Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
1 2 3
LavenderBear: In response to your query, as I had to live out of state and in with my late elderly mother in her home while an elder myself, I moved back to my home. I also was faced with marketing and selling my mother's house. You are not stupid.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I have often fantasized about selling our home once my LO passes. I don’t have any family to hold me here and very few friends anymore. I even check out houses in cities I think I might like to live in. Then I think about the positives and negative’s of moving. Like you, I like my home, neighbors and community. I could use a little less rain, but overall we have beautiful springs, summers and fall.
So far I haven’t found any true compelling reasons to leave. I’m not going to make any major changes to my house in the meantime, other than maintenance.
Since I really won’t know how I feel until the time comes, I’ll keep this on the back burner and hope that I don’t make any hasty decisions until I know it’s the best thing for me to do.
Good luck with whatever decision you make!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Your memories go with you, no matter where you go. They will pop up at unexpected times and places. The only thing that can change is your interpretation of them. Remember that you did the best you knew to do at the time and under those particular circumstances. You could not and cannot control what others do and say. You have learned a lot from every experience you've had.

Often a new location will bring you new opportunities. You already seem to have formed a mental picture of the life you would like to lead. Start researching a place you might like to live. Make a list of things you might like to do. Check into what's available for you and your dog. Sure, a move is a lot of trouble, but you do it in stages. It can give you something to look forward to. Who knows what exciting things may be waiting? Better to anticipate the future than to be weighed down by the past.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Be sure the person who stays with you when you are alone allows herself to try and enjoy life. Seek out situations and people who support that, support groups, therapists, a new church group, or activity. When you are a full time caregiver you may not make time to practice the skill of enjoying life. Consciously force yourself into those situations. If the situation is truly killing you, and I believe it can, change it. Don't wait for someone to die to give yourself permission. That person may be you.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I totally understand what you are asking. It is similar for me. My mom, and youngest live with me and we get along fairly well nowadays, but there are times....

I have thought about doing exactly the same as you describe. On the other hand, this was my house to begin with and it was "my dream house", needs work done, but a great location, great neighbors, a quiet neighborhood, love my backyard with all it's trees, etc.

So what I have been doing is dreaming/actively planning fixing up the spare room into a specially purposed room, into a "creative" room, where I'd like in the future when I'm alone to try my hand at writing, maybe even a craft or two, learn to play my piano better, etc. There's a certain atmosphere/look I want to create.

I'm also actively trying to change my bedroom around decorate it, will need to paint.

I spend hours looking online and some shopping and when I'm ready, I already have wallpaper chosen, ready to order, and start creating that spare room.

On the other hand, I do have thoughts of moving to a location like you described. But I would truly consider selling everything here, and just pack a few suitcases and a few special items and "start over"... it's an awesome "freeing" feeling.

I've always felt like daydreaming helps. And now, I am just simply changing some of the daydreams into something concrete.

You'll have to stay in touch with me! We could compare notes along our journeys :)
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

The memories - the good and the bad - are a part of you. No matter where you go, what you do, they will always be there. You cannot erase them or get rid of them (unless you have cognitive condition). What you can do is turn them into a source of strength and wisdom - finding new strengths from the hardships you have gone through. And then start creating new memories. Your memories.

You don't have to go through all the expense and energy of physically moving - in today's world, that can be quite costly and not always with the results you anticipated. Join new groups - be it via Meetup or at the local library. Go explore new parts of your community. Volunteer with a a cause that you have a huge calling towards. Go do new things that you have never done before. Change YOUR looks - lavender colored pixie cut hair maybe? And because your home is your 'home base', start redoing it, refreshing it, changing it. Repaint new colors, rearrange the furniture or get some new pieces. Hang new artwork on the walls - even pix from your new activities. New throwrugs and throw pillows. Add new things in the yard-new plants, shrubs, potted plants, outdoor furniture pieces.

If you keep looking at the 'old' you will keep seeing the old. If you start looking at 'new', you can start seeing 'new'. As you start making new memories, your older ones will not become as prominent. Yes, they will be there, but they won't be the sole focus anymore.

This isn't something that will all happen overnight or in a week or two. It is a slower process, but one where you can find the results you want. Just be patient and kind to yourself.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Its not an answer but Thank you for bringing topic up. I'm debating what to do in the future. I'm looking after my dad 24/7. Bad & good memories in this house we live in. I moved in my parents house with my daughter as we had to leave her dad. My mum fell ill & ended up in a home for 9 years. In that time bit by bit I helped dad change the colours & decor of the house. He then filled it with antiques everywhere. It started to get cluttered etc. My dad had a fall & has vascular dementia. Can't walk so hes bed bound. We have sold quite a few antiques to pay for his care. I've had to clear his room( downstairs the living room ) for carers to come in so it's half clinical & half has a few pictures & plants in window etc. I have changed it bit by bit over time. I try to keep everything as it is for him to still know & recognise it as home. I'm hoping to just clear off in the future as I have a sister who hasnt been very nice & bad memories so I'm just going to clear stuff & get away from it all. It won't be over night. Realistically it will take time. It will be painful & I dread it. I'm enjoying time with dad for now
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Have the house blessed, burn your sage and downsize as much as you are able. Clear way for future options that might include moving …or not. You can make small improvements that will refresh the house you bought and restore your visions. I got rid of a dining room suit and hutch we had for fifty years and I don’t miss it. I spent a lot of time looking for a second hand smaller dining table and got just the one I wanted. Due to our next move, I had to give up the smaller table and chairs:( I miss it 😢 BUT the idea that I have a new project of finding a few “new” pieces restores my hope. Hope, IMHO, is what will tide you through.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Bless your heart for everything you do. It’s not wrong to day dream about tomorrow.
In my case, I lived with my Mom and Dad in our own little paradise.
However, when they were both gone, it was time for me to move on.
I have never regretted it. I could always look back and bring back the beautiful memories. But, in my own little cottage I have built my own memories.
I took very little, but I did save some things as memories. Everything else I gave away to friends who wanted mementoes.
I started over with “ new” things that were all hand me downs from other friends.
All the memories were good, but at age 50, for the first time in my life, I wanted to be me. I wanted to feel like, if I wanted to roast marshmallows on the kitchen range, it was up to me. If I wanted to paint it pink, it was my decision.
Honey, chances are your day will come.
And when it does, you can feel very proud of having done what you are doing now. Make a new life. Start over. Bring what you want and don’t worry about walking away from what is over.
Caregiving is often called thankless and, it can seems that way.
But there is One who sees all. And you are storing up your treasures in heaven.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
bundleofjoy Mar 2022
hug!! :)
(0)
Report
1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter