My dad is old also he has health issues his self. But he is fine to take care of his self but my step mom isn't she is not safe to herself or other's we live with them and I have 6 children myself that live here also. She has disabilities she is in a wheelchair because she just had half her foot taken off she doesn't eat right she is very difficult to handle she lashes out on everybody what do I do
2. Tell dad he has to deal with his own wife.
3. If you do not have a job, as it sounds like you are single, please get one along with your oldest kids so that when the time comes for you to retire, you will not have to live with your kids. Set them up a savings account, each and every one of them. Make them put money into it from their paychecks to save for the future.
I was born in a house of people that had not planned for their own retirement and the old folks lived with us. Dad was disabled. Times were very tough. My grandparents and my dad died penniless. My mom now has less than three years of money left before she is broke. I have made it very, very clear to my kids that getting a job and planning for retirement are not optional. Both are an absolute necessity. You either plan, or you suffer. I for one don't want any of us to suffer.
Is she currently at home or is she in the hospital? or is she in rehab?
If she is in the hospital or in rehab you need to discuss with the discharge planner that your father can no longer safely care for her in their home. And she can not be discharged into his care. (I suppose if he agreed to have caregivers come in and help would that make things better?)
Ultimately this is your dad's decision as he is legally the one that makes decisions regarding her care.
Since you live there it is your decision to accept your dad's decision about this. Or you can move out.
"3 years ago she and my dad and my children moved to Kentucky"
(why did your 6 children move to Kentucky with your Dad and his wife?)
"6 months ago my dad called me to move here to help him with my children" (WHY on earth is Dad stuck raising your 6 kids and you aren't?) I would guess after 2-1/2 years of 6 kids your Dad is worn out and burned out.
Then you rattle on about how awful Dad's wife is to your kids, that your Dad is "not in great shape" but "is able to take care of himself" and his wife has just had half her foot removed and in a wheelchair? Do you realize your Dad is drowning in all this pressure to support YOUR 6 kids, plus take care of his seriously ill wife?
Why aren't YOU supporting your 6 kids? Where are their deadbeat Fathers, and are you getting Child Support from any of them? Why is your elderly Father responsible for YOUR 6 kids and you aren't? That is RIDICULOUS.
Do you have a job? Ever had a job? Why aren't the kids between age 6 and 17 IN SCHOOL? You don't seem to care about anything but how awful his wife is to your kids? Yet you aren't even raising them!
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?
Are you even sending your Dad money for their food and clothes? You need to be working full time, those kids in school, and not making your kids your Dad's responsibility. PERIOD. What happens if Dad dies from the stress? Who are you dumping your kids on next? What is your game plan?
Your Dad made vows to his wife, not you and YOUR kids.
Are you working? Do you get child support? If not, you can pursue it now. You may also qualify for benefits like housing assistance, SNAP, and Medicare due to the number and ages of your children. Your children are old enough for school and the older ones can take care of the younger ones during the summer and after school. Or after-school and some summer childcare may be available as a benefit -- check into it.
Then see how your stepmother does without the need to live with and take care of six children that aren't hers while in a wheelchair recuperating from a surgery with permanent effects. You may find that in a quieter, calmer household with just your father, who will be able to concentrate on her instead of all the grandchildren, she may calm down and treat him respectfully. If she doesn't, then you can encourage him to talk with her doctors about medication to calm her down. And if that doesn't work, you could report to Adult Protective Services that she is violent and abusive to him and ask them to investigate.
But in any case the first step is to get your children into a separate household, for everyone's sakes.
When you say you can't get your stepmom into a home, do you mean you have tried but she wasn't accepted, or that she can't afford it, or that she refuses to go?
More details will help us advise you.