I should have known better. My mother has been an emotionally abusive, manipulative, hot-tempered person for as long as I can remember. I fell into the people-pleasing mode as a child and got stuck in that mode. My adult relationship with her was managed by only visiting her when I knew I could look and behave perfectly and by ALWAYS bringing my husband as a buffer. My husband is also a people pleaser and bends over backwards for my mom.
On that note, we asked her to move in with us starting May 2021 because we bought a bigger house and got caught up in a fairy tale that she would be different. It was a nightmare. She refused to respect our work-at-home boundaries and would scream for hours if anyone asked her to respect any boundary at all. My husband had a nervous breakdown of sorts and moved out 2 months later, some of which I'm sure had to do with her relentless screaming and intrusive personality, but he definitely had his own issues at that time as well.
Now I'm left with my worst nightmare: I'm alone with my mom, and it's been ****. She is hateful, spiteful, and vengeful. She has called me a monster, ***** (which she used to do when I was growing up) and a spider, among other names. I've had to call the police on her 4 times in the past year because she wouldn't stop screaming at me for hours, sometimes days. I pretty much live in my room and her volativity has affected my ability to work. She has been diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment but refuses to take any medication for it. She also refuses to take medications for her depression and anxiety. I would say none of her behaviors are new, but are just MUCH worse because we live together. Before she moved in with us, she would occasionally spend the night, and she would become very mean if she spent more than one night. The signs were all there, but we chose to ignore them. Now it's been 15 horrible months. I can honestly say I've given 1000%, but she needs to move out.
I've had 3 childhood girlfriends visit me over the last few months and they all feel she can do independent living, which is what she was in before. I agree. She's very strong and sharp. I feel she's getting stronger and stronger every day while I'm dying inside. I also need to get a roommate as this house is expensive (my husband was supposed to be living here as well), but I'm afraid to do that due to her volatility.
What is the fastest/smoothest way to find her a place and get her to move out? I have no one local to help me. My sister moved to Florida 2 years ago and wants nothing to do with my mom. My mom gets about $1,800 a month and has a nice nest eggs in her bank account. I do not have any kind of POA.
Best of luck getting things done and leaving no room for discussion about it now.
I would find her an apt. Take her to look at it and sign the paperwork then move her in ASAP if not that day. Give her the basics to get her started. Find what she needs on Craigs List. Tell her this is the way it has to be. If she had been a nicer person you would not have to do this. You already lost ur husband because of her nastiness.
Do you think if you got rid of her your DH would come back?
As others said, you will have to do the work and get her out ASAP. You'll both be much happier.
Google if your local city has a housing authority of some sort and call them to get advice on how to get on the right road. Start filling out applications and see where there are openings and make it happen.
Find one, reserve it, take her in to sign the paperwork and pay deposits. If she refuses, drop her off at a homeless shelter and let her figure it out.
Her behavior is abusive and that gets a great big, who cares what happens to her. (I know you still care but it isn't the same care as a civilized mom would get. Speaking from personal experience.) She pays the consequences for her actions starting now. You have paid enough, you owe her nothing else beyond what you have already given.
Great big warm hug! You can do it!!