It's affecting my children now. She tells me often that she was much happier in the nursing home across country.But since she has moved back she refuses to use the equipment she was given to get in and out of bed making me have to assist her and have pulled muscles as she weighs 400 +. She constantly verbally and mentally abuses me and says if I don't meet every single request on the dot even things she can do that my children and I won't have a place to live as the house is in her name :(
Sounds like she is frustrated by her situation and wielding what small bit of power she has over you and making your life miserable. So sorry for that, and wish there was a solution for that part.
If mom has the funds to private pay for care, that's great. But if she doesn't, then she will need to apply for Medicaid. If it looks like that is what is going to happen, you need to give careful thought on what that means not only for her but for you & your family to have a place to live. Does mom have the ability to private pay for at least 2 years NH? Do you have your own source of income & work full time OR have you been a full time caregiver for the last 2 -3 years for her?
I wish you well, you have my prayers, and hopes that you have sufficient naps and other respite. But I'd take the metal stick away and find some slightly more pleasant way to be summoned!! Or move her to a room where you are nearby, and see if there is any small way to involve her in a distracting activity, even folding towels or stamping and return addressing letters or something. This could get worse before it gets better...and if worse becomes impossible, or at too high a cost to you and your children, PLEASE change course, before you end up hospitalized with a back injury or with estranged children. Don't leave her fully in charge; she does not have the capacity to choose wisely.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/time-for-assisted-living-139755.htm