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This seems a dangerous situation for the caregivers whom we presume do not have dementia. Why enter their world? Stay in your own and deal with their world and their minds. It's as if you have to enter the insane world of the insane. We don't want to become demented.

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OMG!!! Really? If someone is caring for someone with Alzheimer's/dementia, unless you want your life to be extra hard, you do at times have to enter their world, or as they say, meet them where they're at, so you can have peace and calm, and be able to get along with them.
No where is it proven that meeting a person with Alzheimer's/dementia where they are at, causes you to become "demented." That's just ridiculous.
Perhaps you may want to better educate yourself about the disease of Alzheimer's/dementia. You can start by watching some of Teepa Snows videos on YouTube, and then read the book The 36 Hour Day. Both are great options to better understand the disease.
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GardenArtist Sep 2021
Thanks for your direct and candid response to this unsettling thread.
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I had to read this twice before concluding that it isn't (or maybe it is?) just a provocation thread.     I can't believe anyone really thinks like this.    The comments  on insanity and being demented are really unsettling. 

Have you ever worked for pay?  If you have, did you not understand that you often have to see things from someone else's perspective which is what we do when we as you put it "enter their world?"
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Showing compassion for a person with dementia by relating to them in the best way possible has never given anyone dementia. Maybe it gives us a heart
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I understand you are caring for your DH who is 94 y/o with dementia and that he is very repetitive, etc. (You wrote another post about this recently) In reality, a person without dementia cannot 'enter' a demented person's world and 'think the way they do'. It's not possible. We can go along with what they're saying, agree with them, but we cannot suddenly create a brain malfunction within our OWN brain in order to become like they are.

I think you are trying to avoid developing dementia YOURSELF rather than attaching a stigma to those that do suffer from it.

We caregivers DO stay in our own reality while caring for our loved ones with dementia; if not, we wouldn't be able to care for others, when you stop to think about it.

I don't think you're trying to write an 'unsettling' thread here or trying to provoke anyone, either.

You may want to clarify what you're trying to say. And at the same time, clarify that people suffering from Alzheimer's and dementia aren't 'insane', just riddled with an affliction/disease that affects their MINDS. Big difference between the two.
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You will not become demented. It will keep things calm with the person with dementia. Remember you do not have to give lengthy answers. If asked something, one word answers work most times, such as…I don’t know, maybe, ok, tomorrow, later, I need to go to the store, etc. If the person says it’s night time, but it’s daytime, agree and change subject. They usually forget in a minute or two. I never let my mother or now my husband know they had/have Alzheimers. My husband feels everything is quite normal even though he is now in late stage in a nursing home. This keeps him quite calm and it helps the deep deep hurt in my heart. Big hugs to all.❤️
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Trani, my guess is that you are finding that caring for your husband is very stressful for you. It seems as though your own world is standing on its head, as well as his. It isn’t doing you any good to deal so often with something that seems ‘crazy’, from someone who never used to be like that.

Your stress is real, you aren’t ‘crazy’ yourself for feeling that nothing makes sense. Many of our posters are younger people with very elderly parents. They find the ‘crazy’ easier to understand, and the way it affects their world is different. If you could tell us a bit more about your situation, I would hope that you can get some more support from people who have been through the same problems. Yours, Margaret
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