I want to find a 55+ apartment where my folks can live together. We will then sell their home to allow is to pay for more years of 24 hour care. We intend to provide 24 hour care (CNAs) when/if they move. We know that MC and AL will only allow them to live together in MC...my Dad would be miserable. If they could have a spacious apartment, Dad could still have his privacy to play his computer games. The only places we know of want to separate them into two areas, which would make our private care unaffordable. There's a closed thread on here about this topic. I wanted so much to comment to the person who wants to write officials about this horrid shortcoming in care offerings for seniors! I so agree!!!!
Do your parents each have a PoA? If not, why not?
Who is going to be managing all the scheduling, payments, subbing, taxes for your Mom's care? ... your Dad...?
If you hire private aids it may be less expensive but more work in terms management. In my state (MN) you are considered an employer even if you only have 1 part-time privately hired aid -- and this means having to do withholding/reporting and submitting 2ws or 1099s, as well as making sure the liability insurance for their home/apartment supports all this activity (plus my state requires Worker's Comp). Just go into it with your eyes fully open.
I hope you can find the kind the right type of care for your parents!
We are their POAs.
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They would allow your mom to leave her memory care to visit and spend time with your dad daily in his assisted living if that is what he wants, and yet it would relieve your dad of the 24/7 care that your mom requires and they could just enjoy each others company as husband and wife.
Years ago when I was volunteering for hospice, I had a couple like your parents, except it was the husband who had dementia. He lived in the memory care of this facility while his wife lived in the assisted living part. And every afternoon, the aides would bring this man to visit with his wife and they would spend the afternoon together.
Plus of course the wife could just walk down the hall to enter the memory care unit anytime she wanted to visit her husband.
It was a win win for all involved, and not at all a "horrid shortcoming in care offerings" but instead allowed each partner to receive the care they required in their appropriate care settings, while still allowing them to enjoy spending time together as husband and wife.
So I would just say....don't knock it until you try it.
We hope to sell their home to continue to pay for 24 hour private care, but need a place that will allow them to stay together to do this (not in two units with double charges when all we need is the space and dining options). My Dad is not my Mom's caregiver, he just lives in their home. We've visited facilities. Roughly 1 to 10 care in MC...which means somebody is always waiting for care. We'd be better off paying independent apartment rent plus outside care, than 12k a month knowing the care is inadequate by our standards.
They will never qualify for Medicaid.
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Your mom is too far gone for a 55+ community. She likely needs 24/7 care
1600 Westbrook Avenue
Richmond, VA 23227
Maybe they’ll have what your parents need.
They separate because Mom needs more care than an AL is able to provide. Dad would not be happy in MC. In an AL, Dad would bevtotally responsible for Mom. Yes, he would get help with dressing and bathing. Changing Mom when needed. Bedding changed, clothes laundered, room keptvclean, 3 meals a day, but anything else is his responsibility. Aides don't sit with Mom so Dad can have his alone time.
Yes, it was quite a bit more money, but I could see it being a good dynamic for many couples.
Please let us know if you can find what you are looking for so we can add that organization to our toolbox.
Wishing you good luck in your quest.
Best of luck finding the best solution for your parents needs.