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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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You need to do what they ask. You seem to be a trigger. Does he get agitated when others visit? I hope you have not been spending all day with him every day. If so, you are not allowing him to adjust to staff caring for his needs. My daughter, RN in a NH, says visit but you don't have to be there every day or for long periods of time. People who suffer from a Dementia have no conception of time. Days run into each other. Because of short-term memory loss, they can forget 5 min after you left that you were there. A member of this forum told the story of, lets say their Mom, talking to her son on the phone. When she hung the phone up, someone asked how son was doing, she said "I have not heard from him in weeks".
Take a few days for yourself. He is safe and cared for. Keep your visits short and as suggested maybe right before dinner so he is distracted when u leave. Never say you are going home. My daughter always told my Mom she was going to work. The word home was never mentioned.
We were told when my BIL went into a memory care nursing home not to visit for 3 weeks because that is when they are getting him used to the place. So of his family listened and some didn't. He had a harder time with the family that didn't listen.
I agree with other responders who asked if he is on meds for anxiety and agitation. If not, this should now be considered as people with dementia are literally, biologically and cognitively not able to bring their minds to a place of acceptance, contentment and peace.
When you do eventually do visit, try coordinating it with some event in the facility and leave his presence before the event ends, letting the staff know that you will be scooting out.
If he continues to ask you to get him out, tell him that his doctor is the one who decides that. Then change the topic or leave.
CBD Gummies have provided amazing relief for my husband who was suffering terrible anxiety and delusions that were torture. He is not sedated or zoned out but can relax and enjoy his time. We can tell when it is time for another as he starts worrying about where his things are or where he is. It takes about 20 min. for the relief to come. It was a challenge for his Dr. to figure out how to prescribe it for the facility. We're so grateful for the comfort. He is now on a schedule of 1 at 8 am, 1 at 12pm, 2 at 2:00, 2 at 4:00, 2 at 6:00, 2 at 8:00pm. He has a PRN order if he needs more in the evening for sundowning. This sees to be working for now but will probably need adjustment down the line. This is a very large strong man - each person will need to discover their own amounts and schedule
My father’s hospice gave him cbd. I can’t say if it worked as dad was not really communicative.
Other products may also relax him. Hemp based products like delta-8-thc are federally legal, and all states except Idaho allow them to be shipped from suppliers in other states. They’re often found in convenience stores.
When you visit try some of these 1. Before you leave get him involved in an activity or a meal. Once he is involved quietly get up and leave. Don't say anything to him, just go. 2. Try to keep the visits short and as difficult as it is don't cry or show that you are upset or sad. He may be picking up on your emotions. 3. Agitation is common with dementia so medications are commonly used. But I would think in 7 weeks they should have his medications "fine tuned" so that he should not be getting agitated. And if the medications are not "fine tuned" I would ask to talk to the doctor to determine what is going on. (You do say in your profile ..and thank you for adding that information.. that your husband has Alzheimer's medicating for agitation should be straightforward, if he had Parkinson's and Lewy bodies that can be a little trickier to find a medication that will help with the agitation.,)
I am confused about your question...is the facility asking you to find another place for your husband?
Listen to what they are telling you, being a helicopter LO is counterproductive. He needs to acclimate to his new surrounding and you are hindering the process.
As for asking him to leave you will then need to find a new facility for him, it is just that simple.
That is why most if not all memory care facilities ask family members to stay away for at least 2 weeks to allow their loved one to adjust to their new surroundings and the people caring for them. I'm guessing that you didn't heed their advice and are now reaping the consequences huh? So I guess now you can either not visit so often or make sure that you have your loved one involved in an activity before you sneak out, to keep his agitation down.
The facility has not asked him to leave but they have sent him to the ER once because they could not calm him down. this is their policy. And I have heard from my support group if that happens too many times they will just ask them not to bring him back. I did wait 3 weeks before visiting. Then they changed his meds and ask that I wait again. HIs daughter and I are just frustrated.
Well that is sad but as a memory care nurse, I understand they are trying to stabilize him. Ask them how long are they talking about. 7 weeks sounds like the time it should have taken for the medication to have kicked in. We never actually told people to stay away. Not every facility is good. Make sure you have done your research on the facilities. As you get more experience and gather knowledge you can make more informed decisions.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Take a few days for yourself. He is safe and cared for. Keep your visits short and as suggested maybe right before dinner so he is distracted when u leave. Never say you are going home. My daughter always told my Mom she was going to work. The word home was never mentioned.
Prayers
When you do eventually do visit, try coordinating it with some event in the facility and leave his presence before the event ends, letting the staff know that you will be scooting out.
If he continues to ask you to get him out, tell him that his doctor is the one who decides that. Then change the topic or leave.
Other products may also relax him. Hemp based products like delta-8-thc are federally legal, and all states except Idaho allow them to be shipped from suppliers in other states. They’re often found in convenience stores.
1. Before you leave get him involved in an activity or a meal. Once he is involved quietly get up and leave. Don't say anything to him, just go.
2. Try to keep the visits short and as difficult as it is don't cry or show that you are upset or sad. He may be picking up on your emotions.
3. Agitation is common with dementia so medications are commonly used. But I would think in 7 weeks they should have his medications "fine tuned" so that he should not be getting agitated. And if the medications are not "fine tuned" I would ask to talk to the doctor to determine what is going on.
(You do say in your profile ..and thank you for adding that information.. that your husband has Alzheimer's medicating for agitation should be straightforward, if he had Parkinson's and Lewy bodies that can be a little trickier to find a medication that will help with the agitation.,)
I am confused about your question...is the facility asking you to find another place for your husband?
As for asking him to leave you will then need to find a new facility for him, it is just that simple.
I'm guessing that you didn't heed their advice and are now reaping the consequences huh?
So I guess now you can either not visit so often or make sure that you have your loved one involved in an activity before you sneak out, to keep his agitation down.