Hey guys, My mother has developed early onset Alzheimer's and is in a memory care area of a nursing home. She previously had a wonderful roommate that relocated. Prior to the NH moving in someone new with my mom, I noticed a new resident that was very disruptive, constantly talking disturbing everyone at the tables and even aggravating the nurses and aides. Once I noticed this, I immediately called the social worker to ask her who would move in with my mom because I had a strong feeling it was going to be her. Well of course it was and I practically begged her to not move the woman in with my mom because I foresaw a serious problem.
Now that they went forward with moving the resident in with my mom, just as expected, she has become a great nuisance! Her new roommate is physically harassing her nightly, attempting to get in the bed with my mom, talks constantly, wakes my mother up nightly and my mother can not get any rest, demanding my mother listens and talks to her as she repeats the same three life stories, adding to her agitation! There are other residents there that would be more suitable and are in the same stage or similar as my mom they could consider. The social worker told me it's their "policy" since I'm the one complaining, that my mother has to be moved, that the other family is not the one with the "issue". With her saying this, I take it as her blaming the victim being harassed and not doing something about the harassing resident. This resident was transferred from other places with similar complaints it's rumored. I would have no problem with moving my mom to another room except, my mother has made TREMENDOUS improvement from the time she was first admitted. She knows where her room is, has adjusted very well to her room, knows where all of her things are, and flat out told me she likes her room. From what I've read, if there is progress in the behavior of a dementia patient receiving rehab/memory care, interrupting the routine can cause agitation and possibly cause my mother's progress to deplete. I expressed all of this to the social worker, but she was quite condescending and didn't seem to care. I want to be peaceable but I feel it's quite unfair my mother has to move when she is the one being harassed and I attempted to be proactive PRIOR to them moving in the other resident.
I understand they have limited space and can only do so much with the residents they have, the problem is, they have made no effort to even consider my concern! Everyone, including a couple of the nurses that see this behavior from my mothers roommate and see how it's affecting her, even my legal advisor is saying my mother has rights and it may be a good idea to file a complaint with the state since the nursing home seems ok with the harassment and ok with my mother's progression being hindered.
I'm not sure what to do. Has anyone ever had issues with roommates and it resolved in your favor? Did you contact the state, if so what were the results?
Thanks for your help in advance!
If you are going to make a formal complaint, it might be worth making a few inquiries about past history. How many times has Ms Difficult moved? How many times have other people been moved away from her? When the other resident has moved, does Ms Difficult stay in the same room or is it vacated?
I saw one practice that you might want to check. Some nursing home rooms are nicer than others, and are attractive to show to a prospective new resident. After they have settled in, it is in the nursing home’s interest to shift them out of the ‘nice’ room, to attract yet another new resident. A difficult room-mate can help to clear out the room - even if it is just for a convenient re-paint!
This ‘history’ information may be hard to find out. However even the suspicion that this is a conscious system by the nursing home will raise more questions for the complaint.
In the facility where my Mom lives, the disruptive patients are usually asked to find another facility or their family is required to place them in a single-occupancy room (more expensive than double occupancy) where they will not expose other residents to their threatening behavior.
Additionally, it is untrue that "some day your mother will be exhibiting those same behaviors or worse". Some do, some don't. My Mom is final- stage Alzheimers, and while she has run the gamut of emotions and behaviors, she has NEVER become disruptive to the facility or its other residents.
The type of behavior that is being attributed to eager4paradise's Mom's roommate should be handled first with a change of room assignment (for HER), and then (quickly) with appropriately prescribed medications.
And finally, the answer to "how will you feel if the SNF wants to evict" your Mom if she behaves in such a manner, should be: Most people would take care of this situation regarding their loved one with a visit to a competent elder care doctor as soon as this behavior began. If her family has not done that or refuses to do so, then I have no sympathy for them when they are faced with her eviction. Any form of abuse, even from someone unable on their own to control their impulses, is unacceptable and should not be tolerated.
I was a professional Ombudsman for over 17 years. Roommate issues was a common complaint I would receive and get involved with. Here's my recommendation:
Tell the home that you are aware of the regulations and that you know your mom has a right to a compatible roommate under Federal Law.
Remind them that you requested that this resident not be moved in with your mom prior to the move because you knew they would not be compatible.
Have a list prepared to give the home with all the issues your mom is having with this roommate.
If they tell you that a move can be made but your mom will be the one moving remind them that at this time your mom knows where her room is and is able to find her room, if a move is made you feel like your mom will never learn how to get to and from her new room.
I would also suggest you call your local Ombudsman Office a file a complaint. The Ombudsman can help you resolve this issue! (Ombudsman are Federally mandated advocates for nursing home residents and their families, there is no cost for their service.)
If the home continues on insisting that your mom be moved tell them that you are going to contact the State and file a formal complaint. If the Ombudsman are involved and they are not able to get the home to honor your mom's rights then often times they (the Ombudsman) will call the State and file the complaint on her behalf.
Complain to absolutely anyone who will listen. And if your state or county's website directs you to a central office for this purpose, go right ahead.
Also, either your mother or Medicaid is paying good money for this facility, with whom there is a contract for the provision of safe accommodation to whatever specifications were agreed. The constant presence of a harassing threat is a significant loss of amenity, which you can equate to whatever %age of the money being paid, and a risk to her wellbeing, which you can quantify any way you like. Directors and managers often start paying attention all of a sudden when you say "money."
Speaking of which. I wonder how much they ALF is being paid to handle this problem lady, and by whom? Not that anyone's going to tell you, but it'd be interesting to know.
Yes, the ALF needs to solve this issue without causing further distress and needless disruption to a dementia sufferer's routine. Stuff their policy!* Last in first out, I'd say! Go as nuclear as you need to but don't take your eyes off the prize.
*"We move the complainer," what's more, is a policy clearly designed to deter complaints. And if there isn't a law or at least a regulation to stop ALFs doing that I will be very, very surprised.
If the room mate is not moved immediately, send a copy of your complaint to the Ombudsman, to the State Attorney General and to the State Insurance Commission (if your mom's NH stay is being covered in any part by insurance).
When my mom's NH room mate started banging a glass bottle on her bed table and making threats, I made just the complaint, in writing, that I've outlined above. I wrote the email at 6 AM. The room mate was moved by 10 AM.
Don't be NICE about this.