Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Has your husband ever physically abused you? If he hasn’t yet, it sounds like he definitely could. You don’t say in your profile, but has he been tested for dementia?
If you, yourself are financially solvent, to be brutally honest, if it were me, I’d get the heck out. This isn’t 1950. Married men no longer have unquestioned dictatorship over their wives unless, of course, their wives allow it. He can only control and abuse you if you let him. You are a grown woman who had a life before him. Perhaps when you were courting, he showed his good side.
If he has children and they are unaware of his treatment of you, let them in on it. Chances are if there’s an ex-wife in the picture, they’ve heard it before. Enlist their help to get Dad to a doctor for evaluation. There are doctors who come to your home. You can also use the therapeutic fib and tell him he needs a physical or they will cancel his insurance. Will all the new health care rules, who knows?
If at any time he threatens you physically, immediately call 911. If you don’t, he could lose control and case you bodily harm, or worse. If it is dementia, it’s only going to get worse.
Geezlouise - you said your husband is forgetful, controlling and abusive.
Is the forgetfulness new? Could it be the beginning of dementia? How about his being controlling and abusive? Are those his personality traits? Or new changes?
If those are new changes, perhaps they are caused by his illness, and his depression. I'd check with the doctor.
If those are his personality traits, then he probably won't change. The only thing you can do is to keep away from him or keep him away from you.
You don't deserve to be treated badly by anyone, husband included.
Thank you. No physical abuse. He doesn't want to go to jail. He has no kids. I can't get him to go to the doctor. So it appears that I will eventually leave him. We live at separate ends of the house and that is even too close. I never know what kind of mood he will be in.
geezlouise - stay safe and don't under-estimate someone who is depressed, abusive, and controlling. If/when your husband loses control, there's no telling what he is capable of.
Make your exit plan, have it at the ready for when you need it.
Geezelouise, you’re asking what you should do. I believe you already know. You say you are already living at separate ends of the house. Are you aware of when he comes and goes and where he might be going? He’s already spoken about getting a firearm. Will you know when he does or will the first you know he has one is when he gets angry and comes to your bedroom door with it?
Are you staying there simply because it’s easier than uprooting your life? Because he obviously treats you like a sub-human, you really have no obligation to him. Just go. No one should have to tolerate being treated like this.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you, yourself are financially solvent, to be brutally honest, if it were me, I’d get the heck out. This isn’t 1950. Married men no longer have unquestioned dictatorship over their wives unless, of course, their wives allow it. He can only control and abuse you if you let him. You are a grown woman who had a life before him. Perhaps when you were courting, he showed his good side.
If he has children and they are unaware of his treatment of you, let them in on it. Chances are if there’s an ex-wife in the picture, they’ve heard it before. Enlist their help to get Dad to a doctor for evaluation. There are doctors who come to your home. You can also use the therapeutic fib and tell him he needs a physical or they will cancel his insurance. Will all the new health care rules, who knows?
If at any time he threatens you physically, immediately call 911. If you don’t, he could lose control and case you bodily harm, or worse. If it is dementia, it’s only going to get worse.
Is the forgetfulness new? Could it be the beginning of dementia? How about his being controlling and abusive? Are those his personality traits? Or new changes?
If those are new changes, perhaps they are caused by his illness, and his depression. I'd check with the doctor.
If those are his personality traits, then he probably won't change. The only thing you can do is to keep away from him or keep him away from you.
You don't deserve to be treated badly by anyone, husband included.
Make your exit plan, have it at the ready for when you need it.
Are you staying there simply because it’s easier than uprooting your life? Because he obviously treats you like a sub-human, you really have no obligation to him. Just go. No one should have to tolerate being treated like this.