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I will have to make a long story short. My 87-year-old mom moved in with us because she was very sick and needed care. She hasn't been able to move her belongings out of her apartment and my 61-year-old sister is harassing her by phone and text wanting money to wash her clothes or to come pick her up or asking us to bring her back to the apartment so she can wash her clothes. What can I do to keep her from harassing mom? Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks.

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Block her number? How pathetic is it that a 61 year old woman can't afford to wash her own clothing and is relying on her sick and elderly 87 year old mother? Unreal.
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To you, what would feel like a solution to this?

Your sister has some weird personality issues that you aren't going to fix at 61 years old. I'm hoping you've at least once explained to her that this behavior is inappropriate at the very least and that she needs to stop.

If you haven't done at least this, then please do it but also warn her what will happen if she persists (you'll block her). But don't make a threat you aren't willing and able to carry out.

I agree that you should block her at that point.
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Tell sister to bag up the laundry and you will collect it.
Then you do the laundry at your house.

Would that work, do you think?

I am afraid your making a long story short has made it a teensy bit too short, as I don't quite get where sister and mother and all the soiled clothing come together here.
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olddude Jan 20, 2024
The sister can do her own damn laundry. She's not a 5-year old.
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One can only assume that your mom has taken care of things for sister that should have been stopped long ago if we are understanding your post correctly.

Is your sister an invalid, incapacitated in some way that she is vulnerable and needs assistance? If that is the case perhaps call Adult Protective Services to ask someone check on her. Is she bipolar?

Does mom need to keep from upsetting sister until she can get her things moved for fear of sister’s tantrum or worse? Is that why she is still communicating with sister?

Was mom sharing expenses with sister and owes sister money? It is hard to offer helpful suggestions not knowing the circumstances. If mom had long been bullied by sister she may find it difficult to say no to her. I would not want sister calling and upsetting mom or my household. If mom intends to no longer live with sister she needs to arrange to have her things moved soon and pay sister whatever she owes her, if indeed she owes her anything. Is the apartment in mom’s name and sister needs to be evicted?

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope mom is better soon.
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More info needed.

I assume Mom and sister lived together. Did they share expenses? If so, maybe Sis needs Mom to pay her part of the expenses. Its really not fair to cut her off. If Mom is living with u permanently, and Sis can't afford the apt she is going to need to find one she can afford. If both Sis and Mom are on the lease, unless its a 30day lease, Mom owes her share till the lease is done.

If Sis has a mental disorder or is challenged in some way, again u can't leave her high and dry. Is giving her money to wash her clothes all that big a deal? The apts where I live now use a card that you pay ahead and it goes to the card. If that is what Sis uses then u can put money on the card knowing thats all it can be used for.

Tell Sis to call you if she needs anything. That Mom is ill and her calling her and texting is causing her anxiety. She needs to heal.
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I should have made things a little clearer. Mom lived by herself in a hud apartment and payed her own bills and my sister is married and lived with her husband in a camper trailer with a built on room. She started talking to a scammer on Facebook and then comes to mom's and starts staying there day and night and asks the management if she could stay with mom to take care of her. I was in disagreement with this because she was only there to text and phone this scammer not to care for mom. She sold the built on room with some of her appliances and furniture inside. She sent the scammer 18k and had her husband to borrow 2 thousand to send to him as well. While staying at moms she calls mom every name in the book, puts her down ike a dirty dog, and tells her how she wishes she was dead. And if mom doesn't agree with something she wants she throws a tantrum. Mom has given her 900 hundred dollars in money and tons of food. But sister thinks she deserves and is entitled to everything. Mind you the office management doesn't have a clue of the all of this. Mom was too afraid to tell them afraid she would retaliate. She didn't want me to tell them either. So I really didn't know what to do. I was really afraid for mom being there with her. Mom called me crying and wanted us to come pick her up one night she was very sick with shingles. We brought her home and the next day she was in so much pain, I took her to the hospital her blood count was so low they gave her 3 units of blood. She is doing better now but still is having difficulty getting up and walking. Sister has been calling texting for three weeks now. I was trying to give her time to stop. But she just want stop. I have not said anything to her nor have I blocked her. But we have had enough.The apartment manager will not let go in the apartment because mom is not there. Which it is not her apartment nor did she live there or pay mom for rent the use of her washer/ drier or food. She has also cursed out the office management and harassed them. I hate to have her arrested because she is my sister. But, this is outrageous! There is so much more, I hope this clears things up for all.
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KNance72 Jan 20, 2024
Make a boundary with your sister and tell her to use a laundromat . Your mom is Ill and doesnt need the stress nor do you .
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Have mom’s phone number changed or at the least block sister’s number. It’s ridiculous to put up with any of this. She is owed nothing, no matter how angry she gets. Cut off the communication, no explanation needed
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Butterfly,
Thanks for writing more below about what this situation is.
I suspected there was some huge mess here that we weren't hearing about, and that seems now to be confirmed.

I have to tell you I don't too often go speechless, but I do once in a while, and I am there now for this situation. I really don't have a clue how this will play out at all. I can only wish you the best of luck, and let you know that if your 87 year old Mom is quite ill, I am glad she is safe with you and out of this chaos. HOWEVER your Mom, if she is not incompetent, has been making some very bad decisions, and has both given a lot of money to sis and enabled everything that has happened. Without a diagnosis of incompetency and a conservatorship over your mother I do not think that she can be protected, or can protect herself from a clearly mentally challenged child/your sister.

The whole situation feel quite hopeless to me at this point and I can only wish you the very best of luck.
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Butterfly62 Jan 21, 2024
Thank you, so much. Mom is competent and she is not willing to block her from calling or texting. She did tell her not to be calling her anymore. But its like tellng a brick wall to move. So, I don't know what else to do about that. But it is causing chaos for my family. I am only left with seeing a lawyer about this whole situation. We can't deal with it anymore. She calls like 10 to 15 times and mom has turned her phone off. Then she texts. It's not getting through to her. She text mom this morning wanted her to call the apartment management and ask if it would be ok for her go in the apartment to pack moms things , and it would take several days, so she can wash her clothes . But they have already told her she cannot be in the apartment if mom isn't there. It's insane!!!!
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