My "significant other", Howard, and I have been living together in Louisiana (no common-law) for 38 years. He is 86 years old and in poor physical and mental health (early, undiagnosed, dementia). I am 75 years old with no children. I am his sole caregiver and have resigned myself to care for him until I lo longer can safely. His children care only when it is convenient for them and they only rarely visit. Howard is not bothered by this because he says they all have their own lives. Initiative is not a word any of them are familiar with and they only help if specifically asked for assistance..
Howard retired from the Navy with 20+ years of service. We are not legally married. As a matter of fact, he is still legally married to the mother of his four very adult children. He has great health insurance and neither he nor his kids want him to get a divorce because she might lose those health benefits. Three years ago, I tried to apply for VA health benefits for him, he was denied because I used his wife's annual income on the application under the household income question. His PoA (financial) son had given me the income number after getting the info from his mother. The number he gave me and what the government had on record did not match. Thus the denial.
We need to reapply to the VA due to the hardship that his health issues has created. I have worked hard all my life, own everything including the house and its contents outright. He owns his car and a couple of pieces of furniture. He has a Navy pension, social security and a small amount of savings. Our finances have been completely separate for all of the years that we have been together. I do not intend to tie us financially together now and jeopardize my future for his "other family". When the VA asks for household income what are they specifically asking for? The VA people that I have talked to are very friendly but none of them can tell me what I need to do so as not to affect my financial interests. Since I have no interest in being legally married to him, I don't care if he is still married to the wife in name only.
Any help or information would be greatly appreciated.
https://vetsguardian.com/
If you go online to research this you get (among other answers) this:
"What does VA count as income for health care income limits?
We count last year’s income from everyone in your household. Your household includes you, your spouse, and your dependents if you have them. We count these 3 types of income:
Gross income from any jobs (before subtracting taxes and any deductions)
Net annual income from a farm, property, or business (after subtracting taxes and any deductions)
Some other sources of income that don’t come from a job
Gross income includes any of these income sources, and etc"
The results of being separated from a wife without LEGAL separation, and living with someone else leaves ALL of you in the muddy waters of uncertainty, and leaves YOU, especially, without benefits if anything happens to your vet. If Howard is no longer competent it is too late for him to work for legal separations. I sure wish you good luck. His wife's income is really of no use to him, so I hope it doesn't count. If you are not POA or Guardian for this gentleman, who now has dementia, I would call APS and ask how he can become ward of the state. This is going to be an awful lot to handle.
Does he file joint with ex wife?
They can help complete paperwork and possibly research any other services he may be entitled to.
And the possibility of YOU getting paid to care for the Veteran.
There is no fee for the services that the Veterans Assistance Commission does.
I do agree with the others that if you have kept finances separate and do not file joint tax returns then I would think that it is his income alone that would be counted.
In the past this has all worked well, but it isn’t working well now. Perhaps he needs to divorce his legal wife? Then he can apply for his entitlements based on only his income? Long-gone wife has done very well out of this fiction in the past, as have the adult children. Perhaps it’s now their turn to confront financial reality? Or perhaps he makes it clear that long-gone wife is NOT part of the ‘household’. Or perhaps he moves out while he applies for his entitlements as a sole household? Or perhaps long-gone wife and children-when -convenient stump up some funds to support their spouse and father, to make up for any benefits he can’t access? Or perhaps you and he say that this is your household – which would be the case where I am in Australia if your household expenses for food etc come out of the same ‘cookie jar’.
There comes a time when these strange arrangements no longer work! It’s probably time for a tricky lawyer to work out the next trick!
Since you are not financially tied, you are basically just filling out the paperwork for him.
I would be pulling the son into the situation. He has all of the information and should by applying for the benefits for his father.
615-912-3162
Any Veterans Service Organization will help with no charge. We use the Veterans Affairs Officer in a county building.
Don't waste time asking anyone who is not an authority. Get your info from the proper source to be sure you are providing the correct info up front on your application so as not having to appeal unnecessarily.
I hope you will report back to the forum someday to let us know!
And then contact the VA. My experience with the VA is mixed. I called the correct Dept re benefits only to be told to look up the information on the internet (he didn't have it). Personally, I would not rely on information provided by a manager or clerk in any dept at the VA. Get an attorney.
And, your significant other NEEDS to be diagnosed. Why hasn't this occurred? There are tax / legal ramifications that need to be considered with his medical diagnosis / abilities / cognitive functioning, and the time-years and the work you have done / do taking care of him. Without knowing the legalities, the bottom line is protecting yourself and your assets, and his.
Are you his POA?
Do you have legal authority to manage any of his affairs / finances?
Gena / Touch Matters
2nd, get him on the waiting list for a LTC VA residential complex. There is one in Gulfport. He puts himself on the list but you do what needed to help him do this. I’m pretty sure he needs his records, etc to do the list. So starting on this asap is best. Btw GPT complex is amazing and all freshy fresh as all done post Katrina from below the ground up to be State of the Art for geriatric residential living. The waiting list is first come first serve too so does NOT do the “officers first”. The list seems to move at a good clip as families get all wadded & worried about hurricanes happening so drop out. Personally I wouldn’t fret that, they have a plan as Keesler AFB and Stennis Space Ctr which all just as coastal are nearby with their plans.
3rd if he is not right now being seen at a VA healthcare center, and for all his healthcare, I’d try to do that if feasible. So all his health issues are 100% in VA system. No having to get records from a clinic or hospital not on the VA database system as it’s going to pose issues in info received timely and delay processing and care plan. If this is currently what happening, I’d try to get whatever MD he has at the VA to get all his records from all other clinics, etc. and then also do a referral to have his primary doc moved to one that is VA (if his primary is not currently VA).
Also imo you have to get him to do HIPPA & DPOA & MPOA for you, and if he goes to GPT to live get it all done for MS as well. ((MS law requires PoA to be recorded at the courthouse although many do not. And fwiw the better NOLA law firms have attys holding LA & MS licensed as many clients have camps or 2nd homes in MS but live / work in NOLA / Northshore so easily do paperwork to fit each States filings.))