What other senior living options would work for my mom besides Independent Living?

I am afraid without money in the United States of America, "ideal" just doesn't exist. Your Mom would likely thrive in assisted living, but there are not funds to cover what amounts to minimally 4,000 a month. I hope others have a good idea for you; I just don't.

Look for smaller Group Homes that might be in your area. Less than IL and the staff ratio is usually a bit better.

Unless she has lots of money, there are no Ideal Places besudes living with a loved one.

You could hire help letting a Caregiver come to releave you.
I know she doesn't like to live by herself but if the only other choice was a Senior Home, she would be better off in her own Senior Apartment.
Senior Apartment.

She or you could have her groceries delivered.

You can have easy microwaveable food so not much cooking.

Usually the Senior Apartment places offer rides to the store, mall ect once or twice a week plus they usually schedule things to do and most of them will have a room or bldg that they can meet in for activities.
If she can't stay with a loved one this would be her next best thing.

Senior Homes are awful and that should be her last resort.

The'll show you a nice bldg and tell you what you want to hear but reality check, you don't get what you see and most all of them are short handed and you lose all decisions, having to eat sleep get up and shower on their terms, rather you like it or not.

Plus the fact that with Covid around, you have a good chance of getting it in a Senior Home.

Ine more thought, maybe mom could find a roommate as there bound to be someone else who doesn't want to live alone either.

Prayers

Would a roommate work? Someone with similar tastes and needs?

I am facing this possibility myself in the future and it is frightening!

If she lives near a college, maybe she could rent out a room in her house to a college student, grad student, med student, etc. That would provide the comfort she needs and some extra income. I know this has been done before, usually with great results. It can be mutually beneficial for both the student and landlady. You might want to consult a lawyer, though, to fine out what type of lease a tenant would need to sign, what the specifics are in regards to house privileges, (kitchen, laundry room, etc.). I think many areas have free or reduced rate legal assistance for seniors.

Malaysia - do you live in an area where your mother can be around older women from her own culture? I'm assuming you're Malaysian.

It's concerning that your mother considers cleaning and cooking an obligation considering that she is neither disabled nor wealthy. Is there an element of depression involved?

Your mother could rent a bedroom/bathroom suite in the home of another older woman who also doesn't want to live alone. She can share the expenses for housekeeping, utilities, groceries, etc.

Covid19 has changed everything but delivered meals are a good start until the senior centers offer transportation, meals and activities. Paid House cleaning at least on a monthly basis. Options that provide a structured day.

Some of the responses here are indicating they think your Mom will need assistance in Independent living place.
I am a feisty 81 and a 1/2 four ft ten woman, completely able to take care of myself, as far as keeping house, cooking, laundry, driving my self anywhere except on parkways. However, after my husband's death almost 3 years ago, I deplore cooking. I buy already cooked foods, portion them out (I can't eat a complete meal of normal portions) and freeze the rest. I buy baked chicken 8 pieces at a time and freeze. I buy precooked potatoes and bake at least 4 sweet potatoes to go with the chicken or whatever meat is in the freezer. I heat and eat only. I've been cooking since I was 12 including 58 years for my husband, he never cooked, and I just won't do it any more. I have a cleaning lady come in every two weeks to clean my apartment. I can still drive.
I decided independent living might work for me, I was briefly exposed to that when I placed my husband in respite care for over 2 weeks.

Now, I am in the process of visiting several facilities in my area. The workers there do not go into your rooms to "help" the independent person. They change linens, empty trash, and do once weekly cleaning or light dusting or mopping floor. They do not "care" for the independent person.

My main reason for wanting this is my age, and the possibility I may soon get memory loss. If I am in independent living, I will just transfer to assisted living in the same place.
Independent living is not that bad, but it beats me cleaning. I've been doing that since I was 5 years old, with increasing responsibilities till my father died at age 34, and I at 16 had to go to school daily, take care of being the mother while my mother went to work, with my own part time job from 6-11 4 times a week, and cooking dinner for family before I left for my own part time job. Married for 58 years, and although my husband shared cleaning and laundry duties, after caring for him (he not doing any chores with dementia) for 10 years with dementia, I am tired. Now I want a little respite from responsibilities.

So, my conclusion after looking at several facilities, talking with them on the phone, reviewing their internet ads, I don't like all I see, but I don't want what I have now. There is one thing, though, I found in my search. Many get bad reviews for the food in the dining halls. I may have to live with that, as I am just not going to cook anymore. I don't even remember all the meals I made. I don't have memory loss, just haven't cooked for over 8 years, as my husband couldn't eat what I usually cooked for his last years, he wanted to eat out, so I allotted a budget for eating out. That was his socialization.
So, independent living isn't so bad. They have activities, physical fitness, buses to take on excursions (shopping), movies. There are places where they are just "independent living", smaller apartments, some activities, but no dining hall or laundry service. Rent is much cheaper. The same design apartments are in "facilities with assisted living and memory care". The price for these smaller apartments, where they have washer and dryers are more than monthly rent of an apartment for all ages, but they do offer some light housekeeping, but no meals or laundry. Do some research as I am now doing, ask questions, look for reviews on better business bureau or other rating firm. Search for "senior living facilities/housing".

Also, see if she can rent a small manufactured home in a over 55 park, where she would have to do her own cooking or get meals on wheels. If she can't drive, that would be a problem, so you all have to figure out what she needs. I can still drive, but it won't be long before I can't so I'm planning my future, not my son planning it.

I would check out board and care homes.

She will most likely need to share a room if she goes to any facility setting.

In my city we have apartment buildings that are specifically for seniors and they are pretty reasonably priced, however, you still have to do your own activities of daily living and that means providing your own meals and doing or paying someone to clean and do laundry.

Maybe, find places like that and see if someone that has a 2 bedroom is looking for a roommate. Any chore is easier when we have a friend to work with. It is possible that she will start engaging with life if she is amongst her peers and not trying to manipulate her daughter.

Best of luck finding the perfect fit. Or at least a good fit 🙂.

There are some very nice 55+ apartments near us. They have options for bringing in help if a resident wants it, but they are not an assisted living facility. The rents aren't cheap, but they are much cheaper than assisted living or a nursing home.

Others made great suggestions about having meals delivered, or buying prepared meals from a grocery store or restaurant.

Senior apartments and assisted living facilities are what you are looking for. Please consider contacting a social worker through her doctor to get help in finding a place that will be paid by her finances.

If assisted living doesn't work, she may need long term care. Mental issues should be part of the criteria that allows her placement.

MalaysiaMuva: Prayers sent, but I am wondering if your mother is on Medicare and not Medicaid.

I don't have enough information but I would look into assisted living where she would have company, medical help and meals. Good luck.

Not sure where you are located but in NJ in order to get housing with meals and housekeeping included you are talking about assisted living - even if you don't need an "assist" you are going to end up paying for it. We also have board and care homes which might fit her needs. You can get an apt in one of the senior housing developments and then have her use meal delivery (or when the senior centers open back up use their lunch meal service for a nominal fee). Some of the better senior developments are run by non profits and are classified under HUD. Rents differ based on the person's income (and of course, income is a qualifier for getting into their development). Be warned in advance that it can be a wait to get in even after you are qualified. I sit on the Bd of Trustees of one such organization and we have a 3-4 year wait list.