My sister (an atty) is my mothers DPOA and Trustee. She will not give me any information on my mother's finances. I am afraid she is not being ethical with her funds. My mom was declared incompetent in 2008. She has been placed in a Medicaid facility. What is she obligated to tell me? She says that I will have to take her to court and sue her to get any information. What recourse do I have? I can't afford an attorney.
Do you have any evidence that Sister is not acting in your mother's best interest? If mom is in a Medicaid facility she has only a very small personal allowance (~ $50 - $110/month) and assets valued at less than $2,000. What, exactly, do you think your sister might be doing with these small sums? Would she risk her license to cheat mom or cheat Medicaid?
If Mom has qualified for Medicaid, you can be assured there will be no funds to disperse upon her death.
I am sorry that there is apparently a conflict between you and your sister. That can be painful.
I remember having to pay all of my parent's bills from their checking account, but first make copies of said bills and copies of the checks prior to mailing out. Then filling those bills into a notebook. Everything had to be accounted for down to the last dime. Then if someone needs to throw in Medicaid, it can become crazy and mentally exhausting.
For Medicaid, your Mom had to use up savings accounts for her own personal care prior to Medicaid starting to help with the cost of her care. Medicaid checks back 5 years to see how she had used her money. So in reality, there is very little left in regard to Mom's assets. If Mom owned a house, your sister still would need to pay the mortgage, real estate tax, homeowner's insurance, utilities out of her very own pocket. Then Medicaid later will place a lien on the house so that Medicaid can be reimbursed for taxpayer funds that were used for your Mom's care.
Thus, what is it you expect to see with the financials? The funds are very limited, otherwise your Mom wouldn't have been able to be approved for Medicaid. Getting older and needed skilled help is very expensive. Did Mom have paid caregivers at her house? I remember back when my Dad was paying $20k per month, yes per month, for caregivers, believe me that ate away at his savings.
Were you helping your Mom with caregiving, or offering to do certain things to help make it easier for your sister to cope with being a dual power of attorney? More information would be helpful.
Enjoy your mom continue to dress and visit her if you so please, if you can find a way to let the resentment go when your mom is gone all you will have left is your sister. For many of us who have lost our sisters we would give anything to have the opportunity to restore the relationship and work toward healthy family dynamics. Your mom has had dementia for over 10 years the amount of money for her care If she’s been in a facility this whole time is astronomical, So unless your mom had a million dollars tidied away your sister is not sitting on any wealth. As was stated earlier as a lawyer she would not risk the weight of Medicaid coming after her. To answer your question yes when your mom dies you can look at all the paperwork you want to and thank your sister for taking the time to deal with her finances and get yourself a nice counselor to help you work through this petty bitterness, been there and it’s easy to recognize.
As to the various issues, you wrote that your sister manages your mother's 2 houses, collects "stocks, bonds, everything." Yet your mother is getting Medicaid assistance. Something about that doesn't make sense to me; Medicaid is a needs and income limitation based benefit.
I agree with Byathread. A directive such as "just answer the question" might be appropriate in a courtroom, but not here. Posters give their time willingly; they deserve respect, even if you disagree with someone.
If you buy your mother clothing, send your sister the receipts. That expense should be reimbursed from your mother's personal care allowance.
How do you know that sister bullied your mom? Is that what mom says? Does mom want to change her trust? Is mom a "pot stirrer"? Did you and your sister have a good relationship before mom became frail and in need of care?
If you suspect Medicaid fraud, report your sister to the appropriate authorities.
I have long since put her behind me, but I am concerned for my mothers finances. I see now that I WILL have to wait until I either win the lotto or have to wait until my mom passes, to find out where all that money went.
Also, if my mom is on Medicaid, does her ss $ go directly to the nursing facility?
It sounds like your mom's trust is irrevocable and signed more than 5 years prior to her Medicaid application and, if so, that would explain why she is eligible for Medicaid. Her houses may or may not be in the trust, but if your mom relies on the rental income, then they probably wouldn't have to be sold for her to be eligible for Medicaid.
One thing you could do is call Adult Protective Service (APS) to explain the situation -- APS has legal authority to investigate. And a possible partial legal solution for you to better advocate for your mom's care and to find out what's going on in your mom's trust is to become your mom's legal guardian. You said you can't afford an attorney, so you could call Legal Aid in your state to find out if you are eligible for free legal assistance and/or your mom's assets in her trust could be used to pay for a guardianship proceeding. Guardianship supersedes DPOA, so a trustee has to keep a guardian informed of trust assets and activities. The trust likely contains language saying that if guardianship is sought then the trustee will become the guardian, but in reality it will be the guardianship judge who determines who to appoint as guardian. Based on what you've said, it seems likely to me that a judge would appoint you as your mom's guardian, but the proceeding will be contentious, given that your sister is the trust attorney who put your mom in this situation. Good luck caviecooper8164.
Confidential would cover such things as: finances, legal arrangements and medical matters. All of the subjects that you yourself probably wouldn't be too keen on having shared around if it were your information.
You go and visit your mother. That is a kind and filial thing to do. Taking her presents of new clothing is also a nice thing to do. If you have concerns that her needs are not properly taken care of, raise them with the facility. If you have evidence that her funds are being misused, report that to APS in your mother's area.
The thing is. When you go on to ask if her being on Medicaid would mean that her income is diverted to the facility (yes, as I understand it, apart from a small allowance for personal items which your mother retains)... why do you ask? What's it to you? Do you think her social security benefits should be going somewhere else? Do you have concerns that her bills are going unpaid?
And then again. When you say things such as:
"My sister has hated everyone in the family, quite literally, from the day she born."
... It's impossible to avoid the very strong impression that the key fact is that you really, really hate your sister. Whether or not she deserves it, though... well, how are we to know?