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My mom has been tested by two different doctors, taken the MoCA test twice (numbers dropping the second time). She lost her license per her doctor and the Easter Seals test and is furious, saying she can drive safely during the day. She forgets the names of her siblings, grandchildren, etc. She thinks there are people in her house having a party in the middle of the night, and that my sister and I sneak new clothes into her closet to get her to dress better. But she doesn't think she has dementia and pushes back, saying "All my friends forget things sometimes!" What should I say to her?

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It’s not important that she believes her diagnosis and trying to convince her is inadvertently cruel. She has anosognosia, look it up, it’s not denial or being stubborn. She’s lost the ability to make sound judgments. This is the time she needs her family to make good decisions in her best interests. Hopefully one of you is her POA for medical and healthcare decisions. The car needs removing if it hasn’t been. She needs medication to help with the hallucinations she’s having and calm her agitation, something to discuss with her doctor. No more reminding her or trying to make her remember what she cannot, or discussing her condition around her. I’m sorry you're all in this new, sad place. Learn all you can and know mom will likely need help other than family. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Don’t argue with her or try to convince her of anything. It’s a lost cause. Validate her feelings briefly then redirect. For instance, If she says “I’m a great driver!” Respond “I know it’s frustrating that Dr X said you can’t drive any more. Where did you want to go?” If she then says “just give me the keys!” Say “We can’t do that until Dr X says it’s OK. Let’s go have a snack/ water the plants / watch the birds/ fold some laundry/ whatever.”

If she forgets family names or confuses people, ignore it or be reassuring. “That was Karen, your niece. She does look a little like Marsha.” If she keeps doing it, just ignore if you can. As long as she isn’t hurting herself or anyone else, what does it matter?
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Reply to Suzy23
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It's part of the disease. It's time to start planning for her immediate future. Getting rid of the vehicle and making sure she is never left alone is a start. You might want to talk to her doctor about anxiety meds.
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Reply to JustAnon
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My mom sounds VERY similar. We did get her to move into AL a few months ago. The challenge right now is she does not understand why she is there, when everyone around her seems to have a walker or some physical issue, and physically she is in pretty good shape! She does not believe her memory is any worse than any other 84-year-old, despite getting increasingly disoriented. She still gets angry from time-to-time about not being allowed to drive anymore, too. It is very frustrating for us to try to help her be more accepting of her situation and her limitations when she believes she is perfectly fine.
I don't have any real advice to offer, just sympathy from someone who gets it!
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Reply to LilacGirl
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