Will my brother come back and request more after my mom dies?

Your brother has put you in a very bad situation here. I understand that you are trying to pay him his half so they will just leave, correct? They aren't paying for upkeep or taxes. It may be best to just consult a lawyer about how to legally evict them. You could very well pay him his half, and they still might not leave. It's a real possibility. Legally, he doesn't have an inheritance yet. Wanting him out so badly is no reason to pay him. It would be awful for you to have been her caregiver yet get stuck with what could potentially be thousands of dollars lost if the home needs to be sold later. Remember, you have yourself and your own family to pay for as the years march on. A lawyer would help make sure that everyone's rights are respected here (including your mom). They can advise you best on a lease for a family member or how to evict with the sheriff, if need be.

Caregiving can be a such tough journey especially when other family members aren't cooperating in the best interest of the parent. Best of luck to you with this.

Griselda, I've read your posts and while it's still rather confusing, I take it that perhaps, you and your brother were left this house from your dad's Will and that your mother had Life time rights? Is that right? And that your mom signed over her Life Estate, so that you and your brother could receive full joint ownership now. Is that right? If so, did the Attorney show you the Deed and that it was recorded accordingly? I'd get my hands on that and also ask for another consult with the attorney.

It sounds as if your idea of selling your part and then coming back and asking to get money for your mom's part later on, if she needs the money for her care is mixed up. Ownership doesn't fluctuate that way. In most places, the transfer of real property rights must be done in writing and duly recorded. Reserving Life Estates and future interests is complicated and I would ask for the attorney to explain everything once again and even put it in writing so you can review it later if you have questions.

Griselda, I'm sorry if you have felt judged, it sounds like you are a very good caregiver to your Mom. Your Original post mentioned that your brother and his wife now live in your Mom's home, and do not pay rent, or any taxes, so I think things got a bit confusing, so glad you cleared that up! I still don't think its a good idea for you to "pay your brother out " at this time, as then, you will be on the hook for those monies, should your Mom ever need to access the money from her home. With you doing all the work, I do see how this would be fair to You!

The only good solution, if its something your brother is interested in, would be for him to Rent your Mom's house to him and his wife, that way, your Mom would have additional monies towards a more enjoyable lifestyle, and money to pay the taxes and upkeep of the home, and then she can pay you a stipend,for you taking care of her in your home. It's a win-win, for everybody involved.

All of this would best be done through a Real Estate Rental Company, that way, you wouldn't be the bad guy, always after him to pay his rent, and there would be an avenue for eviction, if it were ever nessesary. Plus, you can put in stipulations on who is living there, ie: not his Son, who causes trouble, unless he is a minor of course.

Taking care of your Mom is hard enough, you shouldn't have to be the bad guy all the time, trying to get your grown brother and family to manage their finances too!

Its Sad, it really is, when outside influences like family members decide that they are going to get "their rightly inheritance" Before their parent even passes away. Believe me, we've had problems with this too! My BIL had once asked if their Dad might "gift" ten thousand dollars a year to him, so that his Dad would be able to See how he is enjoying his inheritance up front! Oh how nice, these sorts of uninvolved family members have no idea how expensive it is to get to the end of your life, without spending all of your hard earned and save up monies and investments! Sometimes it's pure selfishness, and not the thoughtful caring at all!

I sometimes think that my BIL and SIL think that their parents are millionaires, and nothing could be further from the truth! But on the other hand, my FIL did overestimate (or embellished) to us, how much money he had, when he came to live with us. It's all part of his Narcissistic personality, the ole' "dangling of the carrot" over your head. "See how much you are going to inherent when I'm gone? All you have to do is take care of me the rest of my life", as that is how it's been in my experience with my FIL, who has been living with us in our home for the past 13 years. Now the brother and sister have stollen many thousands of dollars from my inlaws over the years, and yes, there may have been a lot more money in his portfolio at one time, but now, it's just not true, he just wanted his kids to think he had all this money, just to make them feel beholden to him. Well, my husband and I are the Only ones who care for him, and are doing our best to keep those vultures at bay. Now that he has lived with us, my husband has put a stop to the constant drain of his finances, so hopefully he will have enough money to last him his lifetime, or at least the majority of it, he's now 86, so good chance, but my husband isn't deluded in his thinking, to understand that there will probably be nothing left, when his Dad does leave this earth, and thankfully we have planned out our own finances, to never have to rely on any sort of inheritance from him. We do however, have a Caregivers Contract in place, that he does pay towards room and board for living with us, not a lot, about 600 dollars a month, but it does help in the grand scheme of things. He has never needed to access his invested monies, as that is being held out for when and if he ever needs Assisted living or a Nursing home type situation.

The bottom line is, protect your Loved Ones from vultures, who think they are Owed an inheritance, just because they were born! It doesn't work that way for most middle class folks anymore.

Thanks for all your help I really appreciate it, and for some of you who think that we are some greedy children and that we are going to abandon my mother, let me tell you I am taking care of my mom, she lives with me and I don't get any help from anyone, she only gets her medicare and she doesn't get that much since she worked as a housekeeper all of her life, and her medicare goes straight to her bank. My life changed completely because I can't work full time because I worry about her being by herself, so I work part-time about 7 mins from my house, and I'm not complaining because I love having my mom living with me, I think is my turn to take care of her now since she worked so hard and raised us by herself. I decided to give my brother his part because I don't want him and his son living at my mom house, not paying rent, not paying taxes and not taking care of the house and his son doing drugs at my mom house and not working or going to school even though I evicted my nephew he keep going to my mom's house and my brother let's him in I really thought that the best thing to do so they can both leave, is to give my brother his part which is 1/2 of the property value and yes the house is mine now but if I ever need to sell it for my mom needs I would sell it, but right now I won't sell my mom's house because she would be very sad, this is her house and if my brother and his son can't respect her house they have to leave, If the situation was different where my brother and his son would've taken good care of my mom and her property I wouldn't have any problem to leave my part for him so he could've kept the house, because I have my husband that supports me and we own our home, my daughters are educated graduated from college and on their own now, but I would really hate so see them destroy my mom's home and it would make my mom very sad to see this while she is still alive and no, this house is not for sell or for rent while she lives so that she can go and see her house anytime she wants, I take care of my mom 24/7 day and night, so please don't judge me if you don't know me, I love my mom very much and I would never abandon her, so thank you anyways, and God Bless you.

My advice to fellow seniors is: Don't sign over anything to your children. Make sure the house is sold so you can afford private pay wherever you choose. I am nearly 65.
What I see here is two greedy children who plan to dump mom on Medicaid.
I hope the IRS taxes the snot out of them, because not one nickel of this is inheritance. She's still alive, for cryin' out loud.

If your lawyer didn't expressly advise you against doing all of this, you need another lawyer! First off, neither you OR your brother are entitled to anything until your mother has actually died. HER assets are to pay for HER care, without exception. You and your brother are trying to divide up her assets before she has even passed away. The both of you are just going to have to wait.

Second, a good elder care lawyer should have told you that Medicaid has a FIVE year look back time frame. Which means, that even if this house is in your name, it will have to be sold if she goes into a nursing home.

Your brother shouldn't be getting ANY monies from you at all at this point. If you pay him, and she goes into a nursing home, and medicaid forces the sale of the house (or makes YOU pay them market price for the house), YOU will be out thousands of dollars, NOT your mom. Medicaid will get their money. Final advice, get an elder law attorney and don't give your brother any money at all.

Wintersun, just saying...if he has paid no rent to this point do u really think he is going to pay his sister rent. If she gives him the house he'd probably lose it. Best thing, offer to sell it to him for half of the market value. If he doesn't take the offer, sell the house take what you have put out then split the balance between the two of you.

Many comments here talk about how your mother is just in stage 1 dementia and that she is going to get very bad as she progresses, etc. While that may be true, it could also be true that this is the worst she will ever get. There is no way to predict what is going to happen in the future. She could die in her sleep tonight---and in the same way, you or your brother could die in your sleep tonight.

A couple of questions I have is: Who is paying the taxes on your mother's house? Who is paying for the utilities, etc.? And is your brother & his wife still living there?

So, you are going to buy your brother's half of the house. The title for the house is already in your name. Does your brother intend to continue living there or is he moving someplace else? If he is planning to stay, are you going to let him live rent-free as he has been doing for the past 9 years or are you going to charge him rent to live there? I am not so sure that what your mother did by signing the house over to you & putting the title in your name before you bought your brother's half of the house was the right thing to do. You should have conducted the "sale" in a legal way----your mother should have put the house in both of your names, and a legal sale could have been done. Then the title would have been changed to your name alone. Transferring ownership of the house to you, and then paying off your brother for his half of the house after-the-fact may not have been the best way to do it. I would draw up a legal document, signed by you, your mother, your brother & 2 witnesses and notarized, stating that the monies paid by you to your brother constitute his inheritance and no further monies will be distributed from your mother's estate upon her death. Just remember that to be a legitimate sale, you have to pay your brother half of what the sale price of the house would be if sold to outsiders. Undercutting the price of the house isn't lawful.

Legally, the house is yours. You brother can't come back & want more money for the house after your mother is gone. However, if your mother is able to make decisions at this time, why don't you take her to an attorney & have a current will made that stipulates the conditions of her assets after her death? If she wants you to have everything, she can put it in the will & it will be a legally binding document. Your brother could challenge it, but he probably won't considering legal fees to do that are quite expensive. The will should read that your brother already received his share of the estate on whatever date he received the money from you, and no further assets will be distributed after your mother's death. It should also include something about the date that the house was signed over to you and full title was taken by you.

That money is for your mothers care until she passes away. If you are well off, and you have a home, and your brother doesn't have anywhere to go, it would be nice to give him the house to live in. And he can pay you rent or something.

Medicaid does not take the house. They put a lean on it. At the time of sale, the lean has to be satisfied. If what is due Medicaid is less than than the sale of the house those inheriting get that. I'd more, than they get nothing. The house is now in her name. If her Mom goes more than five years without needing Medicaid the daughter owns the house. If under than the house is considered her Mom's asset. I wouldn't worry about ur brother. Seems he has been living rent free for years. He got his inheritance.

No Way, No How! The only person getting screwed in this scenario is your Mom! What's to happen to her, if something happens to you? You are giving away her (probable) biggest asset that she owns! What were the circumstances that she signed her home over to you in the first place? She obviously meant for it to be split between the both of you, when that time comes, but it hasn't yet, and SO Much can happen between now and then! She most likely will need the money from the sale of that home, to carry her through the rest of her life! Did she sign over the deed to her home to you, to protect it from the look back that Medicaid would impose on your family for her care, when she does indeed end up in a Assisted living or Nursing home? Because chances are, one day she will, as will most of us! And then the happy citizens of the United States tax payers, will be the ones who will be stuck paying for her care, even though the majority of us have to use up our own parents funds to cover their own care, and then us, when our time comes that our own monies have been spent in Assisted Care, and then we apply for Medicaid when our monies run out!

No, both you and your brother should not be using up her money while she is still alive! I'm sure she scrimped and saved, hoping that there will be money left over o give to you both as an inheritance, but no longer, do automatic inheritances very often happen anymore, unles you are generationally wealthy, and most people here on this site seeking answers, usually are not. Giving away her money ow, for the comfort of your brother is not a very smart thing to do. You might find yourself in a real pickle, trying to care for your Mom on very little, at some point in your life, and you might well end up with nothing after caring for her all those years, while your brother happily lives on in your Mom's home. I'm sure you Love your Mom, and are taking very good care of her, but Please, take care of her money too! She's gonna need it!

Grammyteacher, reading Your post made Me cry, because it all came flooding back to Me. That's what Care giving is. The Carer has to be completely and utterly unselfish where by Our kneed's come last. There can be no greater way to show Our love for Our Mother & Father than to Care for Them when They kneed Us, just as Our Parents reared, and Cared for Us.

Your brother can ask for whatever he wants. If he is not actively caring for your mother, it sounds like he'd getting his inheritance "upfront" as often happens.
I'd consult an attorney and do more than just rely on "conversations" that have occurred. You do have a long road ahead of you and possibly that house will have to be sold to pay for mom's care. Then what?
I have 2 siblings who took money from my parents, one to the tune of over $100K and the other $60K. It is "implied" that the sibling who took $60K is not going to inherit more, the other sibling has did. The other day mother told me she was sorry she was leaving the rest of us so little. I know it's about $10K. That amount won't make a bit of difference in my life. Over the years my parents talked a lot about how much they were leaving us, but I never "banked" on it. Tell your brother he "might" get something, but you cannot, at this point promise him anything.

She has been diagnosed for over 8 years....not 17...typo...but she had symptoms for about 5 years before diagnosis.

I don't have anything legal to add. I will say that if your mom is only in stage 1, you have a long way to go. My mom was diagnosed in 2009, and was in stage 3 of 7. She has now been in stage 7 for about a year. My husband and I care for her 24/7. At this point, she is in a wheelchair, she can't even stand. That means a dead weight lift to move her from bed to chair to recliner, etc. throughout the day. She doesn't recognize when she is hungry or thirsty. She can't feed herself. We hand feed her, need to make sure she gets enough to drink...offering it often. She is double incontinent...that means changing adult pads throughout the day. She recognizes only a few people and only sometimes. She remembers no names and doesn't recognize her own reflection. Sometimes she is very mean...I know it is the disease, not her...but it can be very difficult to cope with emotionally. We have had to purchase; a bedside commode, special boots to prevent pressure ulcers on her heals, a recliner, an alternating pressure mattress pad, a baby monitor, a hospital bed, a special shower chair, a wheelchair and seat pad, .... We also purchase lots and lots of aquaphor, adult pads, bed pads, ensure, wipes, etc. And this is with us caring for mom at home with no outside help. My mom can afford to go into a care facility, the cost for a good one is about $4000 per month where we live, but we choose to live and care for her ourselves. Your mom may need every penny she has to help with her care, she still has a long way to go. My mom has had this terrible disease for over 17 years and she will still be with us for quite a while....she is very healthy. Money and inheritance is the one thing I never worry about or discuss. I have a brother and sister and my mom has been married to my step dad for over 40 years. When she leaves this Earth, then we can see what there is to split. It is just not what matters....what matters is that we try to make her safe and comfortable and loved while she remains with us. Please know that caregiving is tough....at some point you can't go anywhere unless someone can come stay with mom. My husband and daughters help so I can get breaks but I still miss out on many things that I would love to do. Prepare yourself now, physically, mentally, and financially (we take no money from my mom and she lives with us full-time).

Such a complex situation. Everyone is correct. You need to get an elder law attny involved. Start charging your brother and his family rent. Or proceed with eviction. They will not take care of the house and probably lower the value by trashing it.

your mother is still alive and could live for many years. he should not have gotten anything until she had passed. you might need that money in the future! did you write this transaction down on paper and both of you sign the document???

Griselda Your kneed's, and Your Brothers are secondary. It's Your por Mother's Care and kneed's that are most important here. Care for Your Mom first, and I know You will take great care of Your Mother. Your Mom is in the very early stages yet and You have a long road ahead. If She kneed's to go into a Nursing Care Home for two or three years the house will kneed to be sold to pay for Your Moms Care. From Your post Its obvious Your Brother is a sponger, and if Justice is done He should get zilch. As time passes Your Question will answer itself. It's best not to look too far ahead, as I had to learn to just take it one day at a time. Good Luck to You Griselda, keep coming back to this wonderful site, as when You are alone, I'm mean really alone, the Caregivers on this Site become Your Family Who Care about You and Your beautiful Mother, and when You request Consul They give great advice, based on a wealth of hands on experience.

how long has the house been in your name?

If this were a "novel", how on earth would a "freeloading brother and his wife" just let you have the house and move out after Mom dies? The plot would be hard to believe. People just don't act that way. And I am also concerned because if you are the one who has title to the property, you are the one who has to pay the property taxes not Mom.

Care for Dementia is extremely expensive, no matter how it is accomplished. In all likelihood, unless you are Super Woman, you will need outside help or memory care for your mother. Those costs ramp up fast (I provide in-home memory care.)Thus you may be need to get a reverse mortgage or even sell your mother's home to pay for her care, if you or your brother are unable to pay for it.
You need help to obtaining a realistic overview of what her life forward maybe like. A social worker maybe able to help you or you could read through the many insightful postings on this website. I suggest that both you and your brother would benefit from a through understanding of what you may face if your mother's dementia progresses. BTW. Does she have Alzheimer's?
Good luck.

I don't think that your brother can contest what your mom signed. The house should be yours. However, if you are concerned (state laws do differ) you may want to make an appointment with an elder law attorney. One appointment should do it.
Take care,
Carol

If the house is already in just your name, it sounds like it is not part of your brother's inheritance any longer. Sounds like he has gotten a free ride for several years and isn't due anything else.

To be very blunt, your description of your to-and-fro negotiations with your brother and your assessment of your relative merits are in poor taste. You're behaving like a couple of vultures. Your mother, thank goodness, sounds to be in pretty fair shape.

Going on your description of your mother's mental state, she is probably perfectly capable of making a will and leaving her estate to you and your brother in whatever proportions she sees fit. Normally, that would be 50:50, but she is entirely free to please herself.

You are not free to assist her in making decisions about her will. That would be undue influence. Take her to an experienced attorney.

And as has already been pointed out, there is no knowing that your mother will have any estate to leave.

You and your brother are both making a lot of premature assumptions; and you, in pondering how you should treat your mother's money, are usurping an authority you do not have. POA does not override your mother's wishes while your mother is still competent.

You need specifically to consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law.

Also consider that there may be nothing left to inherit unless your mother is extremely wealthy. Chronic illnesses, and dementia in particular, can be VERY expensive. All of mother's assets may be needed for her care. Do you really want to give your brother your share of the house in exchange for what may turn out to be nothing?

What if mom needs a nursing home? Medicaid will take the house as repayment, no matter what the Will says. Never do this stuff without talking to an attorney beforehand.

If your mom could sign the papers giving you the house why can't she just rewrite the will and make it clear he has already received his share? I think the bigger worry is that your mom has given away a major asset, I hope she doesn't need medicaid in the next 5 years.