations that no one other than you or your Mom know about?
I think once you open up communications with your sister and anyone else who will/should be involved (Mom's relatives and friends), you will still be stressed, however, at least you will have more information so that you can begin to plan for your future.
One step at a time.
Calm yourself, look after M, don’t put too much pressure on S for instant decisions. Give yourselves another week to settle down, and agree with S for a planning session after that. That’s an adult approach! Love, Margaret