Mother has dementia. Circumstances escalating. Doctors, behavioral health therapist, in-home care agree she is incapable of managing affairs; Elder Law attorney advises I need to go to court to validate DPOA (mom is insistent she won't give POA) so I can legally take over finances and need advice if I should take over medical affairs (both are in POA).
I instructed nursing care group to get a new contract signed by my mother since I didn't legally have POA and don't want to be responsible for paying the bill if my mom somehow refuses to pay. Mom refused the care and won't sign any new contract. So at this point; we have been a week without nursing care; my mom is not communicating with me.
I phoned her primary care doctor to let him know what is going on. He said this is unfortunate; but there isn't anything that can be done short of taking her in a straightjacket against her will (even though she has dementia) as she does have some adult rights and legally I don't have POA. He said that we will have to wait until she wants help or unfortunately until something bad happens. Thats where we are. I don't like the idea of her being alone, or starving to death or not taking meds but can't keep having police calls once a week; CNAs being locked out; yelled out, and worse. Truly, mom doesn't want to live anymore. I wish you could have her wish because living like this is hell for her I'm sure.
I could go to court and probably make a case; but know this will be another several thousand dollars to do so not including time/mental stress. And to what end? Right now, I'm taking Dr's advice and letting her be until the next crisis. I will try to get meals on wheels set up for her in the meantime. (Tried this before and she refused them).
Most DPOAs are not springing because most "good" lawyers know that the "springing" ones are too hard to use. The reason you have to go to court is because someone has to rule your mother incompetent. With a Durable Power of Attorney, you should be able to use it the moment it is signed and needed.
Good luck with getting this changed, have been fighting with my mother for five years just to get her to name me as alternate on her DPOA, just in case my brother dies and she is incompetent. Finally, in August, she did a new DPOA, named me alternate and spelled my name wrong. I was not invited to meet with her attorney, however, my brother was. Neither caught that they spelled my name wrong. She is yet to even speak to me about this and doesn't know I know she wanted my nephew on the DPOA instead of me. My brother said it was just an insult to me because I wanted to be alternate. She is very paranoid and has convinced herself I want her money. Not true. But you see, alot of us have difficult parents. Not easy. And my mother does not have dementia, just nasty.
The guardianship thing can be quite expensive. It is the last thing most people want to do but sometimes is necessary. Good luck to you.