In my case, when I was going through my demented mother's things prepping for her AL move and the sale of her house, I found out my mother has been the mistress of a married man for over 20 years!!! I am divorced because my ex husband cheated and all those nights of me bending mom's ear and her being so sympathetic, just to find out she was doing the exact same thing! Devastating and what a conflict of emotions!
Feeling such sorrow for my mother because of her diagnosis and such anger and disgust at the same time. Ugh....
Anyone else find out negative stuff about your loved one you were unaware of? Just wondering how common this is. Please share here. Thanks and peace to us all. :)
Neverland, I'm sorry that it was a particularly sore spot that got poked with you; but in general - not this time - it amuses me when succeeding generations have allowed themselves to imagine that their elders never had illicit sex, never made foolish decisions or had private passions, were never young, were never infatuated, were never naïve, never did anything they might later regret or be embarrassed by or ashamed of… And, above all, that they treasure no secrets.
My siblings imagine that the only people who ever mattered to my mother are her children, and my late father. Well, now. I don't know who, but somebody gave my mother an extremely nice lipstick and powder compact for her 21st birthday, and to judge by the colour of the lipstick it sure as h*** wasn't a family member, not even allowing for 1940s' fashions. And she didn't meet my dad for another six years. And she's kept this present very safe.
Neverland, people fall in love, and not through choice, and often not wisely but too well. That's what happened to your mother. Logically, why should that mean she didn't care deeply about the hurt you suffered? She had a choice between a little judicious hypocrisy or confessing all. What would you have done in her shoes, if you wanted to comfort your beloved daughter?
I understand your conflict, of course this must have been a jolt for you. But don't judge her. You weren't there.
Today fortunately we have progressed to the point that people are not so ashamed of things they often had little or no control over. And a lot of people just don't care who knows what any more. I think it is better in many ways.
So please remember your mother's generation and upbringing when you think about the affair. She is probably more embarrassed and reluctant to discuss this situation than a younger person would be today.
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