I've learned from seminars and a caregiver conference that caregiving is classified much differently than other stresses and you can't relate until you go through it. I have a few friends that like to compare it to their teenage son or sweating out money issues. It makes me mad and I bite my tongue.
I'm an only child caring for my 91 year old Dad and managing his life, home, dementia, and couple helpers plus my life and I am single with my life to manage. Just seeing the decline can be so sad. I retired due to Dad. I mention my Dad almost went to the emergency room and they think that's just part of life. So how do you explain without causing grief that they can't compare other stresses to caregiving.
And from a other side of the mirror point of view, often care givers choose to become caregivers. I am not saying this is always the case, but I often read here that a carer refuses to consider assisted living, nursing home etc for their elder. Did the victim of child abuse have any sort of choice in the matter? Does the stress they carry their entire lives measure less?
I understand that you need support and acknowledgment that it is hard to care give. Care giving can be isolating, it is hard to find positive feedback and the guilt of knowing it will only end with death can be unbearable.
If I was told Dad almost went to the ER, I would think, Oh it was a false alarm, if it had been serious, you would have taken him or called an ambulance. My immediate thought would not have been what happened that had you so worried that you were considering taking him to the ER. Also not all visits to the ER are life threatening. My Dad gets some serious nose bleeds due to blood thinners, but although dangerous, it is not like a heart attack, or stroke (he has had one), so my brother calls when it is serious (the stroke), but not for each nose bleed.
As cwillie said, join a support group like this one. Check out Alzheimer.org; sometimes they have meetings you can attend in a nearby neighborhood. We are experiencing similar stress, and can empathize. We can also help brainstorm with each other to provide answers to questions on things like DPOA, Medicare, Medicaid, VA, AL, MC, etc. based on our experiences.
When out with your friends, just exchange stories and concerns for each others’ lives. Use outings with them as a respite; you deserve to enjoy that time and not another thing to stress about.
It's all relative and dependent on the situation and who is having to deal with it.