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Maybe we could share some ideas for little helps. Here are a few that help us: 1) Avery No-iron Writable clothing labels (Amazon) they press on easy and are non irritating, 2) single serve flavored coffee creamer mom can carry to the dining room 3) having certain necessities like disposable undergarments delivered right to the AL so mom never runs out 4) making sure mom gets plenty of mail (friends and family have been great to remember).

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If rides in the car are happening, have a bag packed for emergency 'poop patrol' -
1. gloves; 2. hygiene wipes; 3. change of clothes; 4. disposable underwear; 5. certainly have the seat covered in case of accident(s) and then have a back-up replacement.
IN-HOUSE: I bring my client flowers often as this is one of the small, yet important pleasures she can still enjoy while sitting alone, facing a wall eating (she has her apt set up this way-which can't be changed. If up to me, I'd have her facing "looking out the window." She STUDIES the flowers. Is a real joy to her. Gena
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When my Dad was in Memory Care, I rented a lift-recliner. I didn't want to buy one until Dad test-drove it for awhile. To him it was THE best recliner ever :)

Also it was time to retire Dad's cane and I got him one of those rolling walkers, bright blue color, it had hand brakes, a seat, and a basket.. My gosh, you'd think I had bought him a Shelby Mustang !!! He rolled that walker all over the place.
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Great ideas everyone!
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Dad seemed to enjoy talks about old times or telling me about his military days. And definitely treats (Wendy's here has a child-size Frosty -- only a few bites). I used to sit with him in the courtyard or take him out of the unit for a "walk" (he was wheelchair bound) through the facility or around the outside if the weather was nice. And I kept a candy dish completely stocked in his room for the aides. All kinds of miniature candy bars, and they knew it was there too. That gave him something to offer them as they came to his room to assist him.
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Frequent excursions to get Mom away from AL. Be sure to
include other friends and family.
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Visits are the best. Mom has dementia so I put a DVD player in her room and we watch movies. She really loves the company. When it is warm she always likes to sit outside in the sun. Magazines are great because they give us a talking point. I am always trying to make sure mom is clean and shower her when i have time. She is modest and hates having others help her in this way. Also, be kind to people who work there. I have learned that many have multiple jobs. I have learned all of their names and gotten to know them. They work so hard for little pay and I want them to feel appreciated.
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I know a lot of money is spent at these ALs but I think family can be nitpickie. Maybe because there is a feeling of guilt. Mom was in a 39 resident facility. I am OCD so sometimes I asked my daughter, RN, should I complain about this. Remember this is an AL. They are limited to the care they can give. Also, most are not lock down. Moms had a alarm with a password pad. The fire doors had alarms but people could get out. Make sure what services are being covered. You Can't complain if that service is not being paid for. Remember, Los cannot be forced to do anything they don't want to do. In Moms AL the activities director would go around and tell residents there was an activity going. They may try to have the person join in but they Can't make them do.
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More about cards. Mother in law loved the $1 cards of flowers from the supermarket. She loved a scribble from a grandchild with mum’s note ‘I think it’s a tree’. She had a ledge in her room to show them all off. “Ooh you’ve got a new card, where shall we put it” from the staff. She was so proud to demonstrate that all her family were thinking of her. Carry stamps in your purse, and it’s a really easy habit to get into. I still had a drawer full of cards when she died!
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I got my mom a digital frame for Christmas. I loaded it up with 200+ photos from as recent as last week to her childhood. It can also be updated remotely - so I can share pictures from my kids events the next day. She said it never gets old and she watches the slide show every day!
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Postcards coming in the post are great! "A letter for me?" The staff can read them out. Get the family into the habit of sending one every time they go anywhere or see anything likely to have a card for sale. And if you have a local place where crafty people sell homemade cards, those are good to post too. "My friend Maureen made this, she thought you would like it" - and it was true! Even those awful brothers that people seem to have could get their wives and children onto it. I was the one who did it for my mother-in-law.
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My mom had the same problem in rehab. It seems they have a
routine and will get to her when it is her turn. Someone told me
that the definition of incontinent means they cannot get to the bathroom without help. So the diaper is the solution for the facility.
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Lasvega0
Just a note on the cane repair.
My aunt uses a cane. One day I noticed it was making a noise on the sidewalk. A click of metal on metal type sound. The rubber tip was on the cane. When we got home I looked at the bottom of the cane. The rubber was worn through. I would have never noticed that today because she seldom goes outdoors and has soft flooring that wouldn’t click. So your post is a good reminder to check the rubber on the bottom of the cane as well.
I was amazed at how many steps she must have taken to wear that rubber away.
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My 74 year old friend is amazingly healthy but confined to AL due to short-term memory loss. Her greatest joy is escaping the confines - and the AL is within my community, so unless I'm pressed for time, I stop in for a few minutes just to say hello; also greet or chat a moment with those I pass in the common areas who also crave company or change of routine. I take my friend out to lunch or shopping, but more often I just pick her up to go to the grocery or cleaners or post office - whatever errand I'm on. For Christmas, I gave her an exercise trampoline (first getting consent from the AL Director and her family), which helps dissipate her buildup of emotional and physical energy for which there are so few outlets in a confining facility. At first, I committed to call daily...but she "hides" her phone for safekeeping, so the impromptu visits work better - and the smile on her face each time is well worth the few minute delay in my daily chores.
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Go to visit, but keep them short. How old is old? I'm 'old' have a cell phone and a computer. Don't talk down to us. We get plenty of carbs, so fruit would be a better snack. We share magazines with other residents, so don't need that. My husband really likes the morning newspaper. Ask what they need and go get it. Always running out of things like toothpaste, shampoo. etc.
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I helped set up a library in my sister's Assisted Living facility. Then I went on Nextdoor.com and asked neighbors to donate books, magazines, puzzles. Big response
and it's a 2-way win-win!!
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Her own land line telephone
Daily newspaper subscription
Magazine subscriptions (People, Time, Discover)
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Having the apps for all my dad’s favorite sports on my phone so I could keep him up to date on the games he would want to watch and which channel they would be on. Buying him clothes that were easier to put on, I.e. no more belt and Velcro shoes, zip up sweaters, while keeping his sense of style. Displaying cards from family on a cord across a wall in the living room. Making sure he had his little things he liked, especially cough drops.
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My mom's aides in the nursing home do not pay attention to her when she requests that she needs to go to the bathroom. This is a consistent issue. Even when I bring it to attention of nurses, they say oh they are busy with other residents. The more I complain, it seems the worse the situation.
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OldBob1936, your post made me smile. What a beautidul way to share memories with your dear wife. It seems your prayers have been answered and you do have a servants heart!
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Seniors are not as equipped to use cell phones today as most of us. Check with your state. In Indiana the CapTel Telephone is free for those that are hard of hearing. It has a screen that displays the words of the conversation as well. The ringer is loud. The service is free to be used with a landline. I have magic jack which feeds off the WiFi. It has been extremely handy and has speed dial. Just make a small phone book for regular numbers stored.
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My wife was in a nursing home for over ten years...I would take different things each day...
A handful of old black and white photos to look though.
Our high school year book (Class of 1954. Classmates and sweethearts we were.)
Once in awhile our wedding photo album (black and white photos of course.)
Her old Betty Crocker cookbook and we'd look at and talk about some of her favorite recipes.
Supermarket advertising flyer...I'd have her help me make up a shopping list of bargains..
I'd say I wanted to bake a cake and tell her ingredients: butter, yes. Flour, yes. vanilla flavoring, yes. cup of sugar, yes. etc., etc., then I'd say
CUP of salt, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!. Fun....
Country home type magazines and page through them.
Vacation advertising flyers and I'd say, "Let's plan a vacation for when you get better and you get to get out of this joint and have some fun." (She was paralyzed, could not speak, dizzy at all times, but very alert...We both knew that she would never be "better" but when we talked like that she would get "out of her sick bed." That was my source of joy and my motivation.)

I did that stuff and more because I prayed to have a servant's heart and God answered me..I also did it because she was my sweetheart.

Grace + Peace,

Bob
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My dad has been in AL for 3.5 years. Seasonal decor for his door and room.
Say hello and small talk with the aides and other staff members who take care of him.
I always have treats for dad in his room.
Get to know some of the other residents too.
Always visit with a smile on your face.
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Cards and little notes sent often (weekly) to loved one.
Bulletin board to help display
McDonalds ice cream sundae or milkshake while you sit and visit
Small treats (candies, caramels)
A nice walk with loved one; stopping to smell the flowers or encourage them to touch flowers, leaves
IPAD with old pictures to share and discuss
IPAD facetime or skype with far away loved ones
Having lunch or dinner with loved one at the dining room with other residents
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This isn’t exactly responsive to your question but it’s a tip that could save somebody a lot of pain and perhaps worse.

Two years ago when I was a youth of 87, my child bride who was 85 at the time, and I went to a local pub to get some ribs. I never got in the door. As I was about to walk in, I suddenly fell on my face which I hit on the door sill. It bled considerably, and somebody called 911. The paramedics seeing my location, seemed more interested in whether I was drunk than whether I was injured. Eventually I was taken to the hospital and received a few stitches and was released.

That was two years ago. Yesterday, I suddenly realized that I was again set up to take the same type of fall. The “set up” was my cane.

Two years ago after I was released from the hospital, I got into my car and noticed that the rubber tip that had been on the end of my came was on the floor of the car. It was then that I suddenly realized why I had fallen. Without the rubber tip on the cane, it has almost no friction at all on hard surfaces like marble, tile or concrete and when I put my weight on the cane it just slid out from under me. Of course I glued it back on and had no further problem with it until yesterday when somehow the rubber tip came off again. This time I glued it back on before anything else happened. I would share this bit of “knowledge learned the hard way”the with other cane users who might not paying attention to the condition at the other end of the cane.
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Dear NightOwl,

A simple hello and how are you? means the world to me. Getting someone's favorite coffee or taking them out for a favorite meal.
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Saying hi in passing or coming over to say hi when out and about. A friendly handshake. Nice UPS drivers and postal carriers. Fun receptionists and dental hygienists. Kind people who hold doors for bulky wheelchairs and smile encouragingly.
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Photos sent to your iPhone to share or mailed in those cards and letters. A place to display them.
Fresh flowers, a visit from animals or youth, regular assisted phone calls to friends and relatives. A fresh lipstick or favorite lotion or perfume. A hamburger or malt from a favorite Resturant. A new blouse or shirt. A haircut or new do. Music of a particular era. Hugs and kisses. A nice long visit. A pedicure. A manicure. So many things come to mind.
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