What would APS do if I filed complaint against my sister?
Long story short is that my dad passed five days ago. He pre-paid for his funeral, picked out the funeral home, cremation, urn and burial plot. All of this is documented. Dad is still awaiting cremation however. Funeral home says they need mom to sign approval form for cremation.
Mom is in memory care, but doctor and director of nursing said she is not incompetent and still aware and is her own person. The ALF said BIL and sister have been asking the doctor to declare her incompetent. Once done, BIL said he will sign the approval form. The director of nursing told me the doctor is not comfortable doing that.
It seems BIL is holding dad’s burial hostage until he gets mom declared incompetent and becomes her conservator.
Six weeks ago sister had mom and dad change their POA to be only her. Previously she and I were joint POA. It seems there is enough evidence of elder abuse. I think BIL’s goal is to get to her estate.
I am not speaking to my sister or her husband directly, and we have been estranged for years. I just want my dad put to rest. I got the needed form from the funeral home myself. They said it needed mom to sign with a notary public as witness which I arranged yesterday and sent the form back to the funeral home. The DON at the ALF said she thought I did the right thing. She said she was thinking of calling APS herself. Hopefully , now dad’s wishes can be done now.
What would APS do if I filed a complaint? Would my sister know I was the one who filed it?
I also do not want to tangle with my sister and her husband over this because it would keep them in my life. She is out, and I want her to remain there.
As long as dad gets buried, I am Letting Go and Letting God.
Thanks.
I am uncertain why that matters at this point.
Go ahead and present your case and your proof to an APS officer. Ask that you remain anonymous. They will help you decide if there is a case, as can any elder law attorney give you solid advice.
By the way, if the DON at the ECF said what she said to you, ask her if she will meet with APS with you.
You did good, if that was all it took to get Dad buried it was stupid to hold everything up. Don't call APS. You are probably all ready in hot water.
Last year I was within seconds of calling APS on my brother, for neglecting my nephews health issues.
I was sitting staring at the number, when my nephews mother, finally called me back and took my nephew home with him.
It was so traumatic for me, to think I actually could end up getting my brother arrested, because he was choosing prayer instead of medical intervention.
After it was over I just collapsed for days. The emotional trauma was so horrible. But if I did call I have no doubt it would of been the right thing.
So I do know a little of what your going through.
As for my brother, we didn't talk for a year, then he got covid, and guess who had to take him every thing he needed daily.
It's hard I get it. But if you feel it's just, then you need to do it
Since your Mom is being cared for in Memory Care, please note such places are expensive each month. Where my Dad was staying is probably now $10k per month, thus $120,000 per year. And if your Mom is doing well, she could spend the next 5 to 10 years in Memory Care, which could be the value of her whole estate. Thus, no estate for BIL to get. Hopefully Mom has her own Will.