I needed some advice. My mother is aging and she for the most part still has her wits about her. She lives alone and her daily needs like getting dressed taking her medicine making appointments driving to the store. My brother lives out of town and visits twice a year. My cousin basically looks after my mom. Certain things like going to the bank she uses his help. And I live near my mom. I help her as much as I can. The problem is my mother doesn't like anybody knowing that she has some issues. she will not be honest with the doctor. Says another doctor told her she should do this. And does the same thing to the other doctor. She also says my brother says stuff and my cousin that they did not say. When it's really all her opinions. Basically she's playing doctor. She asked me to come in the room with her at her doctor's appointment so I did. She told me to shut my mouth and not to say a word. I don't like to aggravate my mother so against my better judgment that's exactly what I did. When asked all the questions about Dementia or Alzheimer's she denied them when she had almost all of them. She got dizzy and it scared her and that's why she made the appointment. So basically she falls and doesn't tell anyone she totaled her car and caused quite an accident went on for different loans wiped out mailboxes and a metal Pole. She finally stopped after she hit a van. This is what they said they saw the witnesses. She was headed for a main road but stopped. She didn't anybody to know the actual story so she told them whatever she wanted to. And said the doctor said she can continue driving. I can't imagine this being true. She's a nervous driver to begin with. She's more worried about what people think then what's really going on. She also has a very bad cough and very thick white sputum that she's had for quite a while. She's sleeping a lot. She didn't tell the doctor. She hurt her shoulder falling and then changed the story that her friend hurt her shoulder when she was putting her coat on. And she wears her purse on the shoulder so that's why. The doctor doesn't know about these things. Is incontinent. Miss places stuff like Keys lost her teeth. Refuses to give me a key to the house in case of an emergency. But my brother and my cousin have a key but they are not around. She has locked herself out my daughter had to break in through a window to get in. Of course nobody knows about this. She constantly screams at me and give me this face to kill if I want her to tell the doctor the truth. I she has had a stroke 40 years ago and being dizzy now might have something to do with that but didn't want to have any of the exercises when someone has vertigo with the crystals getting knocked loose and so on and so forth. She said one doctor told him not to do that so this doctor that's new that doesn't know her said okay. My mother suggested that it was maybe her blood pressure pill causing dizziness and then that's what my cousin told her and the other doctor. Which is not true because I was there she didn't call anyone. So the new doctor is going to believe her because after all if her memory wasn't good her daughter would say something she's right there but I couldn't. The doctor seemed to notice the stuttering and other symptoms that would show Dementia or Alzheimer's but nothing was done. Her blood pressure pill with cut in half and she was to let them know if she still ever got dizzy. She had a prescription for 15 pills and got dizzy a total of four times and has another appointment. When she was dizzy and scared she asked me to sleep over which is never allowed. But since she needed me I was invited for the week. And I saw some things that a doctor should know about and my brother and my cousin. especially the doctor. Because I do not agree with her but I still comply. It causes her to scream at me. And I tell her if you're going to treat me like that I'm going home. I left twice. My family says she's fine. and my mother said it's me
Call the doctor and tell him what is going on with mom. Follow up with a brief letter(bullet points of what you know to be true) and mail it return receipt requested. This gets it into moms official record.
The doctor can't discuss mom with YOU but he can discuss mom's issues with mom.
You need to stop fearing your mother's anger. You are doing the right thing for her.
I believe she knew she was having memory trouble but she and her husband were afraid of what that might mean for her future- so they hid it. In the letter, we asked the doctor to address it with them and look for any physical reasons for her confusion. We also asked that she be referred to a Memory Care specialist for follow up.
At the memory care specialist, both the patient and her husband were more forthcoming about her struggles as they had hope that there might be a physical cause that could be treated. (UTI, medication interactions, kidney troubles...ect.)
The doctor can't talk to us unless given permission by the patient, but there is no law that stops you from talking to the doctor.
Hospital was ready to discharge her after two days. Luckily I had copies of the letters sent to Mom’s primary with me. They helped explain the changes I’d seen in Mom - pretty significant ones. The neurologist took the time to look at them in the hallway one day and went in to tell her she wouldn’t be driving until an eval was performed and that she’d stay an extra day or so in the hospital for psych and psychological testing. Had I not had these concise letters describing her changes (with me at the hospital), I am sure she would not have been tested in the hospital, where she was diagnosed with mild neurocognitive disorder.
Type detailed letter, keep a copy for yourself and mail certified return receipt to doc.
Good luck to you!!