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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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She's young, 64. Healthy. She can’t care for herself and she is rapidly progressing. Experts tell me she still can adapt to the move for assisted living now but the longer I wait the harder for her to adapt.
If she truly NEEDS to be in 24/7 care, it is not really possible to “prepare” her for her change of surroundings as you would if she were well. Attempting to explain too much about her future is apt to make her anxious about venturing into something unknown.
Before you go, ask the social services people at her new residence if they have an established plan for introducing new residents to their new quarters. Typically, a low key calm arrival is good. You will be asked to bring small pieces of furniture and some familiar decorations from home, so that she sees them as soon as she enters her quarters. You may be asked to limit your visit on the first day to a specified length of time, and not call attention to your departure. You may also be asked not to contact her for a few days, and not to visit. If she has a cell phone it may be best to leave it home.
The day she is to go, tell her that you and she are going to take a ride to a pleasant comfortable place where she’ll be able to enjoy pleasant things to do and a chance to meet some new people. Do your best not to call much attention to your departure.
It will be harder for you to leave her than it is for her, and she will do better if you can remain placid and calm. This will be a dramatic lifestyle change for you both, but you have lovingly made the best decision you could with her welfare in mind.
I'm sorry you are going through this, but if your wife can't care for herself then a care center is the best place for her.
You can tell her that she will be getting the care she needs and that you will visit often and that you love her.
At 64 she is young, and could live many more years. I would trust the experts and get her there sooner rather than later so she can settle in and eventually see the place as "home". You can still support her and be her advocate from home. Your wife will also be around others and have more socialization than she would get in a private home.
With a staff to care for her you won't burn out, and you can visit as a loving husband instead of being so burned out resentment builds.
I'm so sorry for the distress her condition is creating for you both. You don't mention what her issue is ALZ? If so maybe you can "transition" her by using adult day care for a while so she gets used to being in a separate place every day? Or, have you considered moving into a care community with her, where you would be in an independent living area and she will know you are near? Just some thoughts...May you receive peace in your hearts and much wisdom.
My Mom was passed the middle stage of Dementia when I placed her. I just told her she was moving to a nice apt where she would meet friends.
I would suggest that if you place her to talk to a lawyer well versed in Medicaid. You do not want to deplete your savings for her care. Medicaid allows for assets to be split. You become the Community Spouse. Your wife's split would be spent down and then you apply for Medicaid. I am just giving you the basics here, every State is different.
When you start looking at ALs, you may want to ask if Medicaid is excepted. In my State, you private pay for at least two years and then can apply for medicaid.
My one concern that hasn't been addressed here is that you're talking about assisted living. If she can't care for herself, assisted living may not be the right level of care for her. If her issue is memory-related, a memory care facility might be the better place for her than assisted living.
Please be sure you are placing her correctly so you can avoid another move that would be traumatic to both of you.
In Ohio most Assisted Living facilities have a wing dedicated to Memory Care. These residents are usually physically able but have dementia or other cognitive issues. This is a different type of facility than a nursing home where residents are usually physically debilitated. I have found that many SNF's don’t have Memory Care as the staffing needs re quite different.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Before you go, ask the social services people at her new residence if they have an established plan for introducing new residents to their new quarters. Typically, a low key calm arrival is good. You will be asked to bring small pieces of furniture and some familiar decorations from home, so that she sees them as soon as she enters her quarters. You may be asked to limit your visit on the first day to a specified length of time, and not call attention to your departure. You may also be asked not to contact her for a few days, and not to visit. If she has a cell phone it may be best to leave it home.
The day she is to go, tell her that you and she are going to take a ride to a pleasant comfortable place where she’ll be able to enjoy pleasant things to do and a chance to meet some new people. Do your best not to call much attention to your departure.
It will be harder for you to leave her than it is for her, and she will do better if you can remain placid and calm. This will be a dramatic lifestyle change for you both, but you have lovingly made the best decision you could with her welfare in mind.
You can tell her that she will be getting the care she needs and that you will visit often and that you love her.
At 64 she is young, and could live many more years. I would trust the experts and get her there sooner rather than later so she can settle in and eventually see the place as "home". You can still support her and be her advocate from home. Your wife will also be around others and have more socialization than she would get in a private home.
With a staff to care for her you won't burn out, and you can visit as a loving husband instead of being so burned out resentment builds.
Have you looked at any facilities yet?
I would suggest that if you place her to talk to a lawyer well versed in Medicaid. You do not want to deplete your savings for her care. Medicaid allows for assets to be split. You become the Community Spouse. Your wife's split would be spent down and then you apply for Medicaid. I am just giving you the basics here, every State is different.
When you start looking at ALs, you may want to ask if Medicaid is excepted. In my State, you private pay for at least two years and then can apply for medicaid.
Please be sure you are placing her correctly so you can avoid another move that would be traumatic to both of you.