My FIL is 89, uses a rolling walker due to back fracture and is not very steady on his feet. He is NOT to lift, bend or twist and yet we catch him doing those things all the time. We address it with him and he gets beligerent and tells us we treat him like an invalid. He walks around the block somtimes so we lift his walker down the steps to get outside for obvious safety reasons. Yesterday he decided to just go on the walk on his own, lifting the walker down stairs and then up again while I was in meetings. I'm beyond upset with him and frankly ready to find placement somehwere that he isn't putting himself at risk and putting us in such a difficult position. He will not listen to reason.
Unfortunately this is not an uncommon problem and it is self limiting. Eventually he will pay the price for the stubborness and then he WILL be limited. Other than trying, with doctors, to explain all this, I am uncertain what will work, and hope others have some good tricks up their sleeves.
My father acted in a similar fashion; we had to drive him to Walgreens to buy a cane; he wasn't given a choice; except WHICH cane he preferred. He did buy one and he started to use it, but he really needed a walker which Medicare provided for him. He refused to use it, however, and created a lot of stress about the matter for me and for mom. One night, he fell while going to the bathroom; he broke his hip. Rehab in the SNF refused to release him back to Independent Living (b/c he made no progress with PT/OT), so he had no other choice but to be placed in AL, which meant my mother went along with him.
What the elders don't want to hear is this: if they don't follow safety guidelines willingly, bad things happen (oftentimes) and then their decision making abilities are taken AWAY from them. Someone else decides where they live and that's when they get REALLY mad. If they just used the walker in the first place, lots of heartaches could have been avoided. But many people have to do things 'their way' and drag everyone down with them, unfortunately.
I understand fully that you are not trying to 'disable' your FIL in any way; you are simply trying to avoid having him break his hip/neck/back/pelvis and watch that nightmare scenario unfold for EVERYONE.
Get him back into the ALF if possible.
And? So what happened? Apart from his being unbearably smug about not breaking his hip, I mean.
He's been given the information. He understands the information. He chooses to ignore the information, and do what he feels his body can manage on a given day. Fine.
The difficult position you are in is restricted to frustration with your FIL that he won't do what you think he should do. He doesn't *agree.* Accept his right not to agree. Stop attempting to disable him.
All stress, worry, potential consequences, emergencies, land on OP.
Constant worry, stress.
You can try to minimize the potential ways he could hurt himself.
Ramps where he has to take stairs/steps.
Moving throw rugs, cords other items around the house (I am sure these have been done)
And other things but....
He is going to do what he is going to do.
You can not be at his right arm 24/7 to prevent injury.
As is with most caregivers caring for someone that will not follow suggestions for their safety you wait...and wait for something to happen.
Falls happen. He could stand up from his bedside or the kitchen chair and fall. The fact is accidents happen.
Yes it is a worry but it should not be consuming your life.
You see him when he does something he "shouldn't" because he is living with you. If he returned to Assisted Living he would be doing the same things it is just you would not be witness to them.
You will not find a place that will restrict his movements and prohibit him from bending, twisting, lifting to do so would be restraining him and that is not legal.