OK I told said snake I'd be going to my house (400 miles distance) to spend the holiday with my very charming partner. I made this arrangement last Thursday. All of a sudden there is a appointment to go to oncologist this coming tuesday, and said snake can't miss it due to oncologist being too busy to mess with rescheduling, plus it's my mom and cancer...
She says she won't go if I go to my house then come back here in case I get exposed to covid. So, My charming partner and I have rescheduled until the wed next week, but it means I'll only spend 1/2 the time I otherwise would have at my house with my charming partner.
Any advice how to avoid similar situations in the future?
Thank You
You reinforce the manipulation every single time you buy it. Teach her that she needs to consider you or you may be gone. Right now she knows that she can do this and get away with it.
It is her health and if she doesn't care enough to get to the doctor without you then she doesn't care. What are you going to do if she does cancel the appointment at the last minute?
I would like to ask how important this appointment is. That is to say is this simply to discuss treatment options. Is this simply to discuss staging or have a check up? I can't honestly imagine why this appointment cannot be put off? Moreover I cannot imagine why you would have to ATTEND this appointment. Go on your way and see your partner; return to your Mother and let her tell you all about the appointment.
Cancer, and your Mom. Yes. I get that. I HAD cancer 34 years ago. You make appointments and you change appointments and you have checkups and you get scans and you take chemo treatments and on and on and on. Most of this you do on your own. I am uncertain why your child would go with you? In fact my daughter lived in Washington State and I in California when I had cancer.
So, basically, need a lot more information here about just how debilitated your Mother is. Why you are not living with your partner in your own home, but instead with your Mother, and why even a visit to your partner seems out of the question?
I spent my life as a nurse. I would caution you against making your mother so dependent upon you. That does her no favor, to tell the truth.
As to the covid? I am afraid I agree. Right now, whichever person you live with, your partner or your Mom, it is crucial to sit tight and not be running back and forth until vaccines are available. January is likely going to be a nightmare for our country. Our hospitals are already overwhelmed. By Jan 10th to 15th we are going to see a tremendous surge in cases. If your mother is already dealing with cancer, esp if there are chemo treatment which supress the immune system, you need not to be going somewhere --ANYWHERE--and returning to your mother.
I even Ubered to chemotherapy, altho I had a friend or one of my daughters pick me up, just in case I was sick afterwards, which I never was.
You really do need to be mindful of your mom's health, since she IS immunosuppressed, but I've isolated from my kids and grands several times in the past year. Unless your mom LIVES with you, you can successfully take a break---get tested for covid when you return from a trip and wait to see what the test says. If it's negative, you've only 'wasted' 48 hrs.
I highly doubt the oncologist is that busy. I had to change appts several times and they were just glad I was being compliant. Sounds like mom has you pretty well trained....just sayin'.
Actually, I would call the Drs office and see if the appt can't be made after the New Year. I would also see when it was made.
I think she either made the appt to disrupt my schedule, or she doesn't care if she does, either way it really grinds my gears. I cannot let her skip the appointment and if anything happens OR she cancels herself she WILL blame it on me.
So instead of a nice 2 week holiday with my partner, I get 4 or 5 days now, and that's that.
HOW can I avoid this in the future?
Thank You again