Hi there. When my mom was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer late last October, I left my home and family in TX to come and help her. She was unwilling to come to TX and stay with me. I knew this would be hard, but according to the doctors, mom had very little time left and I didn't want to add a moving crisis in the midst of this end of life crisis for her.
Mom's condition over the past 7 months has brought her to that end of life place, though at a much slower rate than the medical professionals anticipated. At this point she is bedridden (on a hospital bed in her own living room) with a catheter, and she's only able to move enough to turn in the bed. She doesn't eat, and she barely drinks. She's been like this for about 2 weeks.
She can see me and hear me... but when I speak to her she just stares at me most of the time. When her friends come, she may smile and say one or two words, but when I speak to her she just stares...almost like she's angry.
Sometimes when it's time to squirt the medicine in her mouth, she closes her mouth tightly so I can't squirt it in. She takes a slow release pain medicine (which she must have every 8 hours), an anti-anxiety (that I'll walk away without giving her if she closes her mouth to avoid taking it), and a breakthrough pain med that I only give her if she says something is hurting and there's a lot of time left before her regular pain med is due.
I can't understand it. For the past 7 months she's expressed love and appreciation toward me for being here to care for her so she can be in her own home. While she lies in the bed, in and out of sleep, I speak to her often, keep peaceful music on in the room, etc. But when I ask her a question, even an important question like "does anything hurt" when she moans...she just stares.
I'm heartbroken. I wish I could read her mind.
No matter what I said to her she would either just stare at me or look away.It had to do with her aphasia. She had trouble finding words and getting the right word to come out of her mouth.
She even quit echoing. Sometimes it would take her a few minutes to answer a question.
It sounds to me like your Mom is going thru a time of aphasia. You can try speech therapy but even that may not help.
I doubt that she is rejecting you as much as she no longer knows how or what to say.
A scan may show some damage to her brain in the area that contributes to speaking.
I would suggest that you just keep talking to her in a normal manner and continue to ensure her that you love her.
Just because she doesn't or can't talk does not mean that she cannot hear and understand what is being said.
I did notice that sometimes Luz would show or do some physical reaction to what I said or did. Like giving her a hug.
I wish you the best of luck with Mom.
This is the hardest trial of your life, it was for me. Thankfully you are not alone.
Just know that somewhere where in there is still your Mom. Though she can no longer articulate her thought, know she appreciates you there.
*hugs*.
I agree, if you don't have Hospice involved you may want to. They will make sure Mom is kept comfortable.
Thank you all again. You are a blessing.
He knew Mum loved him and he loved her, so he did not expend the energy.
Your Mum Is communicating by letting you know she does not want the medication when she shuts her lips. Tell her you understand that she is saying ‘no’ and you will ask again later. Tell her you do not want her to be uncomfortable and will offer it again later.
You know all you did for her. So does she. She is going now on a journey you cannot take with her. Give her your full support and love to help her on that journey, and my heart goes out to you