He immediately mentions something he wants me to do that's stressful right after a stressful event. He doesn't mean immediately but just the thought of it makes me stressed.. Or just finish stressful event and he says something that gets me stressed again. I don't get a break from the stress.
I don't know how mentally impaired your husband is. If he has no empathy left, explaining something or yelling at him won't work. It will just make you feel worse. If he asks you to do something, you can always defer it until later.
Hadnuff, have you thought about hiring someone to come in for a few hours a day? It sounds like you need some help dealing with things around there. If you can afford it, I would definitely look into it.
If this is his personality, you know better than we how to deal with it after x years of marriage.
And you know that you have to learn to control your stress. If you allow these comments and events to stress you out, you'll have to figure out now to let them affect you. Are you still getting therapy, as recommended several posts ago? Perhaps your therapist can give you some advice on handling the husband-induced stress.
Barbara, from the many posts you've written on the stresses in your life, I think it would help to learn how to let some of these comments and issues just "roll off your back" and not let them get to you. I write that with concern, not as a criticism.
After a time, he was able to explain that he keeps a mental to-do list. When an item is crossed out, or seems to be taking too long to accomplish, he feels stressed. Hence, when one especially stressful item gets checked off the list, his mind (and mouth) *will* immediately move to the very next one.
Another thing he'll sometimes do is obsess about the next task while we're hip-deep in a current one, during a time in which we cannot handle both at once.
Having items on the list stresses him out, regardless of what each task entails (at times, he is not fully aware of complexities). Meanwhile, I'm stressed out about the number, urgency or complexity of certain tasks. Also, we each keep different lists. Our mindsets just do not match.
I still get ill-timed reminders, but he is better than he once was, and I put that down to communication. Heck, perhaps the yelling helped to alert him to the fact that, yes, there is a problem.
Everyone's post-stroke deficits and abilities vary. For each person, some things resolve more easily than others. For us, communication has been the key to many things - though I understand that it is not always possible. I truly hope you find a solution that works for you.
Oh how I wished I would have taken my doctors advice many years ago. Otherwise you will crash and burn from the stress, then who would help you?