My MIL recently had to move into our home due to the fact that she can’t take proper care of herself. She forgets to shower, eat, etc. and she is a diabetic. She has a yorkie that is her absolute best friend, but she fails to let the dog out during the day or at all. Another one of the reasons why she had to move in with us is because her house was covered with dog feces and fleas. The dog is not house trained and is about 4 years old. When we scold the dog for using the bathroom in the house, she gets angry with us and says “he’s just a puppy,” but he’s not. If you take the dog outside he will use the bathroom outside, but me and my husband are both at work from 8am-7pm most days. If me or my husband let the dog outside she becomes frantic. She is constantly holding the dog so we won’t let him outside. He uses the bathroom in the house and of course on the rugs if not the hardwood floor because she fails to take him outside. When he does use the bathroom inside, she picks it up with a paper towel and never uses any actual cleaning products to clean the floor where he used the bathroom at. I know if we were to take him away from her she would be very upset/depressed but we are coming to our wits end. I’m not such what other options we have. She doesn’t remember a lot of things, but she remembers the dog and when he is not near her, she starts looking for him franticly and calling his name. Any suggestions??
If you can't take the dog, then you need to rehome or take to a shelter.
Don't overthink this. The simple answers are generally the most correct.
First, you could get the dog a doggie litter box. While he’s no longer a puppy, it may be possible to still get him trained. That way, he’ll use that and it will just require cleaning, at a more convenient time. The larger the box, perhaps, the less frequent cleaning.
In addition, while there have always been multi-day wet feeders, they’ve been terribly insufficient, using ice packs to keep wet food fresh. However, as of this year, they’re finally hitting the market. While I have cats, these are also suitable, for small dogs. One I’ve purchased is the PetLibro Polar, which offers 3 days of feeding wet food and the food is chilled down to approx 40 degrees, keeping it fresh. Feedings are scheduled via iPhone or Android. Another, which I believe may still be offering introductory pricing at this time (June, 2024), may ship this October and is called BistroCat. While this is for cats, perhaps at some point, they will offer dog food, for small dogs also. This is an unrefrigerated feeder, offering maybe 6+ days of wet food and is also scheduled via iPhone or Android.. Yet another, by Refined Feline, called Symba, is a refrigerated wet food feeder, offering 8 feedings of wet food, by your choice (whatever dog or cat food) and I believe will also be programmed via iPhone or Android.
In addition, you may also wish to install a camera, in your mother’s living space. While technology is not perfect, due to occasional outages, it may give you some peace of mind, when you cannot be there and as your mother’s condition is, unfortunately, likely to worsen, over time. You also want to ensure she’s not harming her pet, at some point. As dementia changes, this is a possibility.
Lastly, while I hate to say this because I feel pet adoption should be for the life of the pet, you may consider getting an easier to care for pet for her, at some point, if you feel she gets to a stage where it would not make a difference to her. A “well-tempered” cat “may” be easier and you may also have a setup where the cat is content not going out, which will mean you can also lock your mother in, to prevent wandering.
I really hope these products and my suggestions are helpful to you and others. Often times, animal companionship, is the closest we can get to care, when we’re dealing with a loved one and still have to earn a living.
Don't encourage the OP to get their demented mother a cat. Can you imagine the mother trying to pick up an unwilling cat? That would be very dangerous for the mother.
If the mother won't cooperate with getting the dog properly trained to go to the bathroom outside and not in the house then alternatives like puppy pads or they have that fake grass that the dog can pee on inside.
It's not ideal but until the mother needs to be moved into a facility it seems like a better option than separating her from her best friend (whom she is causing great mental anguish and torture too with her demented ways - but hey let's not take that into account and just focus on the mentally unwell persons wants and needs).
You can research rescues in your area. A small dog like this will go in a minute.
Be sure to screen well.
You do not scold a dog. You teach it with love and positive reinforcement.
If you do not know how to train a dog, get a dog trainer. It will make the dog more adoptable. Yes, it is unfortunate for the dog to be four and not trained although it can happen. I watch Cezar Millian (sp?) all the time. He is a master at how to teach (a person) how to interact / work with a dog - to be the alpha.
Yes, your MIL won't be able to manage / understand any longer.
I would encourage you to get an 'automated' mechanical dog if you think this would help. When you remove the dog, best to not mention it. It will continue to be a difficult / painful reminder that her 'best friend' is no longer with her.
These are heartbreaking situations. My heart goes out to your mom and the dog.
Gena / Touch Matters
And as someone working in rescue much of my life I find that dogs can almost always be trained on adoption by a diligent and dedicated good new owner.
And does not solve the trip hazard issue
A yorkie wouldn't even survive in that environment for a moment. That's just cruel.
I agree that if your MIL could not live alone, she should not be left alone all day in your home while you are at work. Hire a caregiver to come in, and ask them to take the dog out - on a leash - to go potty.
I also agree with everyone who says re-home the dog. However, something a little more sneaky; since the dog obviously is important to your MIL, maybe you can find a yorkie who looks alike, and is potty trained, to replace him with.
But, still, a dog can't go to the bathroom outside if no one lets him out.
You need to find someone responsible to do this during the days.
A yorkie can easily be paper trained on a wee-wee pad if they need to go to the bathroom inside. (you can order wee-wee pads on Amazon or any pet supply store). You can place the pad in an area of your choice and I'm sure there are youtube videos to provide steps on how to teach the dog. And you should always be praising the yorkie when they learn each time to use the pad...positive reinforcement. Yorkies love praise. But, that's not in replacement of walking the yorkie...and you've gotten GREAT advice from so many dog lovers on this post - regarding the caregiver walking the dog as a regular routine (ideally every 4 hours) - or hire a dog walker ...this will help to create a routine for the yorkie. That's very important.
It's upsetting to hear how much pressure you're placing on this dog, without any training...would you expect the same from a baby?
The yorkie is still young enough to break old habits and become trained...they're very smart - and they love doing the right thing, and they're actually the easiest, most precious little dogs...the key is "routine and a proper schedule."
Wishing you all the very best ~
Check the internet for artificial potty grass. There's a number of different brand names, designs, and sizes.
If a doggy door is possible, consider that but it's going to have to be trained to use it.
One brand name is Joy for All companion pets. They move and make noises. No worries about potty training!
They also make baby dolls for dementia patients. Has anyone tried those?
I had a collection of dolls growing up.
I remember those magic bottles that I fed my babydoll and the milk disappeared. Betsy Wetsy came with diapers. I had another one, Chatty Cathy, that said a few phrases when I pulled a string. I had Tiny Tears that cried. I had a doll that giggled.
I don’t know anything about the dolls that are designed for seniors. They sell the pets and the dolls on Amazon.
We can buy just about anything on Amazon these days.
It’s interesting that they started out selling books, then they exploded into selling everything!
Doggie diapers. On when you leave, off when you return.
Your senior has some dementia. Clearly you know that and posted this under it.
Take her dog from her and you have essentially taken that single last thing she has to lose.
She already LOST her mind.
There is likely nothing so divisive on AgingCare as a discussion of our pets and I would say that is reflected on any social media. That is because the pet lovers among us are nuts; (I am one and am not so unwise at 81/83 respectively to get another pet to burden our kids when we crump, but AM still keeping my hand in with fostering; Her name is Frieda; want to adopt?)
To be honest, our pets, for those who love them have been the single thing to keep us sane from age 3 to 103. They are non judgemental beings we can cuddle, who will love us no matter WHAT we have done that is not lovable. They don't care. They simple attach themselves to us like a parasite (or WE TO THEM?).
To deprive a senior nearing end of life, of a pet, is often unavoidable.
It is, however, to my mind at least, a worse blow than the final loss of our minds. We SEE that coming. We know even when you think we don't. But if we can just snuggle down with that pet to listen to a podcast, to drift off, then there is at least that one good moment.
Don't think for a second I don't sympathize with the fact you have an incontinent pet. But I do think that Becky's idea is the one to try, last ditch effort. I remember my mother's last days. When she could no longer muster up the courage to be brave before us any longer. When it was all lost and she snapped even at me "Stop treating me like a NURSE" (I was one then). ONLY the soft fur of a visiting bunny at the care home.....................only that, her one finger moving through its fur. Only that, her last connection with every animal (of the 100s?) she had rescued, saved and loved....only THAT brought a smile to her face.
I suspect, for me, it will be the same. Let my finger trail through that fur. There is nothing of rational thinking in all of this. As you have observed, lordy, it's a mess.
I am just saying..................Put soil into my hands from my garden. Or let me trail my finger throug the fur of a pet. At the end.
Your mom shouldn't be staying home alone at all. She should have caregivers, and in that case, they'd let the dog out.
Since you and your husband work who is staying with mom while you are gone? You can't leave her alone...you brought her into your house because it was not safe for her to be alone in her house.
You have to hire caregiver that will care for mom while you are gone and the caregiver also cares for the dog.
OR
Mom is moved to Memory Care and someone is hired to care for the dog. The dog CAN be trained.
Or the dog is rehomed. But this option would probably send m om in a rapid decline.
They both work. They can’t stay with her.
Hopefully, they have hired caregivers to be with her.
The dog, I would not even have brought him to my house under these circumstances. Years ago I obtained a poodle a woman was abusing because he did his business in the house. I was told by a neighbor its because the owner never let him out when he needed to go. We had no problem with him. As soon as he started sniffing around, out he went. He got the idea. But, my Mom was home all day.
If you are leaving Mom alone, you may consider an aide while you work. One of her duties would be the dog. Maybe it can be retrained. I have also read that small dogs can be trained to a litter box.
The dog was the same, potty everywhere etc. Didnt like men and would bite at my husband. I had him for three weeks.
Or, doggie daycare. Both are going to be costly.
Some dogs love daycare, Others don’t. They will ask you to do a trial period first.
Also, don’t scold the dog. That will only make the situation worse. Use a reward system.
A general rule of thumb is to take your dog out when they wake up, after eating and before bedtime.
I doubt that your MIL would keep up with changing the dog’s diaper or deal with pee pads. Your MIL isn’t capable of trying to train her dog.
Honestly, the kindest thing you can do for her and the dog is to rehome the dog.
Some people buy dogs and cats that are made for dementia patients. Joy for All companion pets for seniors. They sell them on Amazon. I hope posters that have bought these toy pets for seniors will share their experiences with you.
There are also baby dolls for dementia patients. Some posters have said that their mothers have loved them. They are sold on Amazon.
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for the caregiver, it can't be onerous. If it were me, I'd be drawing the line at how much more work this dog adds to the caregiving, especially since you both have jobs.
When she is asleep is your opportunity to rehome the dog. When she wakes up and looks for the dog you can tell her its at the vet for required vaccinations. This is a therapeutic fib you tell in order to keep her calm. You may need to find a Yorkie rescue organization. If she keeps asks where the dog is you can tell her the vet needed to keep it overnight (for some reason). Or you tell her whatever keeps her peaceful.
We had a dog for 16 years. When she became 100% incontinent (plus other age-related issues) and wouldn't allow us to put a diaper on her, is when we put her to sleep. I'm not saying to euthanize her dog, just that for me the constant cleaning up of dog waste (even a small dog) was the deal-breaker.