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After mom had several hospitalizations last year, we had to make the difficult decision to put her in a skilled nursing facility in December. She has not been able to settle in. Mom has dementia that started to progress more rapidly this past year (along with other physical challenges requiring multiple hospitalizations). She also has a formally undiagnosed mental illness that strongly resembles Borderline Personality Disorder (including narcissistic tendencies). She is hardly able to do anything for herself anymore. The staff at the nursing center has to help her to the restroom and get her back into her bed. She falls frequently but has not broken any bones (more like she slips out of bed or the wheelchair and they find her on the floor). She has stopped eating...only a few bites when we coax her to eat. Today, dad tried to help her drink some water and she refused. Then she acted like she was drinking something although nothing was in her hand. She has been hallucinating and having long conversations with imaginary people in the room, and seeing people and animals that aren't there. We are so at a loss to understand what is happening...why she has declined (cognitively) so rapidly. And physically she is so weak without eating and hardly drinking. We don't know what to expect going forward. Is mom's demise imminent? She has no other physical issues that are fatal so we just don't know how this is going to play out. Have any of you out there been through this situation? This is so scary for my family - any advice is surely welcome.

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I would speak with her doctor and see if she needs testing for UTI, dehydration, etc. It could be progression of her dementia along with other health problems.
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AMINOR01 13 hours ago
Thank you. I will do that.
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Urine test for UTI and a basic blood panel to check for hypokalemia (low potassium) which caused my mom to have confusion and falling more than once. Then you can make an informed decision if it's time for hospice support or not.
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AMINOR01 13 hours ago
Thanks, I didn't think about the blood panel. I will ask for both of those tests.
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Sounds like it's time to bring hospice on board as your mom may be close to leaving this world for the next.
Not eating and drinking is very normal when one is close to death as the digestive system is the first to shut down, and can be quite painful if either food or drink is forced.
Also seeing and talking to others can be a sign that death is near, as your mom is now seeing people and pets that are waiting for her on the other side.
My late husband was having daily conversations with people that he was seeing(that weren't visible to my eye)about 2 weeks before he died.
People often wait too long before they bring hospice on board so I would suggest calling the hospice agency of your choice today, so they can come out and do an assessment, as I know you want your mom to be as comfortable and pain free as possible before she dies.
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AMINOR01 13 hours ago
I should clarify: She is not seeing people or pets that have passed. She is having conversations with friends that she knew but hasn't been in contact with over the past several years. But you are probably right about contacting Hospice. Thank you!
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U tube has some nice videos about how Dementia progresses. My favorite one is animated with a little yellow man who shows you around the brain. Dementia starts with shortterm memory loss. They lose the ability to reason and feel empathy. Dementia starts effecting each part of the brain. When it gets to the part that control the heart and lungs, you pass.

I agree, get a Hospice evaluation. Her body maybe shutting down. Anxiety is a sign too. Meds can be given to calm her down.
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AMINOR01 13 hours ago
Thank you! I will look for the Youtube video. I feel very uninformed and I want to understand what is happening to mom.
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I agree with AMZebbC that if she isn't drinking, the dehydration can be a factor. Facilities cannot force food or water on residents.

If your Mom has progressing dementia and memory impairment, her prior mental health history may not be much in play anymore -- and even if it is, it may not matter what the source of the behaviors is. My MIL suffered from stress-relation (and debilitating) migraines since I knew her. Once she developed memory impairment, they stopped. If you can't remember why you have stress then... nothing to create a migraine. The same can be true for NPD: a person "forgets' who they were before or forgets the drivers of their personality issues.

At the end of the day, there would be no way to separate dementia from NPD symptoms/actions. If she stops drinking altogether, she won't last long. Maybe if testing doesn't confirm any causes, she should be assessed for hospice.

Yes, this is a very distressing and disturbing situation for everyone and I'm so sorry you have to experience it. May you receive peace in your hearts as you make decisions on her behalf.
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AMINOR01 13 hours ago
Thank you for sharing your story and your kind words. I agree we should do tests to rule out anything else and then contact hospice.
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It is most certainly scary and I am sorry that you are experiencing this decline of your mother. I would suggest a hospice evaluation. Not only for your mothers comfort but for every family member as well. Hospice will guide you through the numerous scary steps of dementia and medical declines and you can utilize the support grief programs they have.

In addition to testing for an UTI. Dehydration creates confusion and progression of cognitive decline. She may be severe dehydration as well.
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AMINOR01 13 hours ago
Thank you. Yes I am worried about dehydration as well. My sister is medical POA. I am going to have her request the tests others have suggested and then look into hospice.
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Has she been tested for a UTI?

They occur very often in elderly women and not just due to hygiene issues. I would start with testing this first.

https://www.agingcare.com/topics/169/urinary-tract-infection-uti
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AMINOR01 13 hours ago
Thank you! I will request that they test her right away.
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