It could be days, it could be months, but she has very little muscles left from wasting. I feed her one little bite at a time, she has no pain, and through her dementia she loves me still. I need to know the right thing to do so when the time comes I can grieve and make the right decisions.
Have you looked into Hospice?
In the end, it didn't work out that way. When the time came, I called hospice. Hospice told me to call 911. That led to the flashing light and sirens response. In fact, the first unit to show up was the police. Then the paramedics a couple of minutes later. Shortly after the paramedics arrived, hospice called us back and asked if the paramedics were here yet. I said they were, they asked me to ask the paramedics to declare a time of death. They did. Shortly thereafter they left. The police stayed around another 15 minutes to confirm identity and then they left. A few hours later a hospice nurse came over to call the funeral home and help me prep the body for transport. TBH, I could have called the funeral home myself and I declined the help in prepping the body. A few hours after that, the funeral home came and took the body.
In the end, I don't see how it helped to be on hospice for handling the death. I had to call 911 anyways. There was no police investigation and no coroner. For the $6,000 hospice billed medicare each month, the only real benefit we got was a box of diapers and wipes a week. I took care of everything else. We didn't even need any of the equipment since I bought all that, like the hospital bed, 3 years earlier out of pocket. I know other people have ongoing conditions that require the hospice medical team to be hands on, we did not. Next time, I'll forego hospice unless there is a medical condition that needs a high level of support. Since for the actual death, I don't see a benefit. Our GP could have issued the death certificate and he already did issue us the POLST form. Looking back, he tried to tell us all that when we asked for a hospice referral.
Ask them about this very scenario.
In NY -where I live- if a doctor will "sign off" on a death certificate, you can contact their office once she's passed, and just contact whichever funeral home you wish to use. You will likely need a DNR to show the EMT's if they are called to the scene. But your mom's doctor's will be able to give you instructions on what to do.
However, as already posted here, if you enroll mom in hospice, they will make it as easy as it can be for you; plus you will be able to avail yourself of their grief counseling services should you need them.
My deepest sympathies. A parent's death is never an easy thing to deal with, regardless of individual circumstances. (((Hugs)))
As suggested, maybe you should call the non-emergency number in your County and find out their procedures. If you want no hassle, get Hospice in.
There were three cremation providers with whom a talked. One offered a very low price, but a background check raised too many questions. The second was the most expensive but insisted on including in their “standard basic package” many items that we didn’t want or need. This company insisted that I would need to purchase a “travel policy” for $569 in case I died more than 75 miles from my home. The second company also gave me incorrect information about the costs of the third company.
The 3rd company’s price was less expensive than the 2nd company and did not charge for cost of moving my body if I die away from home. (it helps to work with a company that has crematoriums all over the country. They also didn’t throw into the price things we don’t want or need. (Planning guide, special urns, etc.) The 3rd company would sell us all the extras, but respected our choice about we don’t want or need.
When this planning is done “pre-need” it is less expensive and gives the family needed time to assess the options. It is not free - depending on where you live and what you want you can figure it will cost more than $2200. The 1st company stated it would cost $1600, but I was unable to verify their legitimacy.
One more thing. Double check what the refund policy is. If, for example, should my body be accepted by our local medical school some companies will say, “oh sure. Your loved ones will get the money pre-paid for the cremation back. One of the companies with whom I was negotiating admitted that less than half of what was prepaid would be refunded.
Finally, I hope you enjoy these negotiations as much as I have. I enjoy being able to keep my children from the expense and hassle these arrangements involve.
Luckily he had seen his doctor 3 days before death. and was recorded as needing hospice but refusing.
There was no suspicion of foul play but they were required to ask questions due to my Dad not being on hospice.
You need to know the procedure for YOUR AREA.
Do you yet have hospice help? You should avail yourself of that because their grief counselors, social workers, etc. can guide you to a good undertaker in your area easily and let you know/help you in notifications. They have information that is a great help for someone who understands they are now dealing with end of life issues. Please call your Mom's medical services today. Hospice care is 100% covered by medicare.
If you call 911, it will mean Police and a Coroner.
If your mom is under hospice when she dies, your first call is to the hospice nurse. Hospice will help you take it from there.
If your mom is not under hospice when she dies, your first call is to 911 to get the police and coroner to come out. They need to make sure there is no foul play when someone dies at home. Your second call is to mom's doctor, then the next call is to the funeral home to pick up the body.
If mom passes away at night, you can wait until morning to start calling.
I'm sorry for your impending loss.
I'd add that arranging for funeral services now - contacting the mortuary you wish to use, and prepaying for what you want to do - relieves you of making those decisions at the time. A hospice SW can help with this task.
If there's anyone who might like to say goodbye in private first, be sure to notify them as well. The hospice nurse happened to be in the building when my mom died, and she called me before she called the funeral home so I was able to get there first and sit with her for a bit. I gave the OK to call the funeral home when I was ready.
Be ready for them to take her once you call, because as soon as the paramedics or police arrive, it's all business with them. They'll be kind, but they won't wait around for you to be ready.
A paramedic can pronounce death, but in our state a doctor has to sign the death certificate. They'll transfer her remains to where this is done at the hospital. From there, the funeral home she and you have chosen will take them and proceed with the arrangements you have put into place.
It sounds like your aunt could be on hospice. If she isn’t, you might want to call a hospice and ask for an evaluation. You could also ask her doctor to send a hospice out. These days those in decline seem to qualify easier than in the past. It is a service paid by Medicare and provides a lot of support and comfort for the patient and the family. From what you posted it seems that you have things well in hand. Hospice does provide supplies in addition to help with baths and a nurses support.
If she does have hospice, then you would call the hospice and they would make the arrangements to have your moms body removed.
If it should happen before she is placed on hospice, you could call your local law enforcement and they will send the appropriate person to manage her transition.
States, counties, communities can have different protocols. I think I would call your funeral home or local law enforcement and ask for their guidance.
It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job caring for your mom.
If you don't want to involve hospice, then when your mom passes, call up the funeral home or cremation service that she's signed up for to come take her body. Hopefully those arrangements have already been made........if not, now is the time to make them, not after she passes when you'll already be stressed out and upset.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation