I have an unusual problem. My mother's caregiver, who supports her in a memory care facility, buys little things for my mother such as a milkshake, or something else to eat. However, this Christmas she bought Mother some clothes and purchased matching handbags for my sister and me. We have employed this caregiver for over a year and we tip very, very well. Nonetheless, I'm uncomfortable with this gift-giving on the caregiver's part. I travel to see my mother very soon and will need to respond to the gift the caregiver gave me, as well as figure out what to do about this going forward. Can anyone relate?
Tell your caregiver:
First let us thank you for your thoughtful gifts to us. We must ask you, however, if you will refrain from giving us further gifts. The small tokens we gave you were given as our appreciation of your wonderful care. They weren't meant to be compensated or returned to us in any way. It is you doing us the special favor of extraordinary care.
Please if you notice that Mom needs any items we haven't provided, do let us know so we can provide those for her.
We want again to thank you for your wonderful care. We hope you understand.
Then leave it be. I agree that this caregiver is just not thinking here; she shouldn't feel obligated to return any tip or gift and shouldn't be spending her wages on you or your Mom. I think she means well and often these exchanges are cultural as politeness.
I hope this works. Best to you.
I would diplomatically let the caregiver know that your Mom has all the clothes she needs and paid for out of her own funds, but that it was very sweet gesture.
Tell her to please not purchase gifts for us, either, as "your very devoted and attentive care of our Mother is the best of all gifts, no need for any others."