My dad passed in 2021, and my mom (76 in a couple of weeks) has medical concerns, so she moved in with her sister and brother-in-law to be closer to better medical care, etc. They are a few years younger than her, but the entire household is in the 70's range. They were renting, and their landlord sold the property, and the new owners more than doubled their rent. Between my cousins, my sisters, and I (a total of 7 of us plus partners), we agreed that we should help our parents buy a place. Because our folks all have poor credit history, and I live closest, and am the most financially stable of the lot, it fell on my wife and I to take out a loan. (We fully owned our own property, and mortgaged it to get the funds to buy a place outright - but now owe money on our own home again). My siblings and cousins agreed to contribute, but I haven't received any aid, and have had to pay taxes on their property for the past three years, on top of our own mortgage payments. The three are responsible for their own utilities, and everything they want done with the house, but they haven't paid anything in the way of rent or property taxes. I've tried subtly mentioning it, we set up a joint account they could put money into periodically (they haven't), I've asked point blank if they could (at least) pay the property tax, and was assured they 'probably could' but then it didn't get paid... Also my mom still owns a house in a third town which much of her social security check goes to - whole different issue, it's full of stuff, but her mortgage company has closed it off due to a flooding/mold concern, and I don't really have any oversight over what's going on there, other than it's sitting and growing older - theoretically when she sells it, much of my wife and my initial outlay should be paid back, and my mom's payment would then go to the remaining mortgage, but I doubt it will recover as much as we're paying on the other house.
I don't know the best way to broach this issue. I love my mom, I love my aunt and uncle, and my family and I aren't struggling, per se, but we are paying around $2200 a month extra that we shouldn't be. Being in the 70 range, they all have medical issues, which takes a lot of their financial focus, but still, they should be able to pay, even, $200/mo for the annual taxes.I do look at it as, in one sense, an investment - because at the end of the day, we own this property, and we could sell it when it is no longer needed and reclaim the money we've paid into it... I also look at it as an emotional investment into my own future - as my kids see how important it is to care for our elders. But my wife particularly feels as though I'm letting my aunt and uncle and mom take advantage of me/us, and it does cause the stress of not taking care of issues in my own home because I don't have the extra funds due to paying for their home.
I guess mostly I'm looking for ideas here, (and apparently to vent a bit), because I'm not going to evict them, and if it has to keep on the way it has been, so be it. I would like to not do all the paying though. I've even considered seeing if I can claim them on my own taxes as dependents, since I suspect our contribution to their household is greater than their own, but I haven't talked with anyone about it. Additionally, being military, if they were my dependents, I could likely add them to my medical care, which might make things easier all around... I don't know... thoughts?
Help your mother apply for low-income senior housing. Tell the rest of the family that the others need to do the same because as soon as your mother is accepted and has a place, you will be selling the house that they live in. Your cousins have the responsibility of finding a place for their parents. Maybe it will be with your mother, maybe not. But your only interest is getting your mother placed somewhere and getting the house sold so that you can pay down your mortgage, which is the only fair thing to do for your wife. Her peace of mind about your joint financial situation takes priority over all of these dithering extended family members.
Insist that your mother give you her POA and lets you take over her finances. Then sell her house as-is. If you're lucky she'll have some equity; if not, at least she'll no longer have mortgage payments for a property no one is using. When you meet with the lawyer to draft the POA, ask how to handle any money received from the home sale, and your mother's income, which you will now be controlling for her benefit, to avoid a gifting penalty should she need Medicaid to pay for long-term care in the future (which seems like a significant possibility).
I'm sorry your very good intentions of helping were so wrecked by all these people. But the reality is, none of them has financial sense, and all you can do right now is extricate yourself from this situation. Let us know how things go.
You are getting used by a bunch of deadbeats, relatives or not. If they cared about you, they would get their wallets out, and they should be ashamed of themselves.
DO THE MATH: $2,200 x 12 Mos. = $26,400 a year
I bet that's close to what each one gets from Social Security! Except they get to keep it, since you are paying their way!
You are teaching your kids that LIFE IS A FREE RIDE! That nice, generous people get taken advantage of. They may never want a career or good job if they think they will have to support the deadbeat family elders later on!
I'm guessing this deal was never written up into any formal agreement either. If it wasn't, nothing is legal. I would see a lawyer (with some of your extra money you are throwing around) to protect yourself and your own family from these vultures. TEACH YOUR KIDS THAT WHO PAYS MAKES THE RULES.
Your own family should come FIRST. You paid for it all, so YOU RUN THE SHOW.
DO NOT make these deadbeats your dependents, They will claim themselves and you will get audited and screwed. DO NOT arrange for medical care for them, they already have MEDICARE! They have you totally snowed, since under 40s don't have a clue about Medicare.
Bottom line, you are being totally used and should be focused on your own family as your priority, just like these deadbeats are doing. Focusing on their selfish lives of blowing it with money. Don't be the clueless kid who now pays their way! I'm a Colonels daughter and my Dad would never allow anything like this to happen, much less agree to any of it.
What is the plan if something happens to you? Who pays everyone's way then?
SEE A LAWYER and get a written agreement done. Sorry my thoughts sound harsh, but you need to snap out of it and protect your money and credit rating. Being Mr. Nice Guy with the Money is going to be very expensive. Hints don't work, you have to stand up and be a man.
Remember...the one who pays makes the rules. You can't be that gullible, or they will drain you dry within 5 years. Seven relatives/spouses cooked up this stupid idea? None can hand over $200? You better see a lawyer before you are totally screwed....or divorced.
She's probably receiving Medicare. You can't add her to your military medical unless she is literally a dependent. Even then and being on Medicare, her coverage will be limited.
Next: they have a habit of being deadbeats hence their bad credit history. You keep expecting them to be someone they never were, aren't now and never will be. You are an enabler, which is NOT something I'd want to model for my kids. You don't like "uncomfortable conversations" but in doing so you are prioritizing your parents over your wife and I'd be upset, too, if I were her.
Your Mom owns a home that apparently she hoarded. Hoarding is a mental disorder. Is she hoarding the house she's in now? So she hoarded and ruined her first house and now you've moved her into a fresh one so she can ruin it too without any accountability whatsoever? Do you see the enabling and Rescuing?
You MUST have everyone living in that house pay rent every month, even if it means setting up auto pay from their bank accounts, even if it means they are temporarily upset with you. Then, take yourself to a financial professional who will show you the hot mess unfolding and that the future utopia you're imagining isn't going to happen the way it's set up right now. You're the one who needs to change since you can't control other people.
My 97-yr old Mom lives in the house next to us, which we now own. Half of her SS income goes to covering the property taxes, insurance, utilities and some maintenance/repair. It is far less expensive than her renting an apartment. I don't profit from my Mom's contribution, it's pass-through.
Your Mom needs to sell her other house and use that money to pay you rent. Your other relatives need to pay rent. I give my Mom an actual rent invoice so she sees where her rent money is covering.
Many marriages break apart due to financial pressures. You need to listen to your wife and stop enabling your leechy relatives. Your wife and kids are your #1 priority, not your hoarding Mom and her entourage.
If you want to set an example to you children about caregiving please set the example that decisions can not be made from heartstrings of the obligation of taking care of elders at the expense of your own mental and financial wellbeing.
You may have to sit them all down and tell them they need to contribute to the mortgage payment. You did them a favor. They should be paying at least what they were at the last place.
One more thing. As the owner, you are legally responsible for maintaining the property safely, especially with no lease that requires that the tenants keep things up. If anyone is injured due to a safety issue, you will be liable. Along with the expense, this could be detrimental to your career, if it's something public that garners attention, like a fire because no one changed the batteries in the smoke detectors, or tore them out because they didn't like the noise. Just extract yourself as soon as possible from this situation.
People who don't handle money do not need access to it. If anything, you open a new separate account for YOU, to put any money you ever get (don't count on it) in it to reimburse YOURSELF.
These grifters shouldn't have access to any money that should be going directly to YOU., I can see them all getting a DebIt Card with this account, which will be a disaster!
Sorry you are stuck with this mess. Get a lawyer to explain to you why this was a terrible idea. You've gotten good advice here from others regarding liability, insurance and other possible problems.
You're very kind to help your parents, but this is so far out of hand that you have financial issues of your own, whereas you didn't before. That's terrible. Especially since mom has another house that she owns and needs to do something about. You need to demand to know what is going on with it. And since it's full of mold, who on earth do you think would buy it so you could get a share of the proceeds? Mold remediation is available and if you expect to get any sort of money out of that building , you should look into it. Yet mold remediation may not be enough. Would it get repossessed? Torn down? Plus I'd wager that there is no will bequeathing that house to you. You need to find out and decide if you even want it. The best plan might be for mold remediation and then they all move into mom's house. I can't imagine why that didn't happen in the first place.
These people are grifters taking advantage of you. They can only do that if you let them. I don't understand why you would let them.