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My mother has enetered the dementia unit of a pretty good nursing home. She will never come back home. At the end of the month, I need to give up her apartment. I have a sister who lives out of state, but I have taken total responsibility for every aspect of her care since 2006, when she began to decline. (My dad's been dead since 1983.) I am mom's POA, HCP, and the executor of her will and (modest) estate. The question is around her antique (and non-antique) furniture. In her will, she left part to my sister and part to her cousins (who actually asked in 2008 if they could have certain pieces upon her death!Mom agreed! Btw, my cousins live on the opposite coast, have not seen my mom since 2008, and may or may not even remember the agreement.) The thing is, mom's not dead and I am unclear on what action to take now that I need to get everything out of the apartment. (I don't want to "store" everything at my house, waiting for her to die.) I don't believe we're under any legal obligation to keep belongings we no longer need, just to leave them to someone after death. Had these items not been willed, I would dispose of (donate, sell) them as I saw fit and the proceeds would become part of her estate. But they are willed, and I am struggling with the legality and morality of what to do. Neither my sister nor my mother care much about mom, and I am working to clean out 54 years worth of "stuff" alone and against a time contraint (I also work full time). If it matters, in the last 15 years, my sister has come to vist my mother 5 times. As another aside, I have reason to believe my sister could care less about having the furniture. Advice? Sorry for the long post and the fact that it's not exactly about "caregiving," but I have found this group to be a weath of knowledge.

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If you've got a copy of the will, write formally to everyone who has been named as a recipient of these items and give them reasonable notice that your mother's effects have to be cleared now. The message being: now or never, come and collect them.

I am assuming that these items wouldn't amount to a substantial monetary value, and that their value won't become material to a Medicaid claim?

I think the ethical point, for you as a caregiver, is that in using your POA you are expected to enact her wishes as far as you can reasonably determine them. Leaving aside how deserving these people are, you know what your mother's wishes are - she wants people to have these keepsakes. That's why you should make a reasonable effort to follow her instructions; but I stress 'reasonable'. No, you don't have to find storage room, no you don't have to sling a wardrobe over your back and walk to your sister's house to deliver it; just give them a fair chance either to make arrangements for collection or else waïve their bequests. How long have you got before her home has to be cleared?
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Agree, notify those persons aligned to specific pieces and tell them if they want them to come and get them or pay for shipping. Give them 30-60days to arrange. Consid having an estate appraiser or local auction house come in and provide estimates on key pieces and you take pictures and send out if you want to relatives and give them option to purchase, if they don't, have them auctioned and make money part of estate. I know how you feel, your doing all the work and in the end splitting it with sis who has done nothing including visiting mom...but what can you do? You might ask her if she would consider rebating part of her share for all the work you have done but don't hold your breath.
I'll be in this same boat, although my mom has nothing of value. I'm going to donate all the furnishings to church or Lutheran services who help set up households to new immigrants, etc. the rest will go to Habitat store (they pick up) clothes, old linens, etc. to trash.
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Can you consult the lawyer who drew up the will?
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I would get legal advice, however, as her POA, it's your duty to do what is in the best interest of her..now and not to protect the future legal interest of some third parties.
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Ask the sister and cosins if they would like to buy the furniture. Explain everything must be liquidated to fund your Mom's care. If they want it, sell it to them. If not dispose how you like. Do what is easiest for you. Good luck
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My understanding is that the Medicaid recipient's household property is exempt from determination of eligibility, however, if they are converted to cash, then the value is used. It's a complicated can of worms IMO and I have been trying to sort out similar issues with my loved one. I'm afraid as to which move to make. I'm going to consult with an elder law attorney before I make any move.
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Christine, if this is any consolation, my late aunt made a point of giving us all our 'bequests' while she was still around to supervise. She didn't trust her executor to pay close attention to which item was meant to go to which person, and besides - that way she got the thanks while she was still around to appreciate them. I agree, it is hard to avoid the mental image of people sitting around a table with napkins tucked over their tummies, knife and fork in hand… but the key thing is that your mother's wishes, as she wrote them down, get put into effect. And if she gets some pretty cards and maybe a phone call or two - or even a visit! - out of it, so much the better. She'll be glad that her most meaningful items have gone to good homes.
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OP here again.Thanks Countrymouse, Sunnygirl1, and flegflyer for your input. Update/clarification: since my mom's in a nursing home, they're taking everything (meaning her ss check). She will have only $50 a month left for her needs. She's going to need a $1600 denture, among other things (toiletries, clothing, paid services at the nursing home, etc.) Since she's not dead, her assets are still rightfully hers. As her POA, I feel her furniture and anything else she won't use should be sold, and the moneys used to finance her needs and contribute to the cost of her funeral. I've spent thousands of dollars on my mother's needs over the years and I can't afford to do it anymore. My sister has contributed nothing, but is adamant that she wants "everything my mother wanted me to have." If only she knew that my mother really didn't want her to have anything, but I convinced both of them that my sister should have the furniture since I didn't want it. Now I find out it's antique and worth money. That could buy my mother her denture!
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Christine, I would be careful of selling items and putting the money in the bank to cover her future needs. If Medicaid does a review, and sees she has assets that exceed their limit which I believe is $2000.00, then it could cause a kink in her eligibility. I'm not trying to be difficult, it's just this is what I have been told over and over by people who have experienced it and by a couple of elder law attorneys. Things may be exempt until they turn to cash and then it's a different story.

Perhaps there is a way to turn the exempt household property into funds that can cover her necessities, but I would get it in writing and made very clear first.
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Thanks for that Sunnygirl; I have consulted a lawyer. If I did that, I'd open an account in my own name.
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