My father is 74 years old with severe dementia. Last year he was placed in a MC facility but eloped a week later. I can't get into details due to an ongoing lawsuit, but we took him back home until we could arrange another situation. About six weeks ago we moved Dad into a new facility. Again, after about a week, he escaped by kicking through a door but was quickly recovered by a staff member and calmed down. He did it again the very next day, shoving the attendant they had brought in to stay with him and breaking through another door, and was transported to the ER and then to a psychiatric facility to get his meds adjusted. This was the first time he had ever been aggressive, he was just highly defiant before and would try to run away. He was meant to be at the psych for ten days but ended up staying for five weeks. We have questions about the care he received. He was discharged back to his previous facility (which my mother has been paying for this whole time) yesterday afternoon. Today, he punched a maintenance worker in the face, knocking him out, then destroyed a door to the outside, ran across a road, almost got hit by a car, tore down a fence into a horse paddock, barricaded himself inside a barn, and attempted to attack anyone who came near him, cussing up a storm. He had to be taken down by multiple police and was transported back to the ER, where he currently is. Obviously, his MC has said he cannot come back this time. My mother had a full-blown anxiety attack as she has already lost so much money that she cannot afford trying to keep him safe and well, and because we don't know what's going to happen next or how we will get through it.
He clearly cannot come home. That was never an option after he was admitted to the most recent MC. So, what now?
At just 74 years old, this is very tragic for the man & his family.
It was hard to say I cannot handle him at home anymore but when I did and health professionals also experienced his behaviour, they made special efforts to help both of us. Life is OK now. You and your mother CANNOT live with the kind of stress you are experiencing. It takes a terrible toll. I wish you the best.
Your mom needs to work with a social worker at the hospital. She needs help placing him in a facility that understands how to manage and medicate a demented person with violent tendencies. She also needs help to file for Medicaid to help pay for the facility and medical bills he is racking up.
I'm sorry that you and your poor mother are having to go through this.
There are places that will take him but it may not be in the same city as you.
A few years back one of the ladies in my caregiver support group was having the same issue with her father, as he was extremely violent and was kicked out of 3 or 4 memory care facilities, before she was able to find one several cities away that was willing to take him.
And yes, it's my understanding that they did have to keep him pretty heavily medicated.
Hopefully you'll be able to find a good facility soon. Make sure that the social worker at the hospital is helping you and your mother do just that.
Speak to the social worker at the hospital about all of this, and tell her or him that dad cannot come home because mom CANNOT care for him. Period. He needs placement and meds to control his erratic behavior.
Good luck with a terrible situation.