To report or not to report....... Dealing with Home Care Agency. Suggestions?

Based just on what you have told us, I’d suggest that you may also be worrying a bit too much. Perhaps your mother’s traits are there a bit for you too.

The ‘taking liberties’ is one of them. If two were there at the same time as the hair coloring exercise, did your mother watch and enjoy it? Did she object, or did she say go ahead? Did she object to the use of her washing machine? Or did she agree because the carer was time poor and found the length of her home cycle difficult (or perhaps sitting waiting in a laundromat)?

It’s possible that this is upsetting you, and your mother is then agreeing with YOU, after first agreeing with THEM. This is a very stressful time for you (not easy for your mother either), and the best advice may be ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’.

I hope that other posters will give other reactions, this is just something to consider.

Have you considered simply talking to them? I would first try just talking to them like human beings.

Something like, “Ladies I so appreciate all you do. You are my eyes and look after her when I can’t, and I just wanted you to know that she trusts you, and you all get along really well together. But she’s old, and very proper. I am sorry to say that it does bother her and me when certain liberties are happening, like your own laundry or using our bathroom to shower yourself. I understand how busy you must be, but we just don’t want your own personal business to be done at the house when you’re looking after Mom. I’m sure you understand…”

Trust me. You get more with honey.

That being said, I don’t think it’s completely unreasonable that they do this if they are live-in care, as in, they are there looking after your mom for 12 hours straight. It’s hard to live a life if you’re tied to someone else’s house if you’re there straight 12 hours. That being said, it would have been much more polite if they had just ASKED first.

Still, if you overall like them, I’d try to rectify the situation first while make as few waves as possible.

I really am glad I found this forum, so much good information and resources.

I have many years of homecare experience and my advice to you would be to talk to the caregivers directly and not the agency. If they're over-stepping themselves in your mother's house to the point where it's real disrespect and your mom's need aren't being met, then speak to the agency about it. They will not send better to you though because they don't have better. Agency-employed caregivers usually get minimum wage or just above for their service, and most of them will hire anyone. If these caregivers are doing an adequate job, not ripping your mother off, and are not neglecting her care needs or home, then really you can't expect better for what they're getting paid.
If you want quality, top-shelf caregivers like myself, with a good work ethic who treats this kind of work as a profession, hire and pay privately. I wouldn't even get out of bed for what a homecare agency offers for employment. You will always get better people. I worked as agency help for a long time and I can tell you that for every one home caregiver like me at an agency, there are probably a thousand who you wouldn't even want in your house. Then I went on my own. Private cases only. My pay increased by more than double. All I did was charge what a care agency charges. Only I'm the one making the money.
Care agencies couldn't care less about whether or not a client is getting quality service. They only concern themselves with putting a worker in a house and collecting the money. You will get nowhere with complaining.
I strongly recommend you use a caregiver website and interview potential hires for your mom. Or keep the agency ones if they're decent and get on well enough with your mother. You can't expect more than that from agency help. When hiring privately, you check out their references yourself and negotiate the pay with the caregivers directly. No middle- man involved and taking a cut for doing nothing. You can hire as many as you need to do round-the-clock for your mom and they will be the same people every time. Not a different face every other day.
Truly this is the only way to go if you want quality care and peace of mind. Good luck.

Caregiver should not be taking showers in your mother’s bathroom or washing her own clothes in your mother’s washing machine!!! Look for someone else. I wouldn’t trust that person to be in her home. Keep looking till you find a trustworthy caregiver who respects your mother. You should have care plan with list of duties to be done & washing her own clothes & taking showers isn’t on the list. Caregiver needs to help your mother in shower & wash your mother’s clothes…& iron if necessary. Don’t wait & procrastinate with this.
Hugs 🤗

Boy oh boy. I would never put up with this and your mother feels they are disrespecting her. I would call the agency in a heart beat if I were you. I have a wonderful agency for about 1 1/2 for my mother . The RN is great. I was with another that was not so good. The aide was to care for my mom for two hours, but she was always on the phone. She was to do some laundry, cook a light meal, change the sheets and bath my mom. I did confront her and she got defensive so I called the agency. We did not stay with them for long after that. Do what is beneficial for your mother. She gets too anxious with these caregivers.

I think you need to speak up telling them that they are there to care for Mom. Part of that care is interacting with her. Keeping her busy. You also need to tell them that washing their clothes is not allowed. By doing it, they are using Moms detergent and water that she pays for in her rent. You can fib a little and say any water used over above what is considered normal usage Mom is charged for. They are also putting wear and tear on the washer. (Tell them if they continue to wash their clothes there, you will charge them accordingly. I am kind of kidding here.😊)

It surprises me when people talk about in home caregivers the things they feel they are entitled to do. I know they don't get paid great money but that doesn't mean you steal from your client. And it is stealing when you wash your clothes at a clients home. When you sit on your phone and your attention is not directed at the patient. What happened with asking permission.

Showering in my home! Don't think so. Just thinking about it I cringe.

AH, so there if your answer: Due to the stress and challenges for YOU which shouldn't be happening to begin with as far as scheduling you need to work with another agency. Thank you for your service, but you are just not a good fit for our needs at this time.
What they are doing (Showering? Laundry?? ) is outrageous. BEYOND outrageous. ANd unprofessional. In many if not most states these aides or certified often, and then our kept track of via in our case, the state nursing board.. People just aren't raised the same and too often lack good old integrity or common sense.
And so don't want to frighten you...but if you haven't read my posts before, I'm the posterchild of what can happen if you care and stress too much. About a year ago the crisis happened, and needless to say, no one was really able to look after mom or dad when it happened though we are blessed with good neighbors and a few friends...One Sunday, about to run errands I just didn't suddenly feel good. Felt like I just needed to lie down for a bit. I had knealt down on the floor to give my pup who was on our bed a kiss, and suddenly had no strength to pull myself up. I fear medical types and systems...but I felt so awful I beckoned a friend to come help so my pup could get out, and then we called 911. They carried me out and in the squad on the way to the hospital I just couldn't stop complaining about how my back was killing me...I don't remember a lot of the details, but there was a blast of wind and the warmth of the sun...as I was being wheeled out and onto the life flight helicopter to the main campus of the Cleveland CLinic for emergency surgery due to a dissected aorta. A contributing factor is high blood pressure. As much as we love our families, we cannot let ourselves die for them. ANd besides, what good are we dead? Don't kid yourself...it really can happen....Get a BP cuff and keep watch...take good care. These truly are some of the worst caregivers ever. It's terrible for all of us...but consider as well the next older person without a nearby daughter who will be exploited if you don't report it...wishing you peace and luck...and good health...as Judge Caprio says ....Your health is your wealth....

If I had a decent caregiver putting in a 10-12 shift I wouldn't have an issue with them doing a load of laundry in their downtime as long as they brought their own detergent and cleared it with me first. Taking a shower in my home, I would not be ok with. I would also expect them to have their phone put away except for short break times. This seems to be the standard for low paid agency caregivers.

As a live in carer I feel this is not fair not to except the carer not to do her laundry at the clients home or have a shower. If we look at the situation fairly the caring for the family member is not anyone else’s responsibility it’s in fact the children’s responsibility therefore someone else the carer is actually taking the responsibility. Is that right that someone else has to take the children’s responsibility. And as it is carers are being paid a very small salary

My mom has home care and had an excellent caregiver that we hired privately. Unfortunately, we found out the hard way that her long term care insurance only covers caregivers that are from an agency.

I would start with a conversation about things you've noticed and what is acceptable.Coloring ones hair,washing their clothes,and taking showers unless the clothing was soiled due to tending to your mom.

All those are unacceptable.They are at work not at home.All agencies have a person who oversees the CNA, so if your conversation falls on deaf ears then you need to speak with a supervisor.

Good luck to you and your mom.

I've read all the comments, but not knowing all the details about the quality of care, finding suitable replacements if necessary, etc., the expression "pick your battles" comes to mind. This is something jeanmarie12 will need to think through and then make a decision as to whether it's worth taking issue with the caregivers.

I cringed when I read your story. Why are caregivers overlapping their shifts, that they have time to color each other's hair? They are supposed to be focused on your mom, not on each other. Your house is not a salon.
How are they taking care of your mom when they are showering? What if your mom falls? They would need a few minutes to dry off and get changed. Meanwhile mom is on the floor. Unacceptable! Your not running a hotel or hostel.
How are they taking care of your mom when they are folding their laundry? They aren't.
I would skip the agency. Are these college aged kids? It is your home. You are going to have to tell them that the laundry, shower taking, shampooing, coloring hair, hanging out on the phone will stop. Do it on their own time. They must not have enuff to do. That is not what you are paying them for. Your/moms house is not a college dorm.
It would be one thing if they asked and there was a reason for it. Or it was a 1 off. Or they are a beloved caregiver, and you agreed.
If this isn't nipped in the bud, it will lead to more things happening. What happens if they decide to chat with their friend's on the phone for an hour? Bring a boyfriend over and have movie night. Etc. Nip it in the bud or they will take a mile. Actually they already are.
Tell them since you have so much free time on your hands to do your laundry, I need the floor mopped, dusting, strip mom's bedding, clean bathroom. Empty trash etc. Now they will cook a few meals.
Since the agency won't discipline, you will have to set the tone.
Where else can they get paid to work and do hair and laundry? Nowhere.
Since it is your/mom's home you set the rules/tone. You don't have to be mean about it. Just matter of fact.
Say; its come to my attention you 2 girls are doing each other's hair. I'm not paying you for that. The showers and laundry will stop as well. I pay for water and electricity.
Who would like to pay the extra? I can show you the bill. O_o
Then say I want my mom's bed stripped and washed, bathroom towels, mat washed weekly. Kitchen towels washed and mom's clothes. Floor mopped. Have a weekly check list.
I might let the caregiver do 1 load of laundry if she got the other things washed weekly as a perk, and she had no laundry facilities, but the other things no. She would have to be exceptional. This is a job she is being paid for.
I would never think to do that. I think it is disrespectful. If she worked at a hotel she doesn't get a free room to sleep in the bed, and shower in the rooms. It is a job.
It doesn't mean you can't be nice, just matter of fact. Tell them you have cameras set up. They don't know that you dont. That will straighten them up.
You are their boss, not the other way round. If they are going to do anything like that ask first. This is a house not a hostel.
If you don't get a backbone, they will cont to do what they want. Good luck.

IMHO those caregivers are not ok, your mom is a distraction while they do their own thing, we hired 24:7 cg for my dad and went thru several b4 finding ones that really did a great job. I had to check in frequently (my dad had AZ) but we held them accountable. The fact your mom feels disrespected says a lot. It’s possible the next cg could be worse, but he/she might also be a more compassionate, thoughtful individual you’re seeking! Won’t know if you settle for poor cg instead. Good luck, it’s not easy & changes are tough on our LO, but they sense sincerity- and so do you.

OK.... I am one of those "caregivers" and have been doing this for almost 30 years, mainly taking care of the elderly in their homes. I have found that when I report these awful caregivers to the agency, these agencies do NOT want to hear it. Probably, because I am a CAREGIVER. IOW, they don't like caregivers ratting on other caregivers simply because (sometimes) a caregiver will find a place where they can do pretty much what they want with no one around to watch them! So, what they do, they will tell lies to get the others fired so they can then be there. Also, caregivers will sometimes be in "cahoots" with each other. I would STRONGLY... VERY STRONGLY ask that you PLEASE put cameras in there. I had one caregiver who was NOT doing what she was supposed to be doing and yelling at me all the time and also abusing the client, most likely. She yelling at me, you can bet she was doing the same with client. Cameras were in the house all over the place and I was wondering then why nothing was changing and the POA was allowing this behavior to go on? Found out the cameras were all fake! I quit. Good caregivers will more than likely NOT put up with this junk.

What you report and if you report is dependent on what you are willing to put up with. Are caregivers abusive? Of course, you should report this. My concern with CG washing her own clothes over there without your permission --- the more she gets away with stuff the more she is liable to do. Of course, you can talk to her if you wish to....or not. But... you say that you have 24/7 CG there. When a CG lives with the client, which means, they are there for the minimum of 24 hours straight, (they spend the night there and of course, sleep) they are allowed to wash their clothes and take showers there. When it is NOT 24 hour shifts, then they are NOT to do those things. FYI... it is cheaper for you mom/you to have live-in Caregivers. The agencies charge per 24 hour rather than by the hour. If you wish to get rid of the agency, you can, of course and you can then decide what all the CGs do, what their shifts will be and you can come to an agreement on what their pay will be. Going through some other service such as this may be cheaper? I don't know. Normally is. I have only been on the CG side of this. Agencies usually charge around $25/hour for CGs. For a live-in, per 24 hour shift, it used to be $250 per day. Don't really know what it is now. You can check! For 24 hour live-in it goes like this at my present agency--16 hours on with 8 hours for sleep. If we are awakened during the night for any reason, we document it and we get paid for that time we are up. And PLEASE.... if you do try going through ...or whatever, do NOT pay them "under the table". This is NOT good for you, either. You might try word of mouth... any one at church know of some CGs? Some of the best CG's I know only get hired by word of mouth.

Talk to the agency manager if you have issues with employees; if they are not doing a satisfactory job, this needs to come to their attention. If the manager does not care, it is time to go to another company and I would leave a review for the Better Business Bureau to alert others of horrible service.

I would be hesitant about hiring independent caregivers because you don't know who is coming into the house and may rob the place, or claim to slip and fall and try to sue the estate. At least with an agency they are presumably screened and is insured, so they cannot sue your estate and file for workman's compensation. Hiring independent caregivers can also lead to horrible paperwork--after a certain amount you become their employer and must file their taxes...

"If you pay cash wages of $2,300 or more for 2021 (this threshold can change from year to year) to any one household employee, you generally must withhold 6.2% of social security and 1.45% of Medicare taxes (for a total of 7.65%) from all cash wages you pay to that employee, unless you prefer to pay your employee's share of social security and Medicare taxes from your own funds."

https://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc756

IF you go that route you can go to a tax specialist and set up a "corporation" tax which will give you more tax breaks. Do NOT try this on your own it is too complicated. See a tax lawyer.

I was a caregiver for my grandparents. Before they moved into my home, they had private caregivers go to their home 7 days a week for 8hrs per day. My dad pre warned me that finding a good caregiver is HARD! We found out that their main/longest tenured caregiver was stealing… would take them to Costco and spend hundreds every week. My dad didn’t fire her or tell the agency because he thought having her there was more important. At the time, I couldn’t understand.
when they moved in with me, I was able to be a little more involved. However, I found myself letting things go because I realized that familiarity and consistency is vital. Good caregivers that care are hard to come by. As others have said, you sorta have to pick your battles. I will say though, they won’t get fired. Many caregivers are paid minimum wage and the highs cost we pay is generally used towards liability insurance.
There is no right or wrong answer, but if I learned anything it’s communication is always key.

excuse me, they are doing their OWN personal business at the expense of your mothers paycheck to them........they should be doing their own hair dying at their house, their own laundry at their house.......almost makes me wonder what else are they doing while caring for your mother. I doubt if that is in their duties as described by their agency. I would say something to the agency and let them know this is not acceptable (and hope they don't get mad).....they might just be seeing how far they can go. How do you know they are not doing other stuff while your mother is sleeping, is any stuff missing. I know we hate to think like that of people, but they are taking advantage of your mother by doing their "own thing". I understand it might be boring sometimes but they shouldn't be doing their own personal stuff at your mom's. wishing you luck.

Everything you wrote says your Mom and you aren't happy with the current situation. Change it. Install wifi cameras where you can monitor activity from your home or cellphone. They are inexpensive and easy to install. Any caretaker worth their salt will not be bothered by them. If Mom can afford private care, do the research and find one - they are far superior to agencies. In NYC, Agencies take their cut and pay their workers $12-16 an hour. You can pay $20 for private, save money and get better care. That said, private pay adds up quickly and can easily drain your resources. You don't say if your Mom is on Medicaid. I dealt with both Medicaid and Private and I can say, you have to go to several Medicaid aides before you find the right one but they do exist so don't be afraid to complain and state what your requirements are. Never settle for anyone who your Mom is uncomfortable with. Best of luck to you.

You have 2 caregivers over there at the same time? I have NEVER had that except when relieving each other... change of shifts... giving report and one CG was NOT doing anything for this one client. She had told me that another CG was NOT changing him on her shift, a 16 hour shift. That was a lie. When I came on, this CG was the one NOT changing him. Bed was soaked, when taking off depend, caked feces. I started coming 20 minutes early ( no pay) just to have her "help me" change him and clean him up. She refused. She would not even get the water. She would NOT touch him. She refused to help.. ON Her shift-- me cleaning him, yeah.. on her shift. He needed suctioning of spit. She did not know how to turn the machine on so she was allowing our client to literally drown in his own saliva for hours at a time! I reported this to daughter who was POA. She did nothing. I quit... again. Won't work with that CG ever again. So, get rid of those girls! Please.. do NOT put up with this stuff. This is NOT caregiving. They are abusing your mom and you!

Can you talk to the owner of this agency? If that does not work, these agencies are usually a franchise and they have some main office they have to report to. I worked for Comfort Keepers. Terrible RN there. She knew nothing about home health, hired right from school and she did not care to learn. Terrible attitude. Did not check on clients/patients. I tried reporting her to owner but ended up having to report to the main office. The woman I talked to acted genuinely concerned and was not long after, this RN was no longer employed there. Franchises do have bosses.. offices that they report to. Please, if this is a franchise, report them to their main office.

Again, these girls you have there with your mother are NOT caregivers. Get rid of them because if you do find at least one great CG... she will most likely get tired of these others and leave and you don't want that. It normally takes awhile to get those that are the right fit.

Also please remember.... CG are NOT housekeepers. They are NOT there to clean your whole house. That is what housekeepers/housecleaners do. They make a ton more money that CGs do but I would rather much wipe someone's butt than clean house any day. PLease.. do NOT expect your CG's to clean that whole house of your moms on top of everything else. We do light housekeeping which means this... any thing we do for your mom... give her a bath, we clean up AFTER ourselves. Prepare a meal for your mom? We clean up after that. And yes, that does involve sweeping the kitchen floor and mopping it. Same with the bathroom that SHE uses, but we don't vacuum and/or dust the whole house. We vacuum, dust just the places ----where she is at and what she uses. Just the areas that are used in the care of your mom. We don't clean the kid's bathrooms, their rooms, We don't clean windows, mow lawns, pull weeds, strip kids' beds and do their laundry, make cupcakes for kids school parties (which I have done..lol) We don't go up and down ladders. I had a lady who said that I am to do what her husband was doing and can no longer do. She kept telling me to mow the 1 acre and pull the weeds. When I told my agency what she said, she said she never said that! I have had people make their loved one use all 3 bathrooms in the house so I had to clean them. Make them walk by their usual bathroom to the bathroom on the other side of the house! So...abuse goes both ways.

Please.. report these girls. They know better. I see this stuff going on all the time any more. They do it because they get away with it most likely. You are NOT helping them or teaching them consequences when you allow this to go on. Evidently mommy did not teach them so someone has to or it will continue. Thanks...

You have to report all of this.
I know it might feel uncomfortable, but they can’t address what they don’t know.
I had 24:7 live in care that robbed.
I didn’t pay the last $7,000.00 bill.
I sent in the police report with the bill and never heard from them again.
They are at WORK.
Don’t normalize this behavior and you’re not the “bad guy.”
They are.

Seems like a lot of caregivers if you go to 4 hour shifts. 6 people in one day? Am I misunderstanding?

I had 24/7 care for my dad. I was still there (at his house) 6 out of 7 days a week. We had 3 caregivers. 1 was excellent, 1 was good, and 1 was acceptable. So hard to match personalities.

I don't know how many agency choices you have in your area, but I had a lot of support from the agency I chose. The owner was involved, the case manager came to help one girl prepare meals, weekly check in calls to me from the company.

If you go private, you'll have to pay the taxes, do the scheduling, the background checks, verify licensing, etc.

Report immediately. That's ridiculous and I would hope in violation of your agency's rules. Coloring each other's hair?! I am a home caregiver and no way, no how. That shows zero standard of care.

I had a care giver service for my mom through an agency. Went through 4 different providers in several months. One would sit at the table on her cell phone most of the day, a younger person. We had another person would do the laundry and toss it on the bed for my mom to fold and put away herself. "Fired". We had another one who made excuses every other day for not showing up and they had to clock in and out. The pandemic forced me to become a care giver for my 98 year young mother who is still able to get around by herself, cook when she really wants to and go outside on the deck to relax. Needing a care giver in paramount however because I know her limitations. I'm going through a private service and a government agency since I've been doing this by myself for over a year. I interview each potential care giver like I'd do a job interview. I avoid those care givers who ask questions about my parents finances, bank accounts or insurance!! I reject anyone who provides a list of things that they won't or don't do for the amount of money they are paid. And finally I've set of baby cams for when I can not be there. Unfortunately some of the inexpensive services are just home makers, or unskilled workers who are there to clean and keep our senior patient company. Emphasis If I have a person that my mom complaints about one time I am going to pay special attention. If my mom complaints twice she's fired. If my family feels disrespected or that someone is taking advantage or them I'm going to make it personal. It's difficult to be a care giver but it's even more difficult to think about leaving your loved one to the care of someone who does not care. The right person is out there so jut let the right person in. And on that point, coloring your hair while you should be working, doing your laundry using our power, detergent, water. etc. That's a lot of nerve. I'd fire her immediately....AGAIN, The right person is out there and they are looking for the work.

If you don't report violations or serious problems then you leave them to someone else who might not be as observant and our loved ones become the victim. The agencies have rules and regulations. If someone is doing their hair, doing their laundry how in the heck are they tending to the needs of the person they are supposed to be providing services for? I noted earlier I went through four different care givers in a couple of months and finally found a mature care giver who was perfect for my mom. Unfortunately you had a family emergency ever other day so I ended up doing what she was being paid for. By all means report the infractions and the violations so that someone else does not become her/their victim. Today is small stuff. what else are they doing when they can't be observed and how are they giving your loved one the care they need,

You need to tell the Caregivers that you will not allow them to take advantage any further. Why let people like this in your home?Give an inch and they will take a mile. Alot of great, HONEST caregivers out there. Dont settle for less.

Do you really need two of them at her home at the same time? If not, have them take turns coming or just keep one. As far as doing their laundry, hide the detergent and if they want to do their laundry they have to bring their own, and tell them that you would appreciate them asking before they use her washer/dryer EVERY time and to not assume that they are allowed to just use or take whatever they want when they are at her house. That would help with her feeling disrespected. We once hired a company to come in for 24 hours. The first woman they sent only had 15% of her hearing and gave my mom the wrong topical medication, which caused burns on her tush. When her shift was over they brought in a young woman who spent most of her time on the back porch smoking, and fell asleep on the couch. My mom could barely walk and she told me that she kept yelling for the caretaker and finally came out to find her asleep on the couch. She took my mom's crystal salt shaker outside to pour salt over snails, and she broke the salt shaker. I told the company that if she was so cruel to spend hours outside smoking and killing snails, I didn't want her here. I refused to pay for their "services" and now I live with my mom and take care of her, with my BFF sitting for me when I have to go somewhere. I'm lucky that my friend will do this for me, and I pay her $11.00 an hour, which she appreciates.

I wonder if you have communicated your concerns directly with the caregiver. “I do not mind that you wash your own clothes at my mother’s house, but I do not want you taking a shower here. It is inappropriate.” Or “I am shocked that you are coloring someone’s hair while you are caring for my mother. That is unacceptable.”
Instead of reporting their supervisor, you become the supervisor.

I would first discuss the issues with the caregivers.
Is your mom able to participate in the conversation? If so she should also have a say. If not this can be done in a meeting between you and the caregivers.
Do you /does your mom need 2 people to assist her constantly? If not then 1 person at a time. If the time of day dictates when mom needs more help then one can do a split shift and the two can alternate who does what hours. I doubt that 2 people are needed overnight.
IF the discussion, meeting falls on deaf ears then asking the agency for replacement caregivers would not be out of line. If you explain the situation they may ask that you keep the ones you have after they have a "in-service" about policy, boundaries and other agency policy.
And I also would be appalled at a caregiver doing her laundry in my machine, dying another persons hair as well as showering. (Unless she has worked overnight and will continue to work more that day)

Cutting back hours would be good if your mom can handle it. It would also be a way for her to assume more independence on a gradual basis if that is the goal.