Where should I put Mom? She's being discharged in two weeks.
My mother is being discharged from rehab/nursing center in two weeks time. I'm the healthcare POA, although I don't want to be. My sisters and my mother are expecting me to find 24 hr. in-home care for her at an affordable price. I've called and it's going to cost $205 per day. My brother wants her to stay at a facility because her money will last longer and her home isn't set up for a disabled person. If I do what my mother and sisters wants, Mother's money will be gone in a little over a year and she'll probably end up in a bad nursing home. So now that my sisters have found out how much it costs, they say mother can stay by herself during the day. She's 90, has dementia, and balance problems, etc. Previously, we had all agreed she would NEVER live alone again, but they're back off that now.
I'm the youngest, and the most stupid one in the family, so why am I having to make these decisions alone and try to please everyone? I thought the folks at the rehab center would help, but the "Discharge Care Plan" meeting is only going to last 15 to 30 minutes. That's not enough time for them to help me figure out what's best for money.
I'm all alone in this and don't know where to turn or what to do. I need help making these decisions and no one agrees about anything and no one will help.
For mother to go home to live alone is NOT in her best interest.
So you need to start looking for a facility for her. Her money will not last forever there, either, so look ahead to when the money runs out. Some places will convert a resident from private pay to Medicaid if the resident has been private-pay for a certain length of time. Some will not accept Medicaid at all, and Mother would have to leave when she runs out of money. As you are exploring places, find this out right up front.
Make an appointment with the rehab's social worker now, before the discharge meeting. He or she can give you information about what is available in your community.
Does Mom need skilled nursing care? Is she a wandering risk? Does she ever have violent behavior? You'll want to look at places that provide the level of care she needs.
Two weeks may not be enough time to find a suitable place with an opening. Ask the social worker what you can do on a temporary basis. Mom could go home with the 24-hour care until a place opens up, but I think it would be much easier on her if she doesn't go back home.
A social worker at a rehab place should also be able to give you information about veteran benefits, Medicaid, and any other programs Mother might be eligible for.
I don't know what your level of education is compared to your siblings, but you are definitely not the "dumb" one! Your mother appointed you to this position confident that you would do what is right for her. Your older sibs may have a history of expecting to tell you what to do. Be friendly but firm. It is your responsibility to make these decisions. You can listen to their input, but then you have to do what you determine is best for Mother. I'm sure you can do it!
One more thing. There is a book you might find at your library entitled, "Nursing Homes and Assisted Living: The family's guide to making decisions and getting good care" by Peter Silin. There's some good info in that. Good luck.