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She suffers from significant memory loss that really accelerated during the past year and she has become very hostile with me and other family members as well.
When dementia advances, elders tend to become agitated and uncooperative with everything and everyone in general. Hostility indicates she may need calming meds to help her, but again, if she's refusing medical care, there isn't much you can do short of physically hauling her into the car and into the doctor's office for an appointment.
You can call 911 and have her taken to the ER for a psych evaluation if your hospitals are not overrun with Covid patients and diverting new intakes elsewhere, or refusing non life threatening cases entirely. If you're able to get her admitted, I'd kick up a fuss and INSIST on having her seen by a Neurologist in addition to a Psychiatrist b/c things cannot be allowed to go on the way they have been. Discharging her without your knowledge, w/o meds and/or a plan of action is unacceptable! If they're unable to stabilize your wife in the hospital, then she needs to go into a Skilled Nursing Facility for REHAB for at least 21 days so they can GET her stabilized and back on her feet before she's released back home. If her dementia is too advanced to where she cannot be sent to rehab, then she needs to stay in the hospital until she is stabilized or placed in a Skilled Nursing Facility for long term care. You can't live like this and neither can she!
This must be a very worrisome and frustrating situation for you and you have my heartfelt condolences. Wishing you the best of luck finding a solution for your dear wife.
Talk to the doctor about the situation and see if they will do a telehealth visit as a short-term fix. Some of her meds shouldn't be discontinued abruptly so it will buy a bit of time. Without her meds she'll likely end up in the hospital for one thing or another and then they'll have to deal with her meds, but that's a pretty drastic way to get a renewed prescription. In addition to her dementia, it's likely her depression is contributing to her refusal to go to the doctor. This won't be easy for you to fix without some help from the doctor.
Short answer is ... There is nothing you can do. NOW If she is declared incompetent then you take charge of her medical care. If at any point you need to call 911 for her that is an opening that you can use to begin getting help for her. I would at that point request a Neurologist check her out as well. Since we are in the window of Open Enrollment you might use that as a reason to get her to agree to see the doctor. If you can tell her it is required before the end of open enrollment she may agree.
We had a 911 situation within the last two weeks. My wife spent 10 days in the hospital. I asked the attending docs to have a neurologist type check her out but they did not do that. They discharged her late last Friday without letting me know in advance.
Have you told her doc that she is refusing to go? Have you told your wife that you understand that she does not WANT to go but that the doctor says she needs to go?
Make sure you ask all the questions of the doc. Hopefully you won't have a 'holiday doc' on call--sometimes they are kind of the dregs of Drs. (I am repeating what my DH's dr said about a weekend 'sack of meat' Dr that covered for the regulars. I thought it highly unprofessional until I MET the guy and he didn't even wash his hands and my DH was in quarantine with VRSA--a horribly contagious bacteria--I had to ask him to go back and WASH HIS HANDS)...anyway..
Don't let the doc snow you. Ask the questions and make sure they're answered to your satisfaction.
I know this is a hard situation. I've had to play advocate for my DH many, many times, and I know I'm labeled a 'pain' to the staff, nothing would be done if I didn't pipe up.
I have been known to go out in the hall and corral a dr to get my questions answered. Don't forget: the doctors work for YOU.
If not acutely 'unwell' the hospital will not wish to keep a patient.
If an emergency, back to the hospital - but that middle 'not emergency but not well either' at home is a hard gig. An awful waiting game.
I suppose I woud go for a telehealth appointment & ensure your Doc knows what is happening. Ask bluntly what he/she advises in these cases.
I was told 'people have the right to rot' & 'await the crises'. Not very cheery but somehow helped me. Made me restock what was in my control & what was not.
I don't live with those people though so very different. They can make decisions (good or bad) themselves.
If you are the decision maker it is harder but I'm not sure there is much else to do but await another round of crisis-hospital-home. Hopefully next round more care & treament is inserted into that cycle.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You can call 911 and have her taken to the ER for a psych evaluation if your hospitals are not overrun with Covid patients and diverting new intakes elsewhere, or refusing non life threatening cases entirely. If you're able to get her admitted, I'd kick up a fuss and INSIST on having her seen by a Neurologist in addition to a Psychiatrist b/c things cannot be allowed to go on the way they have been. Discharging her without your knowledge, w/o meds and/or a plan of action is unacceptable! If they're unable to stabilize your wife in the hospital, then she needs to go into a Skilled Nursing Facility for REHAB for at least 21 days so they can GET her stabilized and back on her feet before she's released back home. If her dementia is too advanced to where she cannot be sent to rehab, then she needs to stay in the hospital until she is stabilized or placed in a Skilled Nursing Facility for long term care. You can't live like this and neither can she!
This must be a very worrisome and frustrating situation for you and you have my heartfelt condolences. Wishing you the best of luck finding a solution for your dear wife.
I will confront the attending doc during her recent hospital stay first thing tomorrow morning.
Thanks.
Chris
There is nothing you can do. NOW
If she is declared incompetent then you take charge of her medical care.
If at any point you need to call 911 for her that is an opening that you can use to begin getting help for her. I would at that point request a Neurologist check her out as well.
Since we are in the window of Open Enrollment you might use that as a reason to get her to agree to see the doctor. If you can tell her it is required before the end of open enrollment she may agree.
Thanks.
Chris
Thanks.
Make sure you ask all the questions of the doc. Hopefully you won't have a 'holiday doc' on call--sometimes they are kind of the dregs of Drs. (I am repeating what my DH's dr said about a weekend 'sack of meat' Dr that covered for the regulars. I thought it highly unprofessional until I MET the guy and he didn't even wash his hands and my DH was in quarantine with VRSA--a horribly contagious bacteria--I had to ask him to go back and WASH HIS HANDS)...anyway..
Don't let the doc snow you. Ask the questions and make sure they're answered to your satisfaction.
I know this is a hard situation. I've had to play advocate for my DH many, many times, and I know I'm labeled a 'pain' to the staff, nothing would be done if I didn't pipe up.
I have been known to go out in the hall and corral a dr to get my questions answered. Don't forget: the doctors work for YOU.
Good Luck!
If an emergency, back to the hospital - but that middle 'not emergency but not well either' at home is a hard gig. An awful waiting game.
I suppose I woud go for a telehealth appointment & ensure your Doc knows what is happening. Ask bluntly what he/she advises in these cases.
I was told 'people have the right to rot' & 'await the crises'. Not very cheery but somehow helped me. Made me restock what was in my control & what was not.
I don't live with those people though so very different. They can make decisions (good or bad) themselves.
If you are the decision maker it is harder but I'm not sure there is much else to do but await another round of crisis-hospital-home. Hopefully next round more care & treament is inserted into that cycle.